


Doki Doki Yuri's Song

by Justsomerandmguy



Series: Doki Doki Series [3]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-06-22 00:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 57,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justsomerandmguy/pseuds/Justsomerandmguy
Summary: Doki Doki Yuri's Song takes place in the same universe as Doki Doki After the Storm but takes place through the eyes of Yuri and follows her story from right before the festival and onward.





	1. Chapter 1

“One...”

 

_ Htsssssk _

 

“Two...”

 

“Three...”

 

_ Htsssssk _

 

“Four...”

 

_ I stare down at my arm, wondering why? Why...why can’t I… _

 

_ I look at myself in the mirror. _

 

“I...I’m a monster.”

* * *

**_The beginning of the school year_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ I wake up to the sounds of birds singing outside my window. Rays of sunlight cascade through my window. As I make my way to the window, I notice a female pheasant sitting on my window sill. I open the window and as the bird spreads its wings, a cool April breeze greets me.  _

 

_ It is my senior year of high school. For many people, this would be a time for excitement. A time to be happy at what the future might hold. A time to be enjoyed. Then why don’t I feel any of those things? _

 

_ I make my way to the shower and prepare for school. As I pass by my desk, I notice my reflection. For most girls, I imagine when they look in the mirror they do so to make sure their clothes are presentable. Their hair and makeup are done correctly. To admire what they have. That they like what they see. _

 

_ What do I see? _

 

_ Scars. Many...many...scars. I remember each and every story that each and every one of them tell. I can see the faint blotches of red from last night. They don’t hurt but that might be due in part to me having become used to it. I gently rub my left arm. Sigh. I need to be on my way. I don’t want to be late. _

 

_ After I finish getting ready, I make my way downstairs. I grab an apple from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. My father is sitting at the table, his eyes fixed on the local newspaper. He’s one of the few people I know who still reads the news in printed form. _

 

Y: “Good morning father.”

 

YD: “Good morning Yuri.”

 

_ He doesn’t even lower the paper when he greets me. For many people, this might seem odd or even somewhat insulting. For me though this is normal. My family has never been good at showing affection or emotions to one another. I hope you don’t think less of parents though. They are wonderful people who have done their best to make sure that I never want or anything. They have given me so many things in my life. I am eternally grateful to them. They are very busy people. My father is one of the chief surgeons at one of the biggest hospitals in Japan. My mother is a singer who spends most of her time traveling the world, performing in sold out venues and singing for crowds that number in the tens of thousands. They are both rarely home, so to see my father, especially in the morning does fill my heart with joy. _

 

Y: “Well I’m heading off to school now. Have a good day father. I love you.”

 

_ His eyes hold their gaze on whatever news event he’s currently reading. I can’t necessarily say I can fault him. I am a similar way when I am engrossed in one of my books. I make my way out of the kitchen and to the door. As I step out into the world outside my door, I take a moment to appreciate how beautiful a day it is. After the moment passes, I make my way off to school. _

* * *

**_Afternoon at the school_ **

 

_ The halls are full of students making their ways to and from different classes and clubs. I take what I need for today’s literature club assignment and make my way to the meeting. Monika wanted us all to write poems and to share them with each other at today’s meeting. Since we started doing these assignments, I’ve noticed a gradual improvement in the writing abilities of the other club members. Thankfully for me, poetry and writing are something that I enjoy and I have had a very long time to refine my style, much to the apparent dismay of Natsuki. _

 

_ As I make my way down the hall, I notice a group of girls standing by the row of lockers, staring at me as my make my way down the hall. I do my best to avert my gaze. I don’t want any trouble. Even though I am looking away, out of my peripheral, I can see their eyes are casting judgment as I pass on by. Just as I’m about to pass them, I feel myself trip and in the process littering the hallway with my belongings. As I look back I see what I caused me to fall. One of the girls had stuck her foot out. _

 

Female student 1: “Oh no she fell down.”

 

Female student 2: “Probably because of those huge knockers she has. She’s too top heavy.”

 

Female student 3: “You’d think someone with those gangly legs would have better balance.

 

_ I can hear the scathing snickering of the three girls as I attempt to pick up all my things. I’m so embarrassed. Why must people be so cruel? _

 

“Hey leave her alone!”

 

_ As I look up I see Sayori making her way toward me. Sayori steps between me and the three girls. The three girls stop laughing and with a final huff, simply walk away, their mission accomplished. _

 

_ Sayori kneels down and helps me pick up my remaining things. _

 

S: “You ok Yuri? You aren’t hurt are you?”

 

_ I can tell by the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes, that she is genuinely concerned for my well-being. I don’t have very many friends but I’m very grateful to have her. _

 

Y: “Yes. I’m fine. Thank you Sayori.”

 

_ With a cheerful smile, she hands me back my things. _

 

S: “I’m glad. Don’t worry about what those girls said about you. They’re just bullies.”

 

Y: “Thank you for your concern.”

 

_ Sayori and I make our way to the club room, where we find the other three club members. _

 

Monika: “Hey Yuri, Sayori, how are you two?”

 

Y: “We’re good thanks.”

 

_ Sayori takes her seat and begins to doodle in her notebook. Natsuki is sitting next to MC near the closet. They both look like they’re reading one of the manga that Natsuki keeps stored in the closet. Monika is sitting near the head of the classroom reading one of her books. _

 

_ I sit in my usual spot by the window and begin to read my book. It’s a fascinating read, The Portrait of Markov. I love books that can draw you deep into their worlds and can truly engross you in their narrative. This particular book was actually gifted by my mother to me when she returned from one of her tours of Europe. Not very many people I know share my fondness or appreciation for surreal horror so I was very surprised when my mother, a woman who detests anything macabre, gave me this book. _

 

_ After sometime to ourselves, Monika calls the literature club to order. We have a few days left before the annual spring festival for the school commences. Today we are dividing up the workload among the five of us. _

 

M: “So it’s settled then. Sayori and I will do the flyers. MC will help Natsuki with baking the cupcakes and Yuri, you’ll handle the banner.”

 

MC: “Are you sure Yuri you’ll be ok doing the entire banner by yourself?”

 

Y: “Yes. I’ll have several days to work on it so it should be no trouble.”

 

_ MC looks at me slightly concerned. _

 

MC: “Well when I finish baking with Natsuki, if you still need help, I’ll be more than happy to help you.”

 

_ He really does have a tender heart. I can see why Sayori speaks so highly of him. _

 

S: “Yeah, this is a team effort after all. We should help each other so we can make this the best festival ever for the literature club!”

* * *

**_End of the school day_ **

 

_ Soon after we hear the final bell signifying the end of the school day. As we all go our separate ways, I begin my walk back home. For most people, walking home alone might be scary or even depressing. For myself however, it’s nice to enjoy the quiet and to be alone with my thoughts. The solitude allows me to work out my thoughts better. I stop by one of the local craft stores to pick up the supplies I’ll need in making the banner for the festival. _

 

_ As I arrive at my house, I notice my father’s car is gone. He’s probably at the hospital for the night. As I make my way upstairs to my room, I realize just how quiet my house is. Quiet. Solitude. Empty. Not words very many people would like to use to describe their own home. I place the banner supplies next to my desk. As I change out of my school uniform, I look down at my bandaged arms, the once light red blotches on them now a rusty, dried crimson. I gently unwrap my arms and admire the new scars. These are superficial; one easily healed and forgotten in a week or two. _

 

_ I sigh as my eyes trace the lines criss-crossing up and down my forearms. On good days, days like today, I look at these scars with a sense of dejection and shame. I wonder to myself why do I continue to do this to myself. Most other days though, I am reminded with resounding conviction and fervor why I do this to myself. Why I do this to myself. Why I deserve this. For today however, I will enjoy one of these “good” days. They are few and far between, I should savor them while I have them. _

* * *

**_Later that night_ **

 

_ After finishing some History and Anatomy homework, I decide to make my way to bed. As I close my curtains, I look up at the moon. It’s crescent shape illuminates the night sky. It’s beautiful. As I close my curtains and lay in bed, my mind wanders to the festival. I hope the festival is a success. I hope my contribution to the club aids in us getting more members. It’s nice to feel needed by the other members. I just hope I don’t let them down. _

 

_ After some time passes, I find myself drifting off to sleep. _


	2. Chapter 2

_ That’s why no one likes you. _

 

_ Look at her arms! What’s wrong with her? _

 

_ I’m so disappointed in you… _

 

_ You’re a freak! _

 

* * *

**_The following day_ **

 

**_Yuri’s house_ **

 

_ I open my eyes, I can see the first rays of sunlight making their way into my room. I make my way to the windows and pull the curtains apart. Another beautiful day greets me, just like yesterday. I look back to my bed and notice that I’m awake an hour earlier than normal. That’s not too surprising. I’m a very light sleeper and I don’t usually sleep throughout the night much anymore… _

 

_ Since I have this extra time before I need to get ready, I decide to start at least outlining what I want the banner to look like. That will help me organize my thoughts. I sit down at my desk and pull out one of my journals. I carefully tear out one of the sheets and begin to sketch rough drafts of ideas I want the banner to look like. I manage to come up with at least two different sketches that I like the designs of. Sadly, I’m not much of an artist so my drawings are very crude and unrefined but for the sake of this project, they’ll have to do. _

 

_ I sit at my desk, I look at the picture of my parents and I when I was much younger. The picture was taken after one of my mother’s shows earlier in her career. It’s one of the few photos I have of all of us together. I think I can count the number of times in the past year that this has been the case on one hand and regrettably, I wouldn’t even be able to use all my fingers. It’s usually just father and I. Our conversations are...tepid to say the least. Maybe it’s because of his work or maybe it’s just that the things that interest me are of little consequence or importance to him. It didn’t always use to be this way and a part of me wishes I could go back to a time different than this. _

 

_ As I stare at the picture of my family, I feel one of my “episodes” beginning. My pulse quickens and I can feel my heartbeat in my ears. From an outsider, I would probably seem completely normal; maybe a tad flushed but nothing out of the ordinary. On the inside however, I feel like I’m being asphyxiated. I rush over to my window. I notice my father’s car is still gone. I walk over to my door and lock it. I need...I need to… _

 

_ I make my way over to my night stand and pull out the bottom drawer. My eyes scan the small collection of boxes I have of varying sizes, colors, and lengths. Ah, there you are. I pull out a simple black box, no longer than the length of an unsharpened pencil. Inside I find the contents of which will help me. A small, single-edged royal blue colored knife. I sit and admire its beauty for a moment. Amazing how something so simple could also be so elegant. After my time of admiration has passed, I gently press the blade against my arm and… _

 

_ The sound of my alarm brings me back to my senses. Oh no, I completely lost track of time. I’m going to be late for school. Internally, my body feels like it’s going to scream but I must resist. I know that my way of coping with these kinds of issues is hardly healthy or beneficial but at times it feels like it’s all I can do. My breathing is shaky and slightly labored. My mother used to tell me what she would do when she felt overwhelmed is she would sit in a quiet place and focus on her breathing. It doesn’t necessarily have the same intended benefits for me but there are times where it does work. After a few minutes of practicing the techniques my mother taught me, I feel my body begin to relax and calm itself. This is probably only a temporary respite but a welcome one nonetheless. Now I need to make my way to school before I’m too late. _

 

* * *

**_Later that day, at the literature club_ **

 

“Yuri. Earth to Yuri. Come in Yuri.”

 

Y: “Huh!?”

 

_ For a moment I forgot where I was. I turn to see Monika staring at me with a concerned look on her face. _

 

M: “Yuri, are you alright?”

 

_ How long was I...? _

 

Y: “U-uh, I’m fine Monika. Just daydreaming is all.”

 

_ Monika looks down at my book _

 

M: “You must be really into your book.”

 

Y: “Yes. I sometimes lose myself in my books.”

 

_ Monika softly smiles and nods. _

 

M: “I definitely understand. I’m the same way with music. How’s the banner coming along by the way?”

 

Y: “I was able to make a few rough sketches this morning. I should be able to finish it this evening.”

 

M: “Ok. If you need help with anything, let me know.”

 

_ I nod as Monika makes her way back to her seat. As I look around the classroom, I can hear Natsuki and MC discussing their part of the preparations for the festival. I notice MC look over his shoulder and as I follow where his eyes, I see he’s looking at Sayori. As I look at her face, I recognize that expression. I make my way over to her. I place my hand on her shoulder but I seem to startle her. She looks up at me as she seems to be brought back from wherever her thoughts had her. _

 

Y: “I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

S: “Oh no, it’s ok. I was just…”

 

_ I finish her thought unintentionally. _

 

Y: “Daydreaming?”

 

S: “You could say that.”

 

_ There’s a certain kind of melancholy as she speaks. _

 

Y: “Sayori, are you alright? You seem a little...despondent.”

 

S: “Deswhata?”

 

Y: “Oh, it’s another expression for sadness.”

 

_ Her eyes go from me to her hands as they sit on the table. A tinge of whiteness can be seen as she clasps her hands together. _

 

S: “I’m ok. Just a lonely little raincloud is all.”

 

_ Since I’ve known Sayori, she’s used that expression to communicate to us when she happens to feel sadness. Her eyes seem to be telling a very different story. One of much more than a “little raincloud.” I decide to not press her on the matter. _

 

Y: “Well, I’m here if you want to talk.”

 

_ A somewhat pained smile forms on her face as she nods. Maybe it’s because I’ve known her for as long as I have or maybe because when I see her like this, I see bits of myself in her but seeing her like this pains my heart. I feel a tightness beginning to form in my heart. _

 

S: “Thank you Yuri.”

 

* * *

_ Our club activities continue with us reciting the poems we will be performing the day of the festival. Sayori’s poem has the prose and flow that I have come to expect from her. Monika’s poem was given with the kind of confidence and authority of someone who made public speaking their life. Listening to her speak gave me hope that maybe the new members would be drawn by her words alone. Natsuki was the most reluctant to speak in front of us. Not that I can necessarily blame her, public speaking for many people is a terrifying prospect. For her first time though she did remarkably well. MC’s poem is actually better than I anticipated it being, given that he’s a fledgling writer. I would have probably chosen a different kind of poem for him that would have better suited his diction and tone but I was impressed nonetheless. Practicing like this will hopefully prepare us for the day of the festival. The tightness in my chest is worsening however. _

 

Y: “Before we share our poems today, I think today would be a good day for tea. How does that sound?”

 

M: “Tea sounds good to me.”

 

MC: “I’d like some.”

 

S: “I’ll take some too.”

 

N: “Sure. T-thank you.”

 

_ I go over to closet and pull out the tea kettle and heater. A lovely floral pattern adorns the outside of the kettle. I carefully place the five porcelain teacups on the table. I plug in the heating coil to allow it time to heat up. _

 

Y: “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go fill up the kettle.”

 

_ As I close the classroom door behind me, I look up and down the hall. No one seems to be around. I make my way around the corner near where the staircase is. I can feel my hands shaking and the same feeling that afflicted me this morning returns. I place the tea kettle down and roll up my left sleeve. My labored breathing is the only sound I can hear. I pull out one of the small knives from my collection out of my blazer pocket. A small, emerald colored blade with a matching handle. I firmly grip the handle and attempt to steady my erratic breathing. I need this. I need this release. I place the blade against my skin and in one slow motion, I see the familiar site of red make it’s away across my arm. _

 

_ I can feel the familiar sensation of pain and pleasure tracing it’s way up and down my arm. I can feel my heart rate slowly returning to normal and the tightness in my chest dissipating. It feels so--- _

 

“Hey, are you ok?”

 

_ I turn around and see one of the male students staring at me. No...no...nononono, this can’t be happening. _

 

“I heard noises from here, was that...wait...your arm. Are you…”

 

_ Every fiber of my being screams at me to run. I rush past the young man, the destination doesn't matter. I just need to get away. I decide to turn into the female bathroom and lock myself in one of the stalls.  _

 

_ No, he saw me. How long was he there? No one should be up here on this level except the literature club members. I...I… _

 

_ I look down at my hands. My left hand has a thin red line running down into the palm of my hand. A wave of emotions crashes over me. I can feel the tears beginning to stream down my face. Why...why am I like this? I...I...I’m so… _


	3. Chapter 3

**_What do I do now?_ **

 

**_You can’t even save yourself. What makes you think you can help anyone else?_ **

 

**_Just go away._ **

* * *

_ I don’t know how much time has passed. My body convulses. The marks on my arms have started to dry. These marks...these constant reminders to myself that I--- _

 

“Yuri? Are you in here?”

 

_ That voice. It’s Natsuki. I attempt to compose myself as best as I can before I reply. _

 

Y: “Y-yes. I’m here.”

 

N: “Oh thank god. Is everything alright in there?”

 

_ No. Everything is not alright. _

 

Y: “Yes. I just felt ill after leaving the classroom. I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

N: “Don’t overdo it. The tea isn’t that important. Take your time. I’ll go let the others know that you’re ok.”

 

Y: “Thank you Natsuki.”

 

_ Normally interactions between Natsuki and myself have an air of tension to them. I don’t believe she likes me very much but her tone just now sounded far more concerned. It’s probably due to Monika sending her to look for me. _

 

_ After a few moments, I exit the stall. I make sure to wash my hands of the streaks of blood so as to not draw anymore unwanted attention. The tea kettle is right where I left it but with no sign of the boy from earlier. By the time I make my way back to the classroom, it would seem our club session is over for today. I place the kettle back in the closet and pack up my things and head back home. _

 

* * *

**_That evening_ **

 

_ I sit in my living room listening to my music as I read. However, I can’t concentrate on my reading. All I can see in my mind are the eyes of that boy from earlier. His eyes...I wonder what he saw when he found me. I am certain it wasn’t anything pleasant. He probably thought me as nothing more than some deranged girl. Or maybe it was pity that I saw. I let out a defeated sigh as I close my book. It’s no fun to read when I can’t even enjoy what I’m reading. Maybe I should finish the poster? _

 

_ It’s at that moment I hear a knock on the door. Odd. Father wouldn’t need to knock and it’s too late for any packages to be arriving. As I open the door, I find MC standing in the doorway. There are the faint traces of flour on his shirt and pants. _

 

MC: “Hey Yuri, mind if I come in?”

 

_ I escort him inside but this is peculiar. Why would he show up at my house at this hour? _

 

Y: “Um, MC. Aren’t you supposed to be helping Natsuki with the cupcakes for the festival?”

 

MC: “We finished earlier than we thought. I told you I’d come by and help once I was done helping her. That is unless you finished the banner already.”

 

Y: “Oh no, I was just about to work on it.”

 

MC: “Ok. Would you like me to help you?”

 

Y: “That would be lovely actually. Would you like some tea before we begin?”

 

_ Even though MC and I don’t talk very much, I do appreciate him being here. His presence will help me to get my mind off of the events of today. _

 

_ I bring down the supplies for the banner into the living room and we get to work. I show MC the sketches I had done before for what I envisioned the finished banner to look like. He gets to outlining the letters for the banner while I cut out the shapes to adorn the trim. Something like this would probably take me a couple of hours but with his help, this should take us no more than an hour or two. _

 

MC: “It’s good to see you look like you’re feeling better.”

 

Y: “Huh? What do you mean?”

 

MC: “From earlier today. Natsuki said you were feeling sick earlier which was why it took you so long to get back to the classroom.”

 

Y: “Oh yes. I feel much better. Thank you.”

 

_ MC finishes sketching the final letter as he sets his pencil down. I look up from the cherry blossom I am working on to notice a rather somber look on his face. _

 

Y: “Is everything alright MC?”

 

_ He takes a moment before answering. Almost as if he’s collecting his thoughts. _

 

MC: “Yuri, can I ask you something?”

 

Y: “What is it?”

 

MC: “It’s about...Sayori.”

 

_ Sayori? _

 

Y: “What about Sayori?”

 

MC: “It’s just...something seemed off about her today. Normally, I wouldn’t think anything of it but I don’t know...Has she mentioned anything to you recently?”

 

_ Should I tell him about what she told me earlier? I don’t know if that conversation was meant to be just between the two of us or not. However, I am worried about her as well. _

 

Y: “Well she seemed melancholic today. She mentioned something about “tiny rainclouds” but she said she was alright.”

 

MC: “Rainclouds? What does that even mean?”

 

_ I watch MC silently stares at the pencil before him. He looks like he’s deep in thought. _

 

Y: “She’s your best friend. She might not want to talk about it right now and that’s alright. All you can do is be there for her when she’s ready.”

 

_ His eyes meet mine and I can see him smile. Sayori really is fortunate to have someone like MC who seems to so genuinely care about her. _

 

MC: “Thank you Yuri.”

 

_ I notice that MC looks down immediately after saying that. I look down and notice my hand resting on top of his. I quickly pull my hand away. Why did I do that? When did I do that? I can feel the embarrassment coursing through my body. _

 

Y: “I-I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t...I…”

 

_ MC’s face is red as well. He laughs and smiles at me. Maybe it’s the embarrassment but seeing him smile at me like that makes my heart begin to race. _

 

MC: “It’s ok Yuri. And thank you for listening. I hope you’re right.”

 

_ MC and I finish most of the banner. There’s a bit of shading that still needs to be done but we managed to finish much more than I anticipated us being able to do today. I look up at the clock and see that it’s almost 9PM _

 

MC: “Yuri, do you mind if I take the banner home to finish my parts? I’ll make sure to bring the banner with me to the festival once I finish.”

 

Y: “If you want. I can finish the shading portion though if you want.”

 

_ I watch as MC gently rolls the banner up _

 

MC: “No, no. It’s alright. Consider it my thanks to you for listening to me earlier.”

 

Y: “Oh, you don’t really need to thank me for that.”

 

_ MC goes to the door to leave but just as he reaches for the handle, the door opens. As the door fully opens, I see my father in the doorway. A serious and tired expression is etched on his face. I watch MC timidly makes his way past my father. _

 

MC: “Oh hello sir. Uh, well goodnight Yuri. I..I’ll finish up the banner tonight or tomorrow. Bye.”

 

_ I watch as MC leaves and my father steps into the house. His gaze feels like it’s pierces through my very soul. _

 

YD: “Mind explaining to me who that was at this hour?”

 

Y: “Yes father. T-that was a classmate of mine. We were working on something for the school festival coming up.”

 

_ A few tense moments pass as my father seems to assess the validity and truthfulness of my statement. Without saying a word he walks past me and into his room. I can hear the door lock behind him. I take that as a sign I should probably be heading to my room as well. I head upstairs to my room and get ready for bed. As I stand in the shower, I let the water caress the new scars on my arm from today. The slight tingling sensation and pain is a feeling I’ve grown to be fond of. I change into my sleeping attire, a camisole and shorts. Within the confines of my room is one of the only places I feel comfortable enough to expose my scarred arms. _

 

_ I stare out my window at the night sky. There aren’t as many stars out tonight as there were before but it’s still beautiful. To imagine such beauty could be hidden in plain sight. As my mind dwells on that thought, I find myself soon enough falling fast asleep. _


	4. Chapter 4

**_I need to get away. I can’t stop or they’ll catch me. I can’t stop. I need to get away. As I sprint further into the darkness, I lose my footing and trip and fall. I turn around to see it standing there. All I can make out of the figure are their eyes. Soulless, cold, empty eyes. My body...I can’t move. I see a glint in the darkness. No..no please. I beg for them to leave me alone. To spare me. Please just...no..NO PLEASE! NO!_ **

* * *

_ With a jolt, I wake up to my alarm going off. My body is trembling. I can feel my hair matted to my face; my breathing erratic and frantic. A dream. It was just a dream. Just...a horrible...horrible dream. I silence my alarm and attempt to calm my nerves. Given my penchant for the horror genre, I guess the occasional nightmare is to be to be expected. That dream though didn’t feel like just any other nightmare. Pushing the images out of mind, I get dressed and ready myself for the coming day. _

 

_ As I walk down the stairs into the kitchen, I hear my phone come to life and begin to jingle. I reach into my blazer pocket and check to see who could be calling me. I don’t get very many phone calls. As I look at the screen, I feel a sense of elation taking over. It’s my mother! My excitement causes me nearly to drop my phone. _

 

YM: “Hello dear. How are you? I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

 

Y: “I’m fine mother and no I was just preparing for school. What’s Europe like?”

 

YM: “Oh it’s beautiful here. We just finished in Paris yesterday and we’ll be performing in London tomorrow. One of these days, I’ll have to bring your father and you here. I think you’d love it.”

 

_ That sounds wonderful. To travel the world and see exotic and foreign places. I envy my mother so. The places she’s seen and been to, I’ve only ever read about or have seen as photos in my textbooks. _

 

YM: “Oh, isn’t your school festival coming up soon?.”

 

Y: “Yes. The festival is tomorrow. My club members and I are going to be hosting poem readings to try and draw in new people.”

 

YM: “Oh? You should sing to draw in new members. You have such a beautiful singing voice.”

 

Y: “Oh no mother, I could never do that. My singing prowess is severely lacking.”

 

YM: “Oh stop now Yuri. You’re too hard on yourself. Hmmm...maybe you’re nervous about singing because you’re afraid a boy might fall for you.”

 

_ An immediate feeling of embarrassment colors my face. _

 

Y: “W-w-what, there is no boy mother! I-I-I...mmmm…”

 

_ Words escape me as I hear my mother giggling to herself on the other end. _

 

YM: “Hohoho. Well my darling lily, I must be going. It looks like we’re about to board our plane now. I’ll talk to you soon. I love you.”

 

Y: “I...I love you too.”

 

_ I find myself staring at the darkened screen of my phone long after the call has finished. I don’t get very many opportunities like this to talk to my mother. She’s very busy so I usually only hear from her once or twice a month when she’s touring. My body feels warm and my mind more at ease now. Who knew that the voice of a loved one could have such a pacifying effect? With my resolve strengthened and my mind placated, I begin my journey to school. _

* * *

_ The walk to school is a welcome respite from the events of this morning. Few people are out today which is peculiar given it’s the end of the school week. This allows me ample time to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy the quiet. Even though I live a bit further away than most students, these quiet moments of reflections that are afforded to me on days like today wouldn’t be possible if I lived closer or had to take the bus. I can hear the sounds of the spring birds singing as I near the entrance of the school. Their beautiful singing reminds me of my mother. I really do miss her on days like today. I begin to hum a song she used to sing to me when I was child. Humming this particular tune makes me feel closer to her, as if she’s here with me. _

* * *

**_Later that day/At the literature club_ **

 

_ I walk into the club room and see the others have already arrived. Natsuki is reading with MC per usual. Monika seems to be writing something. Possibly something for the festival? Sayori however has the same expression that she did yesterday. Her eyes look tired. I notice her blazer looks slightly wrinkled, her hair shows signs of being slightly unkempt. This is very unlike her. She usually takes such pride in her appearance. I walk over to her desk and ask her what is vexing her so. She’s my friend and has always been there for me. I feel the least I can do for her is to check on her. _

 

Y: “Sayori?”

 

_ She slowly raises her eyes to mine. Her eyes give me the same empty and distant look as yesterday. I speak in hushed tones so as to not alert the others. _

 

Y: “Are...are you alright?”

 

_ A pained smile forms on her face. What could have happened to her to so thoroughly change her personality so rapidly? _

 

S: “I’m fine Yuri. Just tired is all. I haven’t gotten much sleep recently.”

 

Y: “Oh...I…”

 

_ I know there’s more to her recent change in her behavior than a simple lack of sleep but what do I do now? Do I press the topic? No. That could have damaging effects to my relationship with Sayori. In moments like this, I wish I knew how to better gauge what it was that people needed from me. _

 

Y: “I...if there’s anything I can do, just remember I’m here for you ok?”

 

_ She weakly nods as she goes back to staring at the empty sheet of paper on her desk. I walk back to my desk and resume reading my book, occasionally glancing at Sayori, hoping to see that look in her eyes that would signal to me that she is ready to talk. Another twenty or so minutes passes and I notice Monika has walked over to Sayori and is talking with her. Maybe she deduced the same as I and noticed a change in her behavior too? However, as Monika walks away from Sayori, I notice Sayori quietly pick up her things and walk out of the classroom. From my position in the classroom, I can’t see her face but I could have sworn she was crying. _

 

_ The club meeting soon comes to a close. As we are packing our things, I see MC looking around as if he’s lost something. _

 

Y: “Did you lose something MC?”

 

MC: “No. Have any of you seen Sayori?”

 

M: “She went home early. She said she wasn’t feeling well.”

 

_ As I look at Monika, I can see it in her eyes. Clearly she’s concerned for Sayori as well. _

 

N: “I hope she feels better by tomorrow. The festival won’t be the same without her.”

 

_ Natsuki and Monika pack up their belongings and head home. As MC and I leave the classroom, I pull him aside. _

 

Y: “MC, you should go check on Sayori. I’m worried about her.”

 

MC: “Worried? Why? Monika said she’s just wasn’t feeling well.”

 

Y: “Sayori said she hasn’t slept well recently and over the past few days, I’ve noticed a significant change in her.”

 

_ I know Sayori probably wouldn’t want people to worry about her but this feels like one of those instances where I will have to go against her wishes. _

 

Y: “Please MC. Just go see her. If she really is feeling ill, I’m sure having her best friend around will make her feel better.”

 

MC: “Alright. I’ll head there now. Did you want me to walk you home first?”

 

Y: “No, no that’s alright. Maybe another day.”

 

_ With that I watch MC disappears down the stairs. I stand in the empty hallway of the school, a tightness forming in my chest. Why does it feel like an ill omen is coming? All I can do now is trust that Sayori might open up to MC and tell him what has been bothering her. As I exit the school, I can see the sun beginning to descend below the tops of the buildings, the clouds in the sky taking on a slight red and pink hue. I hum to myself as I begin the trek back home. _


	5. Chapter 5

**_The day of the festival_ **

 

_ Today is the day of the festival. I left my house earlier than normal so that I could help Monika with preparing the classroom. She had created varying posters she had lined the walls of the hallway with leading up to the club room door. A large, hand-drawn poster of a stack of books with the word “Literature Club” adorns the entrance. _

 

_ The school is mostly vacant at this hour. There are a handful of teachers and members of the custodial staff alongside a few students who seemed to have the same idea as Monika. The peace afforded to us by being this early is quite pleasant. I offer to make Monika and I some tea while we take a much needed break from our labor. She agrees and I take the kettle out of the closet and make my way to the fountain. _

 

_ As I walk down the halls of the school, I pass the doors to the various clubs that share the floor with us. One door has a picture of a stage play being performed. By the garments of the figures and the set piece, I assume it must be one of Shakespeare’s. Hamlet perhaps? Another door has what looks to be two robots waving at passersby. After passing one more door, I arrive at the water fountain. I gently place the kettle down and begin to fill it. As the cool water slowly fills the small ceramic kettle, I begin to hum. _

 

**_Hahaha..._ **

 

_ Suddenly, I notice something out of the corner of my vision. I turn to see...nothing? What was that? I thought I heard someone laughing. The only thing I see is the staircase leading to the roof from the other day. At that moment, my arms begin to ache and itch. A gnawing numbness accompanied by the sensation of something dancing just beneath the surface. I...I...don’t need it. I don’t...need… _

 

_ I feel something cool brush against my hand. As I look down, I see the kettle is overflowing. I carefully pour out some of the excess water and wipe down the outside of the kettle with one of the handkerchiefs that I have in my pocket. Oh dear, I’m letting the stresses of the day get to me and we haven’t even started the events of the day yet. With a few pacifying breaths, I make my way back to the classroom. _

* * *

_ As I slide the door open, I notice Natsuki has arrived with two trays of cupcakes. Those must be the cupcakes that her and MC were preparing the other day. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen MC or Sayori all morning. I would have thought they’d be here by now. My mind flashes back to Sayori’s abrupt departure. I certainly hope everything is alright. _

 

M: “Ah, you’re back Yuri. I plugged up the heater while you were gone.”

 

_ Monika’s words draw me out of my thoughts. I watch as Natsuki places the trays of cupcakes she was carrying down on the desk at the front of the classroom. The cupcakes appear to have the appearance of tiny kittens as decorative frosting on them. Despite how I might feel about her writing prowess and choices when it comes to literature, I have to admire the craftsmanship that she puts into her baking. _

 

N: “Oh morning Yuri.”

 

Y: “Good morning Natsuki. Have you two seen if MC or Sayori have come in yet?”

 

_ Monika shakes her head. _

 

M: “No, they haven’t arrived yet but it’s still early.”

 

_ I place the kettle on the heater and allow the water to boil. After a few minutes, I carefully pour three cups of tea, one for each of us, being careful to properly strain the tea leaves so as to draw out the proper aromatic flavors. It might seem a bit silly to others to take such lengths for tea but tea is one of my passions. The only thing I enjoy more than tea is a good book. Together, there is no better pairing. _

 

N: “Thank you. Do you really think Monika, we’ll get any new club members today?”

 

_ Monika takes a sip of her tea. _

 

M: “I don’t know. I hope so. We just have to hope we can wow whoever comes in through the door. You know, show them that there’s more to a literature club than just poetry.”

 

_ I drink deeply the flavors of the tea as they dance on my pallet as I reflect on Monika’s words. Monika is right. There’s many different aspects of literature that I feel are...intimidating to those that are new to it. MC has come quite a ways since his first day here. I can tell by his writing that his ability to write poetry has improved even though his freeform style of poetry sometimes leaves me searching for the inner meaning of his words. Perhaps that is one reason I enjoy reading his poems. I feel a sense of challenge to uncovering what his intentions and thoughts are that lie right under the surface. Literature can be so many things. A summer sonnet, a gripping and compelling novel, a beautifully composed song. Even something such as Natsuki’s manga could be considered literature. Not necessarily my choice in literature but a choice for other perhaps. _

 

_ After we finish our tea, we begin to finalize our preparations for the room. I decide to light a few lavender candles to better set the atmosphere. There are very few things as relaxing as the scent of lavender. Natsuki pulls out a white tablecloth to cover the table her cupcakes will be presented on and Monika hangs up her final poster she made. As I light the final candle, I notice Natsuki’s gaze shift to the door. _

 

N: "Nice of you two to finally join us. What took you two so long?"

 

_ As I turn around, I see MC and Sayori in the doorway. _

 

MC: "Sorry, we got stopped by one of my friends in the halls. Oh I brought the banner Yuri."

 

Y: "Excellent. You can place it over there for now."

 

N: "Hey Sayori, would you mind helping me set out the rest of the cupcakes and stuff?"

 

S: "S-sure!"

 

_ Sayori walks over to help Natsuki finish setting the table. I watch as Monika reaches into her backpack and pulls out a stack of her hand-made pamphlets and hands them to MC. She certainly made a lot of them. She must be very confident in our chances of attracting new members. _

 

M: "Hey MC, would you mind helping me hand out these today? I figured it would be faster with two people."

 

MC: "Sure thing."

 

_ We manage to finish setting everything by a little after 11am. All five of us stand at the front of the classroom and admire what we managed to accomplish. The banner MC and I worked on adorns the back wall of the room. I have to say I am quite pleased with how it turned out. I really must thank him later. _

 

M: "I think we did pretty well all things considered."

 

Y: "Indeed."

 

N: "Yeah but do you think anyone will show up?"

 

M: "I'm sure people will, we just have to be patient. Worst case scenario, we can go walk to the other clubs and hand out pamphlets."

 

Y: "U-uh are you sure that's a wise idea? Won't the other clubs be mad if we steal their members?"

 

N: "I already agreed to get up in front of people. I didn't agree to go people hunting."

 

M: "Oh it'll be fine. You two are worrying too much."

 

_ At that moment, we hear see the classroom door slide open and a student's head peaks in. _

 

Student: "Uh is this the literature club?" 

 

M: "Yep. You're in the right place! Come in! Come in!"

* * *

_ After a few minutes of casual conversation Monika stood at the head of the room and asked for all those present to be seated. _

 

M: “Hello everyone. My name is Monika and welcome to our literature club. Please enjoy the refreshments provided today by our very own Natsuki.”

 

_ Monika gestures to Natsuki who timidly waves in acknowledgment from the back of the room. _

 

M: “One of the beauties of literature is that there are so many ways an author or writer can express themselves to their audience. I have selected a poem I would like to read for you all today so that you might have a better understanding of what I mean.”

 

_ Monika delivers her poem with a confidence and charisma that is almost infectious. Her tone, her inflection, the way the words roll off her tongue and into the ears of her listeners is almost mesmerizing. Her time being a member of the debate team shows in instances like this. It was almost like public speaking was her calling. As Monika finishes her poem, she politely bows and the room is filled with applause, not only from us but the visiting students as well. _

 

_ We all thank the students for coming as they leave. As I return to my desk, I can hear the door open behind me. _

 

S: “Shin! You really came! I’m so happy.”

 

_ “I told you I’d try and stop by didn’t I haha.” _

 

_ As I turn around I feel a chill run through my soul. No...not him. It can’t be....the boy from the stairwell. What is he doing here!? _


	6. Chapter 6

_No, no, no. Of all the people to show up, why did it have to be him? My heart is racing like a runaway stallion. My mind is reeling. My arms feel like they are on fire. I...I...must remain calm. Yes. Calm. I must remain...calm. Maybe he doesn’t recognize me. There’s no sense in me panicking now. If I do, then I’ll draw unwarranted attention toward myself. Maybe I’m worried over nothing._

 

_Monika walks over to the young man, who’s name is Shin from what Sayori said a moment ago. It would seem that he is one of Sayori and MC’s friends. Perhaps they grew up together? Monika flashes a cheerful smile to him as she extends her hand to shake his hand._

 

M: “Hello there. It would seem you know two of our club members already. My name is Monika. I’m the president of the literature club.”

 

Sh: “Shin. Shin Takamura. I’m the vice president of the school’s kendo club.”

 

M: “So Shin, let me introduce everyone to you. You already know MC and Sayori it seems. Sayori is my vice president of the literature club.”

 

Sh: “You didn’t tell me Sayori you were the vice president. That’s pretty cool.”

 

_Sayori blushes as she places her index fingers together. A common tell she does when she’s nervous I’ve come to find out. Monika gestures over to Natsuki who is next to me._

 

M: “That is Natsuki, one of other members. She’s a talented baker and is responsible for the cupcakes you see at the front of the class.”

 

_Shin walks to the front of the room and takes a cupcake from the tray before returning next to MC and Sayori._

 

M: “And this is Yuri our final member.”

 

_I feel my body tense as everyone turns to me. Shin walks over to me and stares at me for a moment. At this distance I can tell something about him that I couldn’t the last time I saw him. His eyes. He has very intense eyes. What is this feeling? Fear? Embarrassment? I can feel my breathing becoming increasingly more and more labored the longer he’s here. I must compose myself. As I said, he can’t possibly remem----_

 

Sh: “Oh I know Yuri. We’ve met before.”

 

_Oh no...please...don’t remember me. Please don’t...he’s going to tell everyone he saw me in the stairwell...What do I do?_

 

M: “Oh? Where do you know her from?”

 

_I wait with bated breath for the next words to leave his lips._

 

Sh: “We had class last year. I think it was Math. Or was it Social Science?”

 

_W-what is this? He knows me from last year? I don’t recall that at all. I am almost certain the only time I’ve ever seen him before was the time in the stairwell...maybe I am confusing him for someone else? He smiles a warm smile, his eyes taking on a less piercing tone._

 

Sh: “Good to see you again Yuri.”

 

M: “So Shin, now that you’ve been introduced to all the members would you like to stick around for our poetry readings? We’re going to start another reading session once we get our next set of students together.”

 

Sh: “As much as I’d love to, I gotta be getting back to my club. I gotta go help my guys out. I’m sure you understand. I’ll take a raincheck.”

 

S: “Oh do you have to?”

 

_Shin gently places his hand on the top of Sayori’s head. The way he looks at her is almost the way I’d imagine an older brother would look at his younger sister. It’s a tad endearing._

 

Sh: “Yeah, sorry Sayori. Duty calls. I’ll talk to you two later. Thanks for the cupcake by the way.”

 

_And with that he disappears out the door. I can still feel my heart racing. Was what he said true? Does he really know me from another class? Perhaps I am confusing him for another person? I mean it is possible. I was already in a compromised emotional state...maybe I---_

 

MC: “Uh, Yuri. Are you ok? You look a little pale.”

 

Y: “O-oh yes. I’m perfectly fine.”

 

N: “So he just took a cupcake and left? MC, your friend’s a dick.”

 

MC: “Oh come on Natsuki. Shin’s not a bad guy. He might wind up joining later on.”

 

M: “MC is right. For all we know, your cupcake might be the determining factor whether or not he joins.”

 

N: “Whatever.”

 

_The look on Natsuki’s face seems to imply she’s not terribly convinced at their optimism. She rolls her eyes as she makes her way to her desk in the corner._

 

MC: “I didn’t know you knew Shin, Yuri.”

 

Y: “Oh...I...well I only know of him in a general sense. We’ve never spoken to each other before today. So how exactly do you and Sayori know him?”

 

MC: “Shin was one of the first friends I made when I was in middle school. He was a bit of a problem child when I was first met him though. He used to get into a lot of fights and pretty much had his own personal seat in the principal's office. He’s mellowed out a lot the past couple of years.”

 

S: “Yeah. Despite what he might like some people to believe, he’s really a nice guy.”

 

M: “Well we still have a bit of time left before we the festival properly starts. Let’s try and get as many club members as we can everyone.”

* * *

_For the next hour, about another two dozen or so students come in inquiring about our literature club. MC, Natsuki, and I all wind up presenting our poems to the groups of students. MC’s recitation was more better than I thought it would be. He spoke with more confidence and conviction than he had done when we did our practice run a few days ago. It was like he was a different person today. Maybe practicing in front of us gave him the courage to overcome his fear of public speaking? For Natsuki, she did very well all things considered. Her beginning was shaky and she struggled to find her wording but after a few lines, she seemed more comfortable with herself.  Sayori said she wasn’t feeling very well and stepped out before she had a chance to do hers. She hasn’t been back in a while so MC said he was going to go check on her. He said that once he finds her the two of them will catch up with us._

 

_We tidy up the classroom as best we can and make our way to where the school has staged the entertainment and festivities for the day. The air is filled with so many new and exciting sounds and aromas. Monika, Natsuki, and I pause as we take in the sights and sounds of the school’s annual festival._

 

N: “Mmmmm that smells amazing.”

 

M: “They really outdid themselves this year. Come on let’s go.”

 

Y: “But what about Sayori and MC?”

 

N: “Don’t worry so much Yuri. I’m sure they’ll be right behind us. Now come on. We did all the hard work already. Let’s relax and have some fun now!”

 

_Natsuki is probably right. I’ve been allowing my apprehensions to get the better of me today. Today is a special day. One where I should be having fun with my friends and enjoying myself. Even though it feels...different...to be doing all of this, I should at least try and enjoy the day. It is after all the last festival I’ll have as a high school student. The three of us make our way into the festival grounds, the sounds of music and laughter filling the air around us._

* * *

_Even though some of the clubs, such as ours, were hosted inside the school, there were a great many more that used the outdoor area to draw in new members. One of the clubs we passed was the Culinary Club. On the table we saw several variants of popular dishes like mochi or meat buns, all hand-made by the students. They had a small glass jar on the end of the table for tips if one were to feel inclined enough to donate. The mochi was delectable. A subtle peach aftertaste sauntered over my pallet as I ate it. Judging by the look on the faces of the club members at the table, they seemed very happy that we enjoyed what they had created._

 

_As we walk by the various tables and clubs, I see a rather sizable crowd of students congregated around one area. My curiosity gets the better of me so I slip away from the others. As I approach the gathering of students, I can see two individuals in feudal style armor. Perhaps this is some sort of dramatic reenactment of some battle between two Japanese warriors? Each one of them is holding what appears to be swords made of bamboo. The two in armor perform their respective bows to each other and take up a fighting stance. Silence blankets the crowd as the two combatants seem to be assessing each other. One of the combatants suddenly breaks the standoff and rushes at the other. The defending combatant effortlessly seems to block the incoming blow. The two of them seem to dance around each other. Their swings seem almost choreographed. There is a sort of beauty to their movements. After a few moments, the one who attacked initially finally lands a downward blow on the head of the other. The two of them separate and take back up their original positions before bowing to the other. The crowd applauds as the two in armor turn and bow._

 

_That was entertaining to watch. As the crowd disperses, I notice a tiny sign off to my right that I hadn’t noticed before. “Kendo Club”. Wait...wasn’t that the club MC’s friend said he was vice president of?_

 

“Oh it’s you.”

 

_I turn back around to see him standing there, the crowd already having dispersed. Shin is holding his helmet under one of his arms, beads of sweat can be seen clinging to his forehead._

 

Sh: “So what did you think of our little sparring match?”

 

Y: “This was my first time I had seen something like this before. It was quite entertaining.”

 

Sh: “Haha, I’m glad you liked it.”

 

_He smiles at me. I can see why Sayori and MC are so fond of him. He seems like a---_

 

Sh: “Oh by the way, how’s your arm doing?”

 

_I can feel my reality fracture as I hear those words. So he was the boy from the other day. Oh no...I feel the tightness in my chest coming back. No, no, no._

 

Sh: “Hm? Are you alright? Do you need some water?”

 

Y: “N-no I’m fine. I just…”

 

“Hey there you are. We’ve been looking for you.”

 

_I turn my gaze to the familiar sound of Natsuki’s voice. Her and Monika are standing there, Monika with a piece of Pocky in her mouth and Natsuki holding a half-eaten egg roll. Never have I been more happy to see these two than now._

 

N: “So this is where you wandered off to.”

 

Y: “I’m sorry.”

 

M: “Don’t be sorry Yuri. So this is your club Shin?”

 

Sh: “Yep. This is the Kendo Club. We get quite a few people who want to sign up for it, that is until they realize what all goes into it.”

 

M: “Oh? Like what?”

 

Sh: “Most of the guys who sign up do so because they think it’ll make them into some anime character or something. Those kinds of guys don’t usually last that long. There’s a lot more to Kendo than simply swinging a sword.”

 

M: “Sounds like something you might like Natsuki.”

 

N: “Don’t count on it. I’ll leave the boys to their Kirito fantasies.”

 

M: “Oh Yuri, we found MC and Sayori. Well good luck with the hunt for new members Shin. We gotta go. See you later.”

 

_It seems my initial thoughts were correct. Shin was the boy from the stairwell. However, his reaction to seeing me was very different than what I thought it would be. Maybe he...my mind is a mess of “what-ifs” and hypotheticals. The tightness in my chests and the subtle gnawing in my veins reminds me that I need to calm myself down before my mind wanders off to places it shouldn’t go to. The three of us eventually make our way to a large outdoor stage where the school’s drama team seems to be putting on an outdoor play. Sayori and MC are at the back of the crowd, Sayori clinging to his arm._

 

_The sound of music begins to radiate from the stage. The actors who are dressed in traditional japanese attire and makeup all take their positions. Judging by the garments and music, it seems like this is Kabuki. The actors gracefully move around the stage as they give their lines and reenact the scenes they had studied. It’s rather mesmerizing. To see literature given a tangible, human form is one of the reasons I love it so. It can invoke so many emotions and feelings and take you to so many different places. I do personally prefer the more surreal and fantastical aspects of literature that only one’s mind can conjure._

* * *

_The five of us spend the remainder of the school day visiting the other booths and stands. It’s been a very tiring day. As the festival ends, we all go our separate ways. The walk home is quiet. I drink deeply the peace afforded to me in this moment. Today has been one of the most emotionally taxing days I have had in a very long time. My mind and body are in need of some much needed rest. I enter the house and all is silent. The sounds of my footsteps climbing the stairs reverberate off the walls. I change out of my uniform and into something more comfortable. I open one of my books I have been reading. As my eyes make their way across the pages, my mind goes back to the events of the day._

 

_Shin Takamura. I was so fearful that he would tell everyone my dirty little secret or that he would look at me the way others did once they found out about my...affliction. He looked me almost as if I was a regular person though. But why? Maybe he does think differently of me and he just didn’t want to embarrass me in front of the others? Maybe he...no. There I go again. Allowing myself to be swept up in the waves of hypotheticals and “what-ifs” again. I should just read my book and relax. So where was I? Oh yes. Chapter 13: “My head felt like it was splitting in half. Thoughts raced through my mind. What would it be like to kill someone like this? I tried to fight them off. I’m stronger than this, I know I am…"_


	7. Chapter 7

**_A week later_ **

 

_ It’s been a week since the events of the school festival. Sadly, it seems that we our member count will remain just the five of us, much to the dismay of Monika and the happiness of Natsuki. Despite our best efforts, none of the students who came by were persuaded to join. It is nice that our club can stay just the five of us. It feels more...intimate this way. All of my other classes are full of students so it’s a welcome reprieve to know that at the end of the day, I have someplace quiet I can go to. _

 

_ Also after the festival, MC told us some very good news. Sayori and him are now officially a couple! I am happy for the two of them. I had assumed from the first day she brought him to the club that they were a couple. I have to say that I am a little jealous of Sayori. To have someone who cares about you as much as MC cares about her is something I truly have longed for although I have never expressed that to anyone. Part of me wishes I could have someone that would look at me the way MC looks at her...er...that’s not to say I wish MC would have chosen me over Sayori! Although I wouldn’t be opposed to that either! He’s a very kind soul and I..I...I...uh...umm...oh dear. Let us move on shall we? _

 

_ Leaving the school I look up and notice the sky is full of gray rainclouds. The sounds of raindrops is a soothing sound. It’s one of the sounds that helps me to sleep at night. For some, rainy days are drab and uneventful. For me however, these days are perfect. Well mostly perfect anyways. I seem to have forgotten my umbrella at home. I had originally intended to stop by the local bookstore to see if I could find any new books to add to my collection. Sigh. Looks like I’ll have to change my plans. _

 

_ Before I step out into the cascading rain I hear a clicking sound, followed swiftly by the sound of something opening. As I look up I see a navy blue umbrella above me. My eyes trace down the frame of the umbrella and to the person holding it. It’s Shin. I don’t know why seeing him fills me such a series of conflicting emotions. _

 

Sh: “Uh, hi there. Lovely weather isn’t it?”

 

_ I know he’s trying to make small talk but I’ve never been good with such things. I nervously play with my hair, doing my best to try and figure out how to remove myself from this awkward situation. _

 

Sh: “Hehe, I’m sorry. That was bad.”

 

_ I glance over at him and notice his face is slightly red and he’s scratching the tip of his nose. Is he...embarrassed? _

 

Sh: “So...um...are you heading home?”

 

Y: “I am.”

 

Sh: “I live that way, so if you’re heading that way, would you...mind if I walk with you? It’s raining pretty hard and I can at least walk with you to your house so you don’t get soaked.”

 

_ He gestures the opposite direction of where my home is. I can hear the nervousness in his voice. His eyes seem far less confident than a week ago. Why would he be nervous though? It’s just me. I am hardly someone to be intimidated by. _

 

Y: “If you wish but I’m not heading straight home. I was intending on stopping by the bookstore first.”

 

Sh: “That’s alright. I don’t mind.”

 

Y: “Alright...and thank you.”

 

Sh: “My pleasure.”

 

_ We walk in relative silence on our way to the bookstore. Shin doesn’t seem to mind that we are heading in the opposite direction of his house. What a strange man. I am grateful that his umbrella is large enough to accompany both of us. _

 

Sh: “So...Yuri is it? What are you hoping to find in the bookstore?”

 

Y: “Possibly new books to add to my collection.”

 

Sh: “So you must really enjoy reading huh?”

 

Y: “Indeed. What about yourself?”

 

Sh: “Uh...I’m not much of a book reader. I never could find anything interesting to read hehe.”

 

_ He sounds a lot like MC when I first met him. Maybe he just hasn’t been exposed to anything that challenges him adequately? Or perhaps he’s scared? For many new readers, sometimes trying to find out what titles to begin reading can feel more daunting than reading itself. What worlds of wonder he is missing out on! I’m sure I can find something that he would enjoy. _

* * *

_ We soon arrive at the bookstore that I frequent. The store is empty all except for the cashier, Mr. Otogawa. Mr. Otogawa, greets us as we both enter. He’s a elderly but kind man. For many people, they would simply go to the library for their books or read them on their electronic devices. Mr. Otogawa however is more of a purist you could say. He believes there is no substitute for a physical book. That reading is more than just the words of the page but is instead an experience. The crisp feeling of a new page as it glides gently to the next. The smell of a new book as you first open it. The weight of book as it rests in your hands while you read. Digital media might have been able to give us access to all the books in the world but there are somethings digital media simply cannot replicate. _

 

Mr. O: “Ah Yuri. Welcome, welcome.”

 

Y: “Hello Mr. Otogawa. How are you today?”

 

Mr. O: “Hoho, enjoying this lovely weather obviously. Hm?”

 

_ Mr. Otogawa looks over my shoulder at Shin who is collapsing the umbrella. _

 

Mr. O: “Oh my dear, I didn’t know you brought your boyfriend with you today. What a pleasant surprise.”

 

_ B-B-Boyfriend!? My cheeks are set ablaze. I look back at Shin who simply smiles and timidly waves at me. _

 

Y: “No, no, no Mr. Otogawa. We are not...he is not my boyfriend. He is simply someone I know from school who offered to walk me home.”

 

Mr. O: “My apologies my dear. I assumed incorrectly. And who are you young man?”

 

Sh: “Shin. Shin Takamura.”

 

Mr. O: “Well it’s nice to meet you Shin. My name is Mr. Otogawa. Yuri, we got a new shipment of books I think you might enjoy. I finished setting up the display just before you arrived. Shin, if you need help finding anything, Yuri should be able to assist you. She knows these books almost as well as I do.”

 

Y: “Thank you so much Mr. Otogawa.”

 

_ I quickly grab Shin’s hand and pull him down one of the aisles of books, the embarrassment I’m sure still very evident on my face. _

* * *

_ I manage to find two new books to add to my collection while browsing the aisles of the store. I am very particular about what books I add to my collection. Mr. Otogawa says that might collection would make the likes of H.P. Lovecraft very happy. For some people that might feel like a slight, but to me I consider it a genuine compliment. I make my way back down one of the aisles to find Shin staring blankly at one of the rows of books. A look of visible frustration is apparent on his face. As I approach him, he lets out a defeated sounding sigh. _

 

Sh: sigh “All of this is way out of my league. This is why I don’t read.”

 

Y: “Nonsense. You simply need to find something that adequately challenges you.”

 

Sh: “I could just read manga like MC does. At least then I would have at least pictures to follow along with.”

 

_ I don’t know what came over me but when I heard him say that I feel...Frustration? Irritation? No, I said I would find him something on our trip here and I will do just that. _

 

Y: “Don’t worry. We will find you something before we leave.”

 

Sh: “Really? What makes you so sure we’ll find something? I told you, I’m not much of a reader.”

 

Y: “We simply need to find something that interests you. So what do you enjoy?”

 

_ Shin pauses for a moment before answering. _

 

Sh: “Well, I like history. I also like action and movies.”

 

_ Hmm...history and action. I know just the book. I quickly make my way to the back of the store along one of the side walls. I’ve been in here long enough to remember the placement of almost every book in here. Mr. Otogawa said I should consider getting a summer job as a librarian. Now where is it...ah there you are. I return to Shin, my quest complete. _

 

Y: “Here you go.”

 

_ Shin takes the book from my hands and examines it. _

 

Sh: “This book is pretty heavy. Hmmm…Romance of the Three Kingdoms? Never heard of it.”

 

Mr. O: “You’ve never heard of  _ Romance of the Three Kingdoms _ !? _ ” _

 

_ Mr. Otogawa calls out from across the store. A look of bewilderment is painted on his face. _

 

Mr. O: “Oh my dear boy you have been missing out. It’s one of the most popular books of all time! I’m sure you will love it.”

 

Sh: “What’s it about?”

 

Y: “It is a story, one part fictional, one part historical, and one part mystical that takes place at the end of the Han dynasty. It primarily deals with the three major powers of the time and their personal and military conflicts, intrigues, and struggles. The version I gave you is an abridged version of the original.”

 

_ Shin gives me a slightly puzzled look. _

 

Sh: “How big is the original?”

 

Y: “About 800,000 words.”

 

Sh: “800,000!? I can’t read all of that!”

 

Y: “Exactly, that’s why I gave you the abridged version of it. I’m sure you’ll be able to get through it. You said you liked history didn’t you?”

 

Sh: “Y-yes but I...I wasn’t expecting...uh....”

 

_ Shin and I make our way to counter to pay for the books. I pull out my pocketbook to pay for the books _

 

Sh: “Wait. You’re not paying for me.”

 

Y: “It’s alright. I don’t mind. It’s the least I can do since you offered to walk me home.”

 

Sh: “No. You’re not paying for me.”

 

Mr. O: “Hm...well it’s your lucky day you two. Today we are running a special where if you buy two books, you get one free. It just so happens to be that the free book in your group is the one young Yuri picked for you my boy.”

 

_ Mr. Otogawa flashes a sly smile at me as he finishes ringing us out before Shin has a chance to form a rebuttal. He hands me two bags, one with my books and the other with Shin’s. _

 

Mr. O: “You should thank Yuri my boy. If she’s to be your guide to the world of literature, you couldn’t have asked for a better one.”

 

_ Shin looks over at me, rubbing the back of his neck. I can see his cheeks becoming an increasing darker rose color. I silently giggle to myself _

 

Sh: “Uh...thank you.”

 

_ With one final wave, Shin and I brave out back into the rain and continue to my house. _

* * *

_ As we arrive to my house, the rain finally ceases, leaving only behind overcast skies above. _

 

Y: “Thank you for this Shin. I do appreciate the kindness.”

 

Sh: “It was nothing.”

 

_ A few moments of awkward silence pass between the two of us. What should I do now? I’ve never had someone walk me home before. _

 

Y: “Well, I guess I’ll see you at school…”

 

_ I turn to walk into my house. _

 

Sh: “Uh Yuri!”

 

_ I turn around to see Shin’s eyes staring at the ground as he fidgets with the handle of the umbrella. _

 

Sh: “If you wanted, you know, if it rains again, I could walk you home if you’d like. Not to say you have to walk home with me or anything! I just...wanted you to know the offers there if you want.”

 

_ I don’t entirely understand why he seems so nervous. Is he trying to impress me? _

 

Y: “If it rains again, then yes. We could if you’d like.”

 

_ A smile radiates from Shin that I haven’t seen before.” _

 

Sh: “Ok! Oh and Yuri...thank you again for the book. I’ll see you tomorrow at school. Bye!”

 

_ With that, Shin disappears around the corner and out of sight. As I walk inside, I rest against the door. My heart is fluttering. Usually when that occurs, my veins will feel like fire and I feel compelled to trace my arms in new scars to alleviate the sensation. But this? This feels different. Is it because of him? Is it...I shake those thoughts from my head. No, that couldn’t be why. That’s silly. If I am to be honest with myself though, that walk home did indeed feel nice. Sometimes the quiet walks home can be lonely. It felt nice to have someone to walk home with for a change… _


	8. Chapter 8

**_You think you’ll escape from me?_ **

 

**_You think I won’t find you?_ **

 

**_HahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!!!_ **

* * *

_ My eyes open to light of a new day, my breathing a staccato rhythm of fear and dread. Another nightmare. The voice in my dream...it’s the same voice from before. Why do I keep having this dream? I can hear my heart beating in the silence of my room. I take a few moments to compose myself before sitting up. I sheepishly scan my room. What am I looking for? Am I worried that I’m still dreaming and whatever that...thing...was might be hiding in wait for me? Or am I doing so for my own sake to remind myself that monsters aren’t real and it was all a dream? Maybe it’s both things. _

 

_ I make my way to my bathroom door when I hear an unusual sound coming from downstairs. It sounds like singing. Maybe father left the radio on? I place some clothes on and go downstairs to investigate. The singing is coming from the kitchen. I am about halfway down the stairs when I realize something else peculiar. I smell someone making food. Now I am equal parts worried and confused. As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I quietly make my way to the kitchen. I turn the corner to see… _

 

“Oh good morning my little lily. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

 

Y: “Mother!? W-w-what...when did you get here?”

 

YM: “Huhuhu, I got in late last night my dear. I wanted to surprise you and your father but it seems like your father is still at work.”

 

Y: “But I thought you were in Europe.”

 

YM: “Oh we were but we have a week between now and our next show so I thought why not come home for a few days? I’ve missed your father and you terribly.”

 

_ My mother walks over to me and hugs me. She smells like vanilla and a crisp autumn day. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tightly. The warmth emanating from her lets me know that this is not some dream. My mother really is home. I do my best to hold back the tears that I feel beginning to form. One of them traces a line down my cheek. _

 

Y: “I’ve missed you so much mother.”

 

_ She smiles that same warm, reassuring smile that she would when I was younger. The kind of smile that would always let me know things would be alright. The kind of smile that would melt away all my anxieties and fears in the warmth of its glow. _

 

YM: “Now my dear, how about some breakfast? You still like your eggs sunny-side up correct?”

* * *

_ For the next hour, I sit in awe as my mother tells me of all the places she’s visited, the people she’s met, and the experiences she’s had since she left. Normally, my mother won’t come home till after her tours and her tours can be anywhere from 2-3 months at a time so for her to come home in the middle of one is a welcomed surprise. _

 

YM: “There was little bistro in Florence that had the most amazing tea and desserts I have ever tasted. I wish I could have saved some to bring back with me.”

 

Y: “What was your favorite venue that you’ve been to so far?”

 

YM: “I would have to say the Manchester Arena in Manchester. The people there were so kind and warm to all of us. The show was sold out all three nights we performed.”

 

_ I look down at my cup of tea, my mind beginning to wander a bit. My mother has always had a very outgoing and infectious personality. Everyone I know who has heard her sing says she has the voice of an angel. Even my father, who is normally very stoic and seldom ever shows emotions, behaves very differently when he speaks of my mother and her singing. Her voice just brings out something in those that hear it. It’s hard to believe that a woman like that would have a daughter that is so very different than her. I truly wish I could be more like her but I just can’t… _

 

YM: “So Yuri, how did your school’s festival go?”

 

Y: “It went...alright. We didn’t get any new club members for our literature club…”

 

YM: “But did you enjoy yourself?”

 

_ My mind flashes back to the events of that day. _

 

Y: “Yes. I did enjoy myself.”

 

YM: “I’m glad to hear that.”

 

_ I take a long sip of my tea as my mother continues to ask questions. It’s times like this with my mother, when it’s just the two of us, that I treasure more than anything else. _

 

YM: “So my dear, I must ask, did any cute boys ask you out while you were at this festival?”

 

_ I nearly choke on my tea at the abruptness of her question. Her voice takes on a hint of mischievousness as she asked it. I can see a sly smile forming on her face from behind her cup of tea. _

 

Y: “U-uh, no. W-why would you think that?”

 

YM: “Call it a mother’s intuition. So what’s his name?”

 

_ I can feel my cheeks beginning to sting with embarrassment. _

 

Y: “I...uh...there is no boy…”

 

_ I longingly stare into the bottom of my teacup, the last remaining drops pooling slowly to the bottom. I’m far too awkward and timid to attract the attention of anyone at school. The only attention I seem to be able to garner is attention that I don’t much care for. Sensing my wandering thoughts, mother reaches her hand and places it on mine. _

 

YM: “Now, now my dear. No need for such a somber face. I am sure whoever they are, will come around soon enough.”

 

_ I choose not to debate further with her on the matter. I know she means well but I feel she is more concerned with me finding a boy than I am for myself. The only boy I interact with any frequency is MC and him and Sayori are now a couple. There is a part of my heart that wishes that he might have chosen me but he is happier with Sayori. I have far too many issues to deserve someone as good as him. I should simply be happy for my friends that they found each other. Maybe one day I will find someone who can make me smile the same way MC does for Sayori… _

 

_ In that instance we hear the sound of the front door opening. A moment later, in walks my father in his hospital uniform. For a brief moment, I don’t believe he realizes what he sees. Normally my father does not show much in the realm of emotions, instead vouching for a very analytical and serious tone to much of what he does. In this moment though, I watch as his tired eyes come to life with a renewed vigor as he slowly walks over to where my mother and I are sitting. A smile forms on his face as mother stands up and embraces him. _

 

YM: “My dear Yuki. I’ve missed you so much.”

 

YF: “Hana...I didn’t know you were home. Why didn’t you call me? I would have come and picked you up from the airport.”

 

YM: “Hehe, I wanted to surprise you and Yuri. Are you hungry dear? I can make you something.”

 

YF: “No, no. I’m fine.”

 

_ My father turns and looks at me. Normally while mother is away, him and I speak very little. With his job and hours, he usually has very little time to himself and the time he does have, he usually spends it asleep. Even though I know he is exhausted, this is the first time in a long while, that when he looks at me, I feel a sense of warmth in his expression. _

 

YF: “Good morning Yuri.”

 

_ Just hearing his words, such simple words, fills my heart with a profound sense of peace. My family is reunited for the first time in what feels like forever. Seeing the look of love and fondness between my parents makes me hope to one day find such a thing for myself. I look at my father, my heart filled with joy. _

 

Y: “Good morning father.”


	9. Chapter 9

**_A couple of days later_ **

 

_ I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with mother these past few days. The normal silence I have learned to grow accustomed to in our home has slowly faded away. The sound of her singing fills the rooms as she goes about her daily tasks. I have told her she should rest but my mother has never been one to sit still for too long.  _

 

_ Her and I even stopped by the bookstore yesterday to see Mr. Otogawa. Mr. Otogawa has known my parents ever since I was an infant. My mother and him spent some time catching up with each other while I perused the aisles of books, searching for anything that might catch my eye. Even though I didn’t find anything that day, it was still an enjoyable experience. However, Mr. Otogawa did ask me if Shin had read the book I had chosen for him the last time I was in. Upon hearing this, my mother’s ears perked up and she shot me a knowing look. Even though she didn’t say anything, I could almost hear the words in her mind as she looked at me. She never mentioned anything about it however on the ride back home. She must feel a sense of vindication that her assumption that there is a boy in my life has been vetted. I don’t see why though. Shin is nothing more than an acquaintance of mine. Speaking of Shin, I wonder what he thinks of the book. _

 

_ It’s lunchtime finally. It’s such a beautiful day out today. I think I will take my lunch outside today. It would be such a waste to spend it indoors. I ascend the stairs leading to the roof. As I swing the door open I see a handful of students who all seem to have had the same idea as me enjoying whatever foodstuffs they brought with them. I look to my left at one of the mostly empty benches and see...Shin? Odd, I’ve never seen him up here before. He looks like he is lost in his thoughts. Even from this distance I can clearly make out the reddish tint of the book from Mr. Otogawa’s store resting next to him. I walk over to him. _

 

Y: “Hello Shin.”

 

_ He looks up at me surprised. _

 

Sh: “Oh, hi. Sorry. I didn’t see you standing there.”

 

Y: “Do you mind if I sit here? Unless you’re waiting for one of your friends.”

 

Sh: “No, it’s just me today. Take a seat.”

 

_ He pats the empty space next to him and takes another bite of his food. I sit next to him, the book resting between the two of us. I open my lunch to reveal one of the rice cakes mother and I had made yesterday. _

 

Y: “So have you been enjoying the book?”

 

_ I watch as he seems to tense up at my question. _

 

Sh: “Hehe...I...I’ve only gotten through the first chapter.”

 

_ He smiles sadly. I would have thought he would have certainly loved the book. I really need to stop assuming others like the same pieces of literature that I enjoy. I do have very niche tastes after all. Maybe I should have eased him more into reading instead of giving him something quite so...dense. _

 

Y: “Oh, I’m sorry. I should have chosen a different piece for you.”

 

Sh: “Don’t be. I really appreciate the book. Really I do. It’s just...I am not the fastest reader.”

 

_ I pick up the book and notice a tiny orange bookmark peeking out of the top of the pages. I flip open to see it’s at the beginning of chapter two. I begin to read through a few of the pages, recounting the last time I read this. I believe I was 12...or was it 13? I notice Shin looking over at the pages from the corner of my eye. I shift the book so that he can see it better. Upon seeing this, Shin diverts his eyes away. _

 

Y: “I could read with you if you’d like. We still have some time before lunch is over.”

 

Sh: “No no, it’s ok. I just...you just look like you really were enjoying yourself. I thought maybe you had gotten to an interesting part.”

 

_ I continue to hold the book between us as Shin’s eyes gradually drift back toward the page. I rest one half of the book on my lap, the other on his. Without a word, we mirror each other’s hand placement on our respective sides of the page. _

 

Y: “Let me know once you finish your page alright? Don’t feel you need to rush through just because of me.”

 

Sh: “O-ok.”

 

_ I notice Shin scoot closer to me, his arm brushing against mine. He seems to be focusing quite intently on the book so he doesn’t seem to notice. For the remainder of the lunch period, we read together. Even though he said he wasn’t a very fast reader, he was able to keep up with my pace relatively well. I tend to read much faster than others. Once I find myself engrossed in a book, I could read a story in one sitting if time and responsibilities weren’t a concern. By the end of the lunch period, we reach the beginning of chapter 3. I close the book and return it to Shin. _

 

Y: “Looks like that’s all for today.”

 

Sh: “Yeah.”

 

_ I gather up the remainder of my things and make my way for the door along with the other students heading back to their classes. _

 

Y: “Well enjoy the remainder of your day Shin.”

 

_ I don’t get very far before I hear Shin call out to me. _

 

Sh: “Yuri wait. I…sigh. Thank you.”

 

Y: “For what?”

 

Sh: “For reading with me. It’s sort of boring when I read alone. I appreciate you taking the time to read with me today.”

 

_ His eyes and smile communicate a genuine sense of appreciation for such a small act. I wouldn’t have assumed something that could be considered so quaint would elicit such a response. “Maybe I might have found a reading partner” I muse to myself. _

 

Sh: "We could read more together tomorrow...er...that is if you want to..."

 

Y: "I'd like that."

 

_ I smile at Shin who smiles in return. We both are the last two to leave the roof. As we near the bottom of the stairs, we begin to head our separate ways. _

 

Sh: “Hey Yuri.”

 

Y: “Hm?”

 

Sh: “Um...did you want me to walk you home today? I’m not saying you have to! I just thought it was a nice day out and figured you’d might like some company today.”

 

Y: “I don’t mind.”

 

_ Shin’s face lights up at my words. What a weird boy he is. _

 

Sh: “Alright then! I’ll meet you out in front of the school at 4:30. I’ll see you later Yuri.”

 

_ I stand there for a few moments. I can feel a warmth coming from my chest. My heart feels like it’s fluttering. I can sense an odd sensation tingling up my arms but not quite the same sensation as usual. I gently rub my arm attempting to pacify the feeling I have now. What is it about this boy that causes me to react like this? It’s not like I like him or anything...no...that’s silly. I shake those thoughts from my mind and make my way to my next class. _

* * *

_ The end of the day seems to arrive quickly. I make my way to where Shin said to meet him. As I arrive at the entrance of the school, Sayori and MC both pass by me. _

 

S: “Hey Yuri, you waiting for someone?”

 

Y: “Uh, you could say that.”

 

MC: “Did you want us to wait with you while you wait for them?”

 

_ Sayori gives me a questioning look. _

 

S: “So what’s his name?”

 

_ I am a bit taken back by her inquiry. _

 

Y: “Uh...er...what makes you think it’s a “he” I am waiting for?”

 

S: “Awww, you’re so cute when you’re like this Yuri. Come on, you can tell us, we’re your friends.”

 

“Hey Yuri, sorry for being late. Ready to go? Oh hi Sayori, hey MC.”

 

_ Shin arrives at that exact moment. MC and Sayori both look at me, then at Shin, then back to myself. _

 

MC: “Hey Shin. What are you doing here?”

 

Sh: “Oh, I’m walking Yuri home.”

 

_ I watch as Sayori’s eyes grow wide, as if she just discovered some hidden secret treasure for the first time. Her look of bewilderment soon is accompanied by an impish smile. The look on her face causes my own to feel like it’s on fire. She flashes me one final smile before grabbing onto MC’s arm. _

 

S: “Ah, I see. Well have a safe walk home you two. Let’s go MC. See you two tomorrow!”

 

MC: “Wait! Ah, where are we going in such a hurry?”

 

_ Soon Sayori and MC disappear from our field of view. I look over at Shin who seems as confused as to what happened as MC was before Sayori took him away. _

 

Sh: “That was weird. Well, you ready to go?”

 

Y: “Y-yes.”

 

_ With that Shin and I begin our walk to my house. On the walk home I realize something, I know very little about Shin. I know he is MC and Sayori’s friend and that he is the vice president of the kendo club but outside of those things, I know next to nothing about him. I feel if we’re going to be reading together in the coming days, the least I could do is to get to know a bit more about him. _

 

Y: “Shin, do you mind if I ask you something?”

 

Sh: “Sure. Go ahead.”

 

Y: “I know next to nothing about you. If we’re going to be spending time together reading, it might be best for us to know a bit more about each other, no? So tell me about yourself.”

 

Sh: “Oh, alright. Well...uh...where do you want me to start?”

 

Y: “Do you have any siblings?”

 

Sh: “No. It’s just me. What about you?”

 

Y: “I’m an only child. What made you decide to take up kendo?”

 

Sh: “My grandmother told me it would help give me an...outlet for my emotions. Hehe. I have a bit of a hair trigger temper at times.”

 

Y: “Temper? You seem rather calm and composed to me.”

 

Sh: “Heh. Sayori will attest to this but a few years ago I was a very different person. I got into a lot of fights. Still do but I’m more selective about them now. My grandma is very happy about that haha. What about you Yuri, what interesting things about you should I know about?”

 

Y: “Well I love reading.”

 

Sh: “Shocking.”

 

_ There is a playfulness to his words as well as a pinch of sarcasm. I cut him a slight glare to which he simply chuckles at me. _

 

Y: “I also like writing and singing.”

 

Sh: “You sing?”

 

_ Oh...why did I say that? I do my best to try and deflect the attention away from what I just said. _

 

Y: “Well I don’t sing very well. My mother on the other hand has one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard.”

 

Sh: “You close to your mom?”

 

_ There’s something in the way he asked that question that catches my attention. I can’t quite place it though. _

 

Y: “Yes. However, I don’t get to see her very much at all. She usually tours across Japan most of the year. She actually is preparing to go back on the road for the second half of her world tour soon. What about you? Are you close to your mother?”

 

_ Shin’s expression grows dark as his eyes fixate themselves on an imaginary point on the ground ahead of him. _

 

Sh: “She...she died when I was nine.”

 

_ That feeling I sensed before? I now understand what it was. _

 

Y: “I...I’m sorry.”

 

Sh: “It’s alright. It’s not your fault.”

* * *

_ We soon arrive at my house. Shin walks me up to my door. _

 

Y: “Thank you again Shin.”

 

Sh: “No need to thank me.”

 

“Oh Yuri dear who is this?”

 

_ I jump at the suddenness of hearing the voice behind me. I turn around to see my mother standing in the doorway. She casts her gaze from me to Shin. _

 

Y: “Oh mother...t-this is Shin. Shin, this is my mother.”

 

Sh: “Nice to meet you ma’am.”

 

YM: “It’s always nice to meet Yuri’s friends. Are you going to be staying for dinner Shin?”

 

Sh: “I’d love to but I gotta get home. My grandmother is probably wondering where I am.”

 

YM: “That’s a shame. Maybe next time.”

 

Sh: “Well I’ll see you tomorrow Yuri. It was nice to meet you ma’am.”

 

_ With that Shin waves goodbye and heads home. I turn around and see my mother giving me a similar look to what Sayori gave me earlier. _

 

Y: “W-why are you looking at me like that?”

 

YM: “Oh nothing my dear.”

 

_ My mother smiles and walks back inside, singing to herself. My heart is racing. Even though they didn’t say anything, I can only imagine what my mother and Sayori were thinking when they gave me those looks. Sigh. _

 

YM: “Yuri! Dinner is ready!”

 

Y: “I-I’m coming!”


	10. Chapter 10

**_The next day_ **

 

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

**_6:00AM_ **

 

_ Beep...beep...beep _

 

I reach over to my phone to silence the alarm. I will never get used to having to get up this early.

 

_ Yaaawwwwwnnnn _

 

Mmm...I wipe the sleep from my eyes as I try to wake myself up. As I look outside, I notice the familiar early morning rays of the sun. Well might as well get this over with. I get dressed in my early morning gear and throw my hoodie on. As I walk down the stairs, I look up at the clock on the wall. 6:07am. Good, I still have time. The house is silent at this hour. Jiji should still be asleep. Best not to wake her up at this ungodly hour. Oh, who’s jiji? That’s just the name I call my grandmother. I quietly open the door and head outside. The cool of the early morning air feels good. Well time to get this road work in. I put my headphones in, throw my hood up, and start my route.

 

My normal route is about a 3.5 mile loop that has me passing things like Sayori and MC’s houses, the school, and one of the nearby parks, before it ends back at my house. I know this route like the back of my hand. Rain, shine, good, or bad I get up nearly every morning to run. To most people my age this would sound stupid. “Why would you do that? Wouldn’t you rather be sleeping?” Of course I would be bakas! I only know of a few people who would willingly subject themselves to this kind of early morning routine. However, I do admit, it is nice to be out here this early. No annoying people to have to deal with. Just me and my music. MC thinks I’m crazy for doing this. I’m gonna drag him along for one of my runs one of these days, even if I have to literally drag him along kicking and screaming haha.

 

**_6:38AM_ **

 

Soon I arrive back to my house. I check my phone before entering the house. Hmm...not bad. A little more than 30 minutes. Nowhere near my fastest time but not everyday can be a new personal best. I shove my phone back into my pocket and open my door. The house is still as quiet as I left it. I sneak back up the stairs to shower. As I walk back into my room, I notice the book Yuri gave me propped up next to my bed. I place the book on my bed. Can’t forget that.

 

After showering, I get dressed for school. Whoever’s idea it was to put ties on these uniforms should be fired. Not like it matters too much to me, I never wind up wearing it anyway. Most of my teachers either don’t care enough to say anything or have just given up trying to convince me to wear it at this point ha. I check my phone for the time. 7:00am. Perfect. As I make my way downstairs I can smell the familiar scent of tea. Looks like jiji is awake. I walk past the kitchen to find her sitting at the table sipping on her tea.

 

Grandma (Jiji): “Ah, good morning Shin.”

 

Sh: “Morning grandma.”

 

I walk over and give her a kiss on the head like I normally do. It’s as much of my routine as my road work in the morning. I head over to the refrigerator to piece together what I’ll be having for lunch today. Hmmm...oooo...left over pork buns. I’ll take those thank you.

 

G: “How was the run today?”

 

Sh: “Eh, it was ok. Managed to be done in about 30 minutes.”

 

G: “Only 30 minutes? My dear Shin, you seem to be getting slower. Do I have to go out with you to show you how it’s done? Huehue.”

 

I give my grandma a deadpan expression. I thought people got kinder as they got older. Nope, she’s just got more sarcastic as she got older. It’s one of the reasons I like her so much.

 

Sh: “Just make sure you don’t break a hip or anything old lady.”

 

After finishing packing up a few more things I’m ready to head to out. I give my grandma one final hug before leaving.

 

Sh: “Alright, I’m heading out. Have a good day and stay out of trouble.”

 

G: “Hoho, have a good day Shin.”

* * *

On my way to school I pass MC’s house. I notice he’s standing there by himself. He turns and nods at me.

 

MC: “Oh morning Shin.”

 

Sh: “Hey MC. Waiting on the misses?”

 

I watch as MC blushes a bit. I told him ever since I knew he was friends with Sayori, that I knew they’d make a good couple. I used to give him such a hard time about it. He would always adamantly deny it every time I would poke fun at him for it. It feels real good when you wind up being right about something.

* * *

Oh you want to know how I know MC? Hmmm...well him and I went to the same middle school. When I first met him, I didn’t like him. At all. Then again, I didn’t like a lot of people back then. I bullied him pretty much every chance I got. It was easy. That was also how I met Sayori oddly enough. One day while I was harassing him, she showed up. She stepped between me and him and told me to leave her best friend alone. I remember thinking to myself “who does this girl think she is?” The thing that stopped me that day wasn’t some change of heart or anything. It was the way she looked at me. The look in her eyes...it was the look of someone who even though they were terrified refused to run away. The same kind of eyes my mother used to have...

* * *

From that day forward, I swore off bullying him. I couldn’t bring myself to have her look at me with those same eyes again. Now you might be wondering, “well that’s great and all but there’s gotta be more to it than just that right?” You would be right.

 

There eventually came a day when the tables were turned on me and I found myself on the receiving end of a beating from some of the other guys in the school. Can’t say I am surprised though. When you get into as many brawls as me, you’re bound to make a few enemies. The bastards jumped me and left me pretty much a bloody mess. I can’t remember the specifics to that day, several blows to the head will do that to ya, but I do remember one thing. Amidst the punches, MC showed up. I told the idiot to run but he was either too hard-headed or stupid to listen. He told the guys using my body as a heavy bag to leave me alone. “What’s it to ya what happens to him?” I remember them telling him. He remained silent. What followed was them deciding to rough him up as well. Once they had their fun, MC was left with a black eye and a busted lip. 

 

He extended his hand to me to help me up and I swatted it away. “I didn’t ask for your help,” I remember telling him. Up to that point in my life, I had grown to believe the only person I could rely on was myself. Everyone else just winds up leaving you in the end. As I struggled to my feet, I had to ask him why he would risk his neck for someone like me. Up till that point, people either hate me or feared me. There was no in between. His answer? “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to do.” At the time, I just brushed it off as him just trying to take pity on me or for him to make himself feel better about helping the “troubled kid.” It wasn’t till nearly a year later that I told him that his words that day really stuck with me. Sayori was the first person to ever really stand up to me and MC was the first person to stand up for me. They knew exactly who I was...what I was...and in MC’s case, he still decided to help me. It was the first time anyone had done that for me.

 

Fast forward to today and MC and Sayori are now two of the closest friends I have. Granted that didn’t happen overnight. It took a long time (most of middle school actually) before I decided to trust them enough to open up to them. It’s kind of hard to be friends with people when all you’ve known most of your life is being alone.

* * *

MC: “Yeah. She should be here any minute.”

 

Sh: “You didn’t keep her up late did you?”

 

MC: “Why would I keep her up late?”

 

Sh: “You know...spending that “special time” together?”

 

MC: “Huh?”

 

MC simply stares at me. I swear his skull is thicker than a brick wall.

 

Sh: “You really have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”

 

“What are you two talking about?”

 

Sh: “Oh hi Sayori. Uh, nothing. How are you?”

 

S: “I’m good. Thanks for asking.”

 

Yeah over the time I’ve known these two there are a couple of things I’ve learned about them. For MC, despite the fact he may come off exceedingly apathetic and oblivious, he really does mean well. He doesn’t really have too many other friends outside of Sayori and I’m guessing the girls in the club he’s a part of. Ever since I’ve known him, he’s always been a bit of a loner. I’m not entirely sure if it’s by choice or not. I’m convinced that without her, he’d probably lose most motivation to do anything. 

 

As for Sayori, she’s probably the happiest person I’ve ever met. I do have to admit, it was really off-putting for her to be that happy all the time. When I would see her interact with MC, she was always so patient with him. It seemed that anytime I saw her, he was with her. It was then I started to realize, there was a bit more to their friendship than just simply “being friends”. No matter how much they might have denied it, you can’t tell me people who practically grew up in the same house together aren’t going to start catching feelings for each other at some point. And it would seem I was right. Sayori always looks her happiest when she’s around MC. I told him when he told me that Sayori and him had actually made it official. I told him he had better treat her right and watch out for her. If not, I’d break his legs. I was only being half serious with that last part.

 

I watch as Sayori walks over and takes a hold of MC’s hand and latches onto his arm.

 

Sh: “Awww. Look at the happy couple. Your lovey-doveyness makes me ill.”

 

S: “Hehehe. Don’t be jealous Shin. One day you’ll be like this.”

 

Sh: “Uh...no.”

 

S: “Oh really?”

 

The look Sayori gives me in that moment catches me off guard.

 

S: “So Shin...how was your walk home with Yuri yesterday?”

 

Sh: “Fine but what does that have to…”

 

That smug grin she has on her face causes the light bulb to go off in my head.

 

Sh: “Wait! No! I know what that look means! We didn’t...I didn’t…”

 

Sayori giggles at me while MC just looks at the two of us.

 

MC: “Huh...what does them walking home have to do with…”

 

Apparently the light bulb finally goes off in MC’s head too. Better late than never.

 

MC: “Wait...Shin are you and Yuri dating!?”

 

Sh: “No you idiot! We are not! I just offered to walk her home is all.”

 

S: “Is that all you offered her though?”

 

Sh: “What was that?”

 

S: “Oh nothing hehe.”

 

Sh: “Bah. Can we change the subject now please?”

 

The three of us begin our walk to school. MC and I make small talk while Sayori quietly hums to herself as we make our way up the road to the school. Seeing the two of them like this does make me happy. You better take good care of her MC and appreciate her. We soon arrive at the entrance to the school.

 

Sh: “Well have a good day you two. I’ll see you around.”

 

MC: “Alright, catch you later Shin.”

 

S: “Tell Yuri I said hi.”

 

I can feel my eye twitch when she said that.

 

Sh: “You know you’re really lucky you’re cute…”

 

S: “Hehe, I’m just messing with you Shin.”

 

I smile to myself. She’s one of the few people I know who I can’t really actually get mad at. She’s kind of like the little sister I never had. I place my hand on the bow on her head.

 

Sh: “Yeah. I know. Well have a good day you two.”

 

MC+S: “Bye Shin.”

 

Well time for class.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

**_Lunchtime_ **

 

I take a bite out of one of the meat buns I took from this morning as I wait for Yuri to get here. I wonder where she is? The conversation from this morning with MC and Sayori replays in my head. Dummies, I just offered to walk her home is all. It’s no different than when MC offered to walk Sayori ho...Ok that’s not a good example. If I’m being honest, I do like Yuri. I mean what guy wouldn’t like her? She’s beautiful...and smart...and.... I can feel myself getting flustered. I shake the thoughts from my head. Bah, I need to stop that.

 

“Fufufu, hello there my dear Shin.”

 

That voice. I look up to see  _ her _ standing in front of me. Fuck me. One of the last people in the world I want to see.

 

Sh: “What do you want Lilith?”

 

L: “Now Shin, is that anyway to talk to one of your best friends?”

 

Sh:  _ sigh _ “What do you want?”

 

Lilith sits down next to me, placing her hand on my knee.

 

L: “Oh nothing. I just was up here enjoying the lovely weather is all.”

 

I remove her hand from my knee. She’s not the type of girl to simply “come over and talk”. She wants something.

 

Sh: “Sure you are.”

 

Lilith begins to pout and glare at me.

 

L: “You’re no fun. Don’t worry. I know when I’m not wanted.”

 

Lilith gets up and takes a few steps away before turning around.

 

L: “I’ll see you around my dear.”

 

She winks at me before walking away. As she walks, she passes by Yuri who is heading toward me.

 

Y: “S-sorry for being tardy Shin. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

 

I look over Yuri’s shoulder to see Lilith glaring at Yuri. I can tell even from this distance that there are some embers of jealousy in her eyes. Lilith disappears through the door leading back into the school.

 

Sh: “No. I wasn’t waiting long.”

 

Yuri takes a seat next to me. I go back to eating the remainder of the meat bun I had before Lilith came over. I look over at Yuri who is simply sitting there, her hands in her lap.

 

Sh: “Hm? Did you bring a lunch today?”

 

Yuri plays with a few strands of her hair.

 

Y: “I...I forgot my lunch today at home. It’s alright though, I’ll be fine.”

 

No sooner does she say that, that I hear her stomach growl. Yuri’s face turns a bright red as I watch her turn her face. I reach into my bag and pull out the last meat bun I have.

 

Sh: “Here. I know it’s not much.”

 

Y: “Oh no. I couldn’t possibly---”

 

Her stomach lets out another low grumble.

 

Sh: “It’s ok. Eat up. No reason for you to pass out because you’re hungry.”

 

Yuri timidly takes the food from me.

 

Y: “T-thank you.”

 

I watch as she takes a small bite.

 

Sh: “Is it good?”

 

Y: “Yes. Thank you. Did you make this?”

 

Sh: “Not this batch of them. My grandmother did.”

 

Y: “Oh? You live with your grandmother?”

 

Sh: “Mhm. She’s the one who taught me how to cook.”

 

Y: “I must thank her one day. It really is delicious.”

 

I reach into my bag and pull out the book for Yuri and I to read together.

 

Y: “Before we begin today Shin, might I ask you something?”

 

Sh: “Uh sure. Go ahead.”

 

Y: “Who was that young woman speaking with you earlier? Was she a friend of yours?”

 

I feel the muscles in my chest tense up at her words. I really wish she had asked me almost any other question other than that.

 

Sh: “That...that was Lilith. She’s a lot of things but “friend” is not one of the things I’d use to describe her.”

 

Y: “What is she then to you?”

 

Sh: “...no one that’s important.”

 

Y: “Oh...I’m sorry.”

 

There’s a few tense moments of silence between the two of us. I look over at Yuri who looks upset. She just asked a question. No need for me to take it out on her. Dammit Shin, don’t be a jerk.

 

Sh: “It’s alright.”

 

I open the book to where Yuri and I left off at yesterday. I rest the book on both or laps as Yuri holds her side of the book and I hold mine. We begin to read but I notice about four or five pages in, that Yuri arches her back like she’s in pain.

 

Sh: “You feeling ok? You look like you’re in pain.”

 

Y: “I’m fine. It’s just my back hurts.”

 

I’m sure the pain in her back is from more than just how we’re sitting while we read. That much is obvious, however I’m not going to mention that to her. I’m sure she must get that a lot from others.

 

Sh: “Would you like to sit against the wall? You know so you can prop your back against that?”

 

Yuri starts to blush a little.

 

Y: “Sure.”

 

Yuri and I sit against the wall. Since we obviously can’t rest the book on our laps anymore, I prop up one of my legs and rest it on it. I can feel Yuri’s body resting against my arm. Her face is closer than I thought it would be. I know this is going to sound really weird but she smells really good. Like a mixture of flowers and the air after it rains.

 

Y: “Are you done?”

 

Yuri’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

 

Sh: “Huh? Wha?”

 

Y: “The page. Are you finished yet or would you like a few more moments?”

 

Sh: “Hehe, no. I’m done.”

 

For the remainder of the lunch period Yuri and I read. Her and I discuss some of the different aspects of the book like the characters, their motives, my initial thoughts on it, etc. I can tell she really does love reading. The way her eyes light up when she discusses the characters, it’s almost like she’s talking about old friends of hers. All that timidness just up and disappears when she’s like this. It’s almost like she’s a different person altogether.

 

Soon we hear the bell alerting us that lunch is over. We managed to get to chapter four today. Not bad considering we started later than yesterday. I stand up and extend my hand to Yuri to help her up.

 

Sh: “Come on. Let me help you up.”

 

Yuri extends her hand as I pull her up.

 

Y: “Thank you.”

 

Sh: “Anytime. Thanks for the reading session today.”

 

Y: “It was my pleasure.”

 

Sh: “So you ready to go?”

 

Y: “Uh...yes but Shin…”

 

I see Yuri looking down. As I follow where her eyes are looking, I notice that I’m still holding her hand. I quickly jerk my hand away.

 

Sh: “I’m sorry! I didn’t...mean to...”

 

I can feel my cheeks beginning to burn. Someone just end me. At least Sayori and MC aren’t here to see me making a fool of myself. I am half expecting to see her looking at me like I’m some creep or weirdo. Instead she smiles. That disarming kind of smile that makes my heart feel like I just ran a marathon.

 

Y: “It’s alright Shin.”

 

Yuri walks over to the bench and grabs my bag and hands it to me.

 

Sh: “T-thank you.”

 

Y: “Shall we be going? We don’t want to be late for our classes.”

 

Sh: “Yeah.”

* * *

**_End of the day_ **

 

Sh: “Alright guys, that’s all for today. Good work everyone. We’ll work more on sparring techniques tomorrow.”

 

I pack up my thing as the rest of my club mates head home. I rub my forearms feeling the early marks of a new bruise. Someone’s gotta tell these guys that not every swing needs to be done like you’re trying to hit a home run. At least they’re learning. I’ll just have to show them why I’m the vice president of the kendo club tomorrow then hehe.

 

I make my way to the front of the school where I run into MC and Sayori leaving out of the main door, hand-in-hand. MC is the first to notice me.

 

MC: “Oh hey Shin. How’d today’s session go?”

 

Sh: “Ok I guess. The new members are slowly getting used to things. We already weeded out some of them. A lot of them thought kendo was simply swinging swords at each other. It was fun to show them how wrong they were haha.”

 

S: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think you enjoyed teaching them that lesson.”

 

Sh: “Oh, I do. A lot. So where are you two off to?”

 

MC: “We’re heading back to my house for dinner and then to study.”

 

I give Sayori and MC and bit of a dubious look.

 

Sh: “Study you say? What’s tonight’s homework? Anatomy?”

 

I watch as Sayori begins to blush at my implication.

 

MC: “So what are your’s and Yuri’s plans tonight?”

 

Sh: “Oh, nothing we’re just...wait...what makes you think we have plans?”

 

MC flashes me the biggest shit eating grin I have seen him give someone. I put MC in a headlock.

 

Sh: “You cheeky little…”

 

MC: “Ow, haha, I was just kidding.”

 

“Um, is everything alright?”

 

MC and I stop struggling as I look up to see Yuri standing there. I let go MC.

 

Sh: “Oh everything’s good. We were just talking.”

 

Yuri looks at the three of confused.

 

Y: “O...kay? Are you ready to go Shin?”

 

Sh: “Yeah. I’ll see you two tomorrow.”

 

MC: “Have a good night you two.”

 

His words feel like they carry an ulterior motive. I look back over my shoulder as Yuri and I start walking to see the two of them with smug smiles on their faces. These two really are enjoying themselves at my expense.

 

Y: “Is everything alright Shin? You look flushed?”

 

Sh: “N-no. I’m ok. So about the chapter we read today…”


	12. Chapter 12

**_A week and a half later_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ I find myself staring at the ceiling of my room. It’s been a few days since mother left to resume her tour. The day she left was particularly hard for me. I didn’t want her to go. The time I got to spend with her seemed so short. Far, far too short. Even father, who was much more lively and warm with her here, seems to have returned to his more stoic tendencies. I could tell when we dropped her off at the airport that he didn’t want her to leave either. I do miss her terribly. _

 

_ The stresses and pain of her leaving have also had less than pleasant effects on my mental state. I look at the fresh marks that criss-cross and have etched themselves into my forearm and upper arm. I stare at them for a moment almost as if entranced by them. These marks, these were born the days following our return from the airport. There were so many emotions I felt during that time. Sadness. Anxiety. Anger. Loneliness. Fear. I coped with them the only way I knew how. I really am weak aren’t I? What would mother think if she saw me like this? _

 

_ I walk over to my desk. A mess of books and papers litters its surface. It’s almost like my mind, a disorganized mess. I proceed to tidy things up, placing the books back where they belong and clearing the papers off the desk. If only it was so simple to do this with my own thoughts. I feel like I’ve been lost in a fog of my own making. Sigh. Maybe it would be best for me to rest. I haven’t really had a good night’s rest for a few nights now.  _

 

_ I return to my bed and close my eyes. I can feel my body slowly sinking into the mattress. My eyes make a vainglorious attempt to stay open but quickly succumb to the fatigue that the rest of my body has already relinquished itself to. _

* * *

_ I find myself running through the same inky, black darkness again. I can hear them. I can feel them right behind me. No matter how fast I run, they’re always right there. I see someone in the distance. Maybe they can help me escape whatever it is that is relentlessly pursuing me. I call out to them and they slowly turn to face me. As they turn, I feel my body freeze. _

 

_ A sadistic smile creases their face as they draw closer to me. Something glints in the darkness. Even in the darkness, I know that silhouette. It’s the curve of a knife.  I attempt to scream but nothing happens. In the time it takes for me to blink, they’ve gone from being some distance away to being directly in front of me. I feel their fingers clamping down around my neck. I...I can’t breathe… _

 

**_You will be mine soon enough._ **

 

**_Mine._ **

 

**_All mine!_ **

 

_ I stare into their lifeless eyes. Even in the darkness they glow a distinct color of eminence. I recognize them...no...NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY! _

 

**_Hahaha…_ **

 

**_HAHAHA._ **

 

**_HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!_ **

* * *

_ I wake up screaming. My heartbeat is the only thing I can hear. I reach into the drawer of my nightstand and brandish the knife I have stowed away within. I point the blade at the shadows of my room, hoping that it might stave off my fears and calm my racing thoughts. I can still feel their fingers on my throat. That maddening look in their eyes. Even though this dream has become a semi-frequent occurrence, it’s presence is still enough to make me wake up in a cold sweat. _

 

_ I get out of bed and check all the locks and windows in my room. I don’t know why I’m doing this. The thing that is terrifying me isn’t some mugger or monster inhabiting my room. I sit back down on my bed after making my rounds of my room, making sure my little sanctuary is secure. I place the knife back into the drawer from which it came and place my head in my hands. My heart is beating at a less frantic pace, my breathing becoming more subdued as a result.  _

 

_ I lay back down on my bed, noticing the soft glow of the moonlight cascading through my bedroom window. The eyes of the individual in my dream continually flash in my mind. Ever since the first time I had this nightmare, I felt that I knew who was seemingly hunting me. After tonight I’m certain I know who it is. I don’t know if this revelation makes me feel more or less at ease. I find myself staring at my hands as if they are foreign objects I’m seeing for the first time. How do you fight a foe that you cannot see? How do you deal with an adversary that only attacks you at your most vulnerable state? What can you do when you are your own worst enemy? _

* * *

**_The following morning_ **

 

_ I find myself waking to the sound of...silence? I would have thought my alarm would have gone off by now. I look around for my phone and find it resting on the floor. I must’ve knocked it down last night and not realized it. I turn on the screen and notice it’s...9:33AM!? Oh dear, I’ve overslept! Oh no no no. I’m late for school. I bolt out of bed and begin to scramble around my room, trying to piece together the things I will be needing for today. I must have slept through all my alarms.  _

 

_ I rush to the bathroom and immediately notice my appearance. Slightly dark circles have begun to form under my eyes, my hair is in shambles. I look like, how did Natsuki put it...a hot mess? I sigh to myself. Well if I’m going to be late, I might as well make myself look at least somewhat presentable. I disrobe and turn on the shower. The warm water traces its way down my back and shoulders. It’s an invigorating feeling this early in the morning. I can’t be in here too long however. After a quick scrub and clean, I get dressed and make my way downstairs. My hair is still wet but it’ll just have to dry as I walk to school. I reach the kitchen and do a quick rundown of everything I will need for today. I decide to grab a few pieces of fruit and one of the lunches I had pre-made for myself the night before before leaving out the door. _

* * *

**_Later that day at the literature club_ **

 

_ It’s nearing the end of the day so it’s time for the literature club to meet. It will be nice to finally be able to relax. I open the door to find...Sayori? Odd, she normally comes with MC. Maybe he’s running late? She’s just staring at her phone, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. I walk up behind her and tap her on the shoulder. She lets out a yelp and nearly falls out of her chair. She spins around, her eyes wide. _

 

S: "Oh Yuri. You startled me."

 

Y: "I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. You just seemed so deep in thought, I wanted to make sure you were ok."

 

S: "I'm fine. I was just daydreaming was all."

 

Y: "Oh? About what if you don't mind me asking?"

 

_ Before she has a chance to answer, we both hear the door open and in walks Natsuki and MC. They seem to be arguing about something. _

 

N: "How can you believe that Sword Art Online is a better manga series than Angel Beats? Are you out of your mind?!"

 

MC: "The story is so much better and the characters are way cooler."

 

N: "Yeah if you're a twelve year old otaku with poor tastes. I bet you're the same type of person that things Dragon Ball Z is the greatest anime of all time too."

 

_ MC just sits there with a somewhat embarrassed look on his face. _

 

N: "Baka!"

 

_ Seemingly flustered, Natsuki walks to the closet and picks out one of her manga. MC walks over to where Sayori and I are sitting. _

 

MC: "Hehe, sorry about that. How are you two doing? I wasn't interrupting anything was I?"

 

Y: "Oh no. I'm good. Thank you for asking."

 

S: "Yep. I'm good. Yuri and I were just talking is all."

 

MC: "Oh? About what?"

 

S: "Stuff, hehe."

 

"I'm so sorry I'm late!"

 

_ We look back at the door, we see a winded Monika walk-in. She looks like she might have sprinted here. _

 

M: "Sorry everyone. I lost track of time during music class."

 

MC: "It's fine. Natsuki and I just got here."

 

Y: "Yes and Sayori and I haven't been here that long."

 

_ Monika takes a few moments to get herself together and after that, we start our club meeting. _

* * *

**_End of the day_ **

 

_ Today was a simple day for us, for which I was very grateful. Monika’s assignment for us this evening is for us to bring in one of our favorite books to the next club meeting and to share it with each other. I am looking forward to this. It’ll be nice to see what everyone will bring tomorrow. However, right now what I want more than anything is to be back in my bed. I found myself today while reading with Shin, passing out on his shoulder. I didn’t even realize I had fallen asleep until he woke me and told me that lunch period was over. I was so embarrassed. He said I looked peaceful so he didn’t want to disturb me. I apologized again and again but he said not to worry.  _

 

_ Normally Shin and I would walk home but he said he had to stay behind today to work on somethings for his club members. It is probably for the best though. I really need to get home before my exhaustion overtakes me. I begin walking home, savoring the feeling of the warm sunlight on the back of my neck and the fresh spring breeze on my face. _

* * *

_ The walk home feels like it took much longer today than normal. I wearily walk up to my front door and open it using the door as a makeshift brace for my tired body. I make my way upstairs to my room, dropping my bag with a resounding thud on the floor as I enter. I fall face first into my bed’s open embrace. I allow myself to slowly sink into the coolness of the sheets. Oh bed, how I have missed you so. _

 

_ I lazily change out of my school uniform and into something more comfortable. I decide on a pair of running shorts and a simple white t-shirt. I really should go out and run more but today is not that day. For now I simply want to rest. I return to my bed and realize something that I hadn’t thought of until just now. If I were to fall asleep now, I would most likely wake up in a few hours and then be wide awake all night long. Future me would probably appreciate it if current me would refrain from such a thing. I lazily roll out of bed and head downstairs. I need to keep myself busy at least for a few more hours. _

* * *

_ Over the next few hours, I accomplish quite a bit. I managed to get some laundry done, clean the house a bit, and even cook myself dinner and make a lunch for myself and Shin tomorrow. Uuuuu…I mean...I do owe him after all for sharing his lunch with me that one day. It’s only right that I pay him back in kind. I hope he doesn’t mind sushi. I feel myself getting all bothered. Stop it Yuri. It’s just lunch for a friend. No need to overthink things. _

 

_ I wonder if he considers me his friend. I mean, the extent of our interactions are our readings at lunch and our walks home but is that really enough to...there I go again. Sigh. I really need to stop over-analyzing things. Mother says that the undue stress is going to lead to me getting gray hairs. _

 

_ I look up at the clock and notice it’s about 9PM now. Good. I make myself a cup of chamomile tea and make my way to my room. Some tea and light reading before bed will help put my mind at ease. I manage to get through the final few chapters of the book I have been reading.  _

* * *

_ As I look at the clock I see it’s almost 11:30PM. I place my cup on the nightstand next to me and pull the sheets over me. I can hear the pitter patter of rain drops on the roof and on my window pane. It’s a beautiful sound. Even though my body is exhausted, my mind continues to race. I take a few deep breaths in an attempt to pacify my thoughts. Maybe I’m simply worried that I will have another nightmare? It’s nights like this I wish I wasn’t alone. Loneliness. I’ve spent so much of my life being alone, that it’s become normal for me. I...don’t want to be alone though. Yes, it is healthy for a person to have time to themselves but all the time? Time seems to be the only thing I have. _

 

_ It’s one reason I envy Sayori’s relationship with MC. She must never feel alone with him around. I feel a longing in my chest. A gnawing, incessant longing. I just wish I had someone that could care about me the way he cares about her. I see how happy they make each other, how they enjoy each other’s company, the naturalness of their relationship. It feels like a knife in the heart some days when I see them. I feel the faint trails of tears beginning to streak down my face allowing themselves to be caught up by my pillow. _

 

_ I...just want...to be wanted. To be loved. Is that so much to ask for? I feel the same gnawing feeling that was once in my chest migrating to my arms. I look at both of them with what little light is afforded to me in my room. Even in the dark, I can see them. The reasons why no one would love someone so horribly broken as me. Am I forever doomed to a life of solitude and solidarity? I clutch my pillow tightly. Will no one ever want me? I silently weep into my pillow, until I finally fall asleep. _


	13. Chapter 13

**_The following morning_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Uuuu...uh...it’s morning? I slowly open my eyes to see a partly cloudy sky and the few lingering raindrops still clinging to my window pane. I can feel the slight dampness of my pillow under me. It would seem I cried myself to sleep last night. At least that gnawing feeling from before has subsided. _

 

_ Judging by the light coming in through my window, it must be rather early. I pick up my phone to check the time. Mmmm, yes. I have at least another half an hour before my alarm goes off. Falling back to sleep would probably not be a wise decision. I decide to try and write a bit before I need to begin getting ready for school. Writing has always been a way for me to get my thoughts out of my head and into a more...manageable state. If I can see them on paper, they don’t feel as overwhelming or daunting of a challenge to face. _

* * *

_ A half hour passes and my alarm chimes to life. I silence it and find myself staring at several half erased pieces of paper. They litter my desk, some half done, some never having had the chance to even begin. I guess my mind is a bit too chaotic to be writing so early in the morning. Sigh. C’est la vie. Maybe when I get home I’ll be in a better state of mind. _

 

_ I decide to leave desk as is and proceed to get dressed and ready for school. Monika said she wanted us to bring one of our favorite books with us to share correct? I could bring the Portrait of Markov but I’m fairly certain that would be a bit...too much for today. Maybe something a bit more mild? I step over to my bookshelf, tracing the spines of the books occupying it’s shelves, searching for something to share with the others. Now...what to pick? This must be what some girls go through when it comes to searching for clothes to wear. So many choices to choose from yet no idea what to pick. I guess spending the money I have saved up on books is both a blessing and a curse in a way. I eventually find one that I think the others will enjoy. I gently stuff the book into my bag along with my other things and make my way downstairs. I pack up the two bento boxes I had made the night before for Shin and I and head out. _

* * *

**_Lunchtime_ **

 

_ The first few classes of the day seem to fly by. Before I realize, it’s lunchtime. I head to roof to meet Shin in our usual spot. As I am walking through the halls I run into him. _

 

Sh: “Oh hi Yuri. How are you?”

 

Y: “I’m fine Shin. How are...?”

 

_ I immediately notice a dark half circle under one of his eyes. _

 

Y: “Shin! What happened to your eye?”

 

_ Shin gives me a somewhat confused look initially. _

 

Sh: “Huh? What are you...oh...this? Oh it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

 

_ I find myself staring at it even more intently now. I don’t know how he expects me to not worry about something as obvious as this. I decide to forego asking him further about it. He’ll tell me if and when he’s ready. _

 

Y: “Ahem...w-well let’s go shall we?”

 

Sh: “I actually had a different idea. Follow me.”

 

Y: “Uuu---wait Shin. Where are we going?”

* * *

_ Shin takes my hand and guides me down the stairs and out behind the back of the school. Behind the school is where the normal lunch area is for most students. It’s open but far too noisy for my tastes. However, Shin doesn’t take us over to the benches where all the other students are eating. Instead he guides us over to a large cypress tree on the outskirts of the school’s property. _

 

_ Sh: “I figured with the heat, it might be safer for the two of us to do our reading in the shade today.” _

 

_ Shin takes a seat and pats the ground next to him. He seems to be in a better mood than usual. I sit next to him as I begin to unpack my things. I carefully pull out the two bento boxes. Shin gives me a somewhat puzzled look as he looks at the two boxes. _

 

Sh: “Hm? You feeling extra hungry today?”

 

Y: “U-uh no. One is t-this is for you. To show my appreciation for the day you shared your lunch with me.”

 

_ I meekly hand him the box I made for him. He looks down at it and then back up at me. Shin slowly opens the box allowing its contents to be put on display. _

 

Y: “I-I hope you like it…”

 

_ Shin slowly picks up a portion of the rice and some of the fish and takes a bite. The moment of truth. Please like it… _

 

_ Shin swallows and I notice his eyes suddenly go wide. _

 

Sh: “Yuri. This is...this is…”

 

_ Oh dear, he doesn’t like it. I knew I should’ve thought of something different to bring. I--- _

 

Sh: “This is amazing!”

 

_ I proceed to watch Shin voraciously consume the entirety of the contents in the box with a rather...unnerving speed. Maybe he skipped breakfast this morning? That might explain what I just witnessed. I slowly begin to eat my food while he finishes his. He sets down his box with a hearty sigh. It would seem he really did enjoy my food! _

 

Sh: “That was the best lunch I think I’ve ever had. And you made that yourself?”

 

Y: “Yes. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

 

Sh: “I did. Thank you. You didn’t have to though.”

 

_ I look over at Shin who has a grain of rice that seems to have escaped him hanging onto the corner of his mouth. I reach over and carefully brush it away. He gives me a somewhat embarrassed look. _

 

Sh: “Oh...thanks.”

 

_ I continue to eat while we talk. Our conversations over the past few weeks have slowly gone from general small talk to being slightly more...personal which I have been very happy about. When he asks me about how my reading has been going or how my day has been, I really do feel he genuinely wants to know. I really have never been good at small talk. I feel for the first time in...ever actually, that I have someone I can simply talk to and not feel as if they are silently judging me. This both excites and terrifies me. _

 

_ Soon, we hear the bell chime signaling it’s time for us to start heading back to our classes. _

 

Sh: “Ahhh. We were just getting to the good part. Oh well, maybe tomorrow...”

 

_ I silently laugh to myself. He really seems to be becoming invested in the story. Shin stands up and extends his hand to me helping me to my feet. The two of us walk back into the halls of the school; each of going our separate ways. _

* * *

**_Later that day the literature club_ **

 

_ I decide to catch up some light reading before the club meeting starts. So far both Natsuki and Monika have arrived but there is no sign of Sayori or MC. I wonder where they’ve gone? I haven’t seen them at all today. _

 

_ I hear footsteps echoing down the hall and then the door to club room slide open. _

 

N: "Hey Sayo...MC! What the hell happened to you!?"

 

_ Natsuki's outburst grabs my attention as well as Monika’s. I notice immediately that that MC has a black eye and several bandages on his face and hands. What on earth happened to him?! _

 

MC: "Uh...hi everyone. Sorry we're late."

 

_ Natsuki walks up to him, looking at me with a mix of confusion and fear. _

 

N: "W-what...what happened? Are you ok? You look like you got into a fight."

 

MC: "Hehe, funny you should say that..."

 

Y: "Wait, you were in a fight? If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

 

M: "Yeah MC. Those bruises look awfully painful."

 

_ MC looks back at Sayori who silently nods to him. _

 

MC: "On our way home yesterday, we ran into some guys. They wanted us to pay a "toll" for us to go home."

 

N: "A toll? Seriously?"

 

MC: "Mhm. When I refused to pay it, they went after me and Sayori. We managed to get away but we ran into a dead end and got cornered. I tried to fight them off but as you can see, it didn't work out that well. Thankfully, Shin showed up and managed to fight off the guys."

 

_ Wait, Shin? Is that how he received the mark under his eye that I saw earlier then? _

 

M: "Wait...Shin? Isn't he the friend of yours that came by the day of the festival?"

 

MC: "Mhm. He saved Sayori and me."

 

Y: "Are you ok Sayori? The entire ordeal sounds absolutely terrifying."

 

MC: "Yes, I'm ok. MC protected me."

 

M: "I'm just glad both of you are ok."

* * *

_ We begin to share our books with each other when we all hear the sound of the club door opening again. As I turn to see who it is, I see Shin standing in the doorway holding what looks to be a backpack. Wait...I recognize that backpack. Is that Sayori’s? _

 

Sh: "Uh...hi. Sorry for interrupting. Sayori I found this out back. Is this yours?"

 

S: Yes! I totally forgot about it yesterday. Thank you so much Shin!"

 

_ Sayori goes up and hugs Shin. It would seem she must have lost it yesterday during the altercation. I can’t necessarily say I blame her. Retrieving something like after what her and MC went through would have been far and away from anything I would have considered a priority at the time. _

 

Sh: "Ah, don't mention it. I found a few things scattered near it so I just put what looked important back in it."

 

_ Monika walks over and sits on one of the desks near Shin. _

 

M: "So did you reconsider joining our club?"

 

Sh: "As much as I'd love to join a club full of incredibly cute girls, I must sadly decline. The kendo club takes a lot of my free time. I'm sure you understand."

 

_ Natsuki mumble something under her breath. _

 

N: "So the only reason you came by was to eat our cupcakes..."

 

_ Apparently so did Shin. _

 

Sh: "MC, who let this sassy child into your clubroom?"

 

_ Natsuki’s face turns a profound and deep crimson. She slams her foot into the ground, her fists curled into two fists. T-this can’t possibly end well. _

 

N: "Child? Listen here monkey brow! I am not a child!"

 

Sh: "What did you say half-pint!?"

 

N: "That's full pint to you!"

 

_ Sayori steps between Shin and Natsuki. Sayori’s always been capable of defusing tense situations like this before. _

 

S: "Please! No fighting you two!"

 

Sh: " _ grunt _ Fine. I gotta be going anyways. I'll catch you later MC."

 

_ With one final wave, Shin leaves. Before he is completely out of view, I see him smile back at me. I feel a fluttering in my chest. I can feel my face beginning to redden. I look over at Natsuki who is glaring at MC. _

 

MC: "What's that look for?"

 

N: "Mmmm...your friend's a jerk."

 

MC: "He's not too bad. A bit rough around the edges but not too bad."

 

N: "He called me a child!"

 

Y: "You did call him...what was it again? Monkey brow?"

 

N: "Yuri! Who's side are you on? Bah!"

 

_ Natsuki throws her hands in the air in frustration and goes to her desks and sits with her manga. I can’t help but try and stifle a slightly bemused laugh. There really is seldom a dull day in the literature club. _

* * *

**_End of the day_ **

 

_ Shin and I walk home per our usual routine. Given what MC said before his arrival earlier, I feel somewhat compelled to ask him, what exactly happened yesterday. I hope he doesn’t mind. _

 

Y: “S-Shin?”

 

Sh: “Hm? Yes Yuri?”

 

Y: “MC told us what happened yesterday. The reason he looked so badly injured. Is that how you got the mark under your eye?”

 

_ Shin takes a deep breath before answering. _

 

Sh: “Yeah. By the time I found those two, MC was already pretty beaten up. I couldn’t just stand idly by and let them hurt my friends like that so I taught them a lesson.”

 

_ The conviction I hear in his voice makes me realize just how much he cares about the two of them. _

 

Y: “You’re a good person Shin.”

 

Sh: “Nah, it’s not that. Sayori’s like a little sister to me. MC’s also one of my closest friends. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t help them. But thank you though. You’re one of the few people who seems to think so.”

 

Y: “What do you mean?”

 

_ I can hear the tone of Shin’s voice drop slightly. _

 

Sh: “Most people assume that because I have a bit of a history of getting into fights and getting into trouble, that that’s all that I am. Trouble. Most people I think are a little scared of me honestly.”

 

_ I would have never thought Shin would have been harboring feelings like this. He seems so confident every time I see him. To see him like this though, I don’t know what to say. _

 

Y: “I-I’m not scared of you though.”

 

_ Shin turns and smiles at me. I feel my heart flutter again. _

 

Sh: “That actually makes me really happy to know.”

* * *

_ Soon we arrive at my house, our walk home drawing to an end. We exchange our normal goodbye pleasantries but as I am about to open the door, Shin calls out for me. As I turn around, his face is flushed and he’s nervously spinning one of the buttons on his blazer. _

 

Sh: “Hey Yuri, you...uh mind if I ask you something?”

 

Y: “No. Go ahead.”

 

_ There’s a few moments of silence as it looks like he’s trying to collect his thoughts. _

 

Sh: “Tomorrow...would you...would you...like to...go get something to eat?”

 

_ Wait...did he just ask me...out on a…. _

 

_ Immediately, I feel my body tense and my face begin to burn like fire. Is he really asking me out on a date? My heart is racing like a runaway mustang. I feel lightheaded possibly due to myself hyperventilating. _

 

Y: “T-tomorrow? I...I…”

 

_ I look at Shin who looks a bit downcast at my hesitancy to answer his question. _

 

Sh: “If you have plans or are busy, I understand…”

 

_ I take a deep breath to steady my erratic heartbeat. It’s simply going out...with a friend...right? There’s no need for me to make a mountain out of a molehill. _

 

Y: “I...I’d love t-to.”

 

_ I manage a nervous smile. Shin’s eyes light up at my response, a very clear and barely containable smile flashes across his face. _

 

Sh: “Alright! Let me give you my cell number and I’ll text you when I’m coming by to get you.”

 

_ We exchange contact information and Shin departs. I slowly make my way into my house. I didn’t feel tired prior to arriving at the house but now? Now I feel as if I just ran a marathon. My heart is still racing even though my labored breathing has subsided a bit. A warm glowing feeling radiates from my chest. I...I’m going on a date… _

 

_ Wait...oh dear...I’m going on a date. What do I do now?! _


	14. Chapter 14

**_The next day_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ I look through my wardrobe trying to figure out what would be suitable attire for something like today. I can’t imagine we would be going anywhere overly formal. As my eyes scan through the items in my closet I finally find something I believe would appropriate, a navy blue sweater and a pair of matching blue jeans. Thankfully the weather is on the cooler side today. _

 

_ Shin texted me this morning telling me he would be here around 2PM to pick me up. I look at the clock and realize it’s almost noon. I can feel the knot in my stomach growing increasingly more and more intense. Sigh. I need to breathe and relax. It’s just Shin. I’ve talked to him before and he’s my friend. I have no reason to be worried being around him...right? Maybe some reading or writing will help soothe my mind. _

 

_ While reading one of the more enthralling chapters of one my books, I almost don’t hear the gentle knocking on my door. I look up at the clock and realize it’s five minutes to two. That must be Shin at the door. I walk to the door, pausing to take a deep breath to compose myself. It’s alright Yuri. Just breathe. I open the door to see Shin. He’s wearing a yellow hoodie with black accent marks and a pair of black jeans. He smiles at me. _

 

Sh: “Hey Yuri. You ready to go?”

 

Y: “Y-yes. I’m ready but where are we going?”

 

Sh: “Hehe, come on. I’ll show you. Hope you’re hungry.”

* * *

_ After some walking we arrive at our destination. It looks to be a quaint little diner. I’ve seen this place before but I’ve never been inside. Shin opens the door for me as him and I walk in. One of the waitresses notices the two of us and smiles as she approaches. _

 

W: “Hi there sweetheart. Oh, who’s your friend?”

 

Sh: “Yuri this is Aika. Aika this is Yuri.”

 

A: “Ah, so you’re the famous Yuri Shin talks about.”

 

_ Wait, Shin talks about me? I look at Shin whose face is now a profound crimson. _

 

Sh: “Aika!”

 

A: “Hehe~. It’s nice to meet you finally Yuri.”

 

Y: “Thank y-you.”

 

_ Aika seats us at one of the booths near the window. She pulls a small pen and notepad from her apron, ready to take our orders. _

 

A: “So what can I get you two to drink?”

 

Sh: “Water’s fine.”

 

Y: “Do you all serve tea here?”

 

A: “Oolong or green tea?”

 

Y: “Oolong please.”

 

A: “Alright, I’ll be right back. You two hold tight.”

 

_ Aika hums to herself as she walks away. Shin and I begin to glance through the menus to decide what we should order. There’s so many options to choose from, which do I choose? I look up from my menu to see Shin looking at me with a somewhat puzzled look on his face. My face must be communicating my indecisiveness rather clearly. _

 

Y: “I...uuuu...don’t know what to order. There’s so many options.”

 

_ Aika returns with our drinks much sooner than I expected her to. _

 

A: “Here you two go. So what can I get for you two? I’m guessing the usual for you Shin?”

 

Sh: “Yep.”

 

A: “Alright. And for you ma’am?”

 

_ I scan the pages in vain for something to choose from. I’ve never been good at deciding what to eat at new places. _

 

Y: “Uuuu....I’m sorry. There’s just so many choices.”

 

A: “Hehe it’s ok. Might I recommend the miso fried shrimp sandwich? Most of my regulars seem to enjoy it.”

 

Y: “That sounds good. Thank you.”

 

A: “Alright then! I’ll be back in a giffy. You two hang tight.”

 

_ I carefully reach down and take a sip of the tea I ordered. The taste is phenomenal. I would have never assumed that such a place like this had tea this delectable. _

 

Sh: “You like the tea? They make it fresh here everyday.”

 

Y: “I do. I never knew this place was here.”

 

Sh: “Yeah. It’s one of my favorite places around here.”

 

_ Shin and I engage in casual small talk until Aika returns with our food. The aroma emanating from the food is heavenly. _

 

A: “Enjoy you two~.”

 

Sh: “Thank you Aika.”

 

Y: “Y-Yes, thank you.”

 

_ Shin wastes little time beginning to eat his food. I timidly pick up one of the sandwiches on my plate and take a small bite. The taste is as amazing as the aroma. The way the flavors all compliment each other, the harmonious blending of the ingredients, this is truly the work of a master chef. Shin and I continue to eat in relative silence, choosing instead to simply enjoy our food. I must come back here again later. Maybe the others would like to come here one day? _

 

_ Shin and I finish our food and soon after Aika returns to our table. _

 

A: “Hope everything was to your liking Ms. Yuri.”

 

Y: “Oh yes. It was amazing thank you.”

 

A: “Good. I hope Shin will bring you around here more often.”

 

_ I glance over at Shin who is seems a tad embarrassed at her teasing. I silently laugh to myself. Shin pays for our food and we begin to head to the door. Aika cheerfully waves to us as we leave. _

 

A: “Have a good day you two~.”

* * *

_ Our next stop is one of the local movie theaters. Shin bought tickets for him and I to see a movie called A Quiet Place. I had never heard of this movie prior to him telling me we were going to see it, which seemed to surprise him. Since I don’t really watch too much in the way of television, many of these kinds of things go unnoticed by me. He said it was supposed to be a very good movie. I know it must sound very cliche for our date to consist of a movie and food but honestly, this has been one of the most relaxing weekends I’ve had in a very long time. _

 

**_Two hours later_ **

 

_ We walk out of the theater along with the crowd of other moviegoers. I asked Shin if the story was an adaptation of a book and he told me not that he was aware of. I was hoping that it was because I would have loved to have added it to my collection. The way the director built up the tangible levels of dread and helplessness with next to zero spoken words, the heartfelt and genuine reactions of the family involved between each other, and the ending! The ending really delivered due to the actions and choices of the cast leading up to Act 3. It’s a rare occurrence for me when I find a movie that so thoroughly draws me in like this one did. Usually it’s the world of fantasy and the macabre in written form that hold such sway over me but this? This was a pleasant and unexpected surprise.  I especially liked the part where...oh...s-sorry. There I go rambling again. I sometimes get a little carried away when a story really resonates with me. I’d recommend going to go see it yourself if you get the chance. _

 

Y: “I really do hope that they adapt that movie into written form one day. I’d love to add it to my collection.”

 

Sh: “Glad to see you enjoyed it.”

 

_ As we walk away from the theater I notice a group of four guys leering at Shin and I. Shin seems to notice them and tells me to stay close to him. As we approach them, their eyes all seem fixated on me. The way they are staring at me is akin to the way a predator looks when stalking their prey. I can feel my heart racing the closer as we pass by them. Just keep your eyes forward Yuri. Don’t look at them and give them a reason to say anything. As we pass the final one of them, I feel a sense of relief wash o--- _

 

**_SMACK_ **

 

_ I feel a sharp, intense pain on my backside. I quickly spin around to see one of the four smiling at me. I realize very quickly what he did. His eyes seem to be undressing me. I feel violated not only with the way he is looking at me but also the fact that he touched me. _

 

Degenerate: “Ya got a nice ass there. How about yi---”

 

_ Before the boy can say the rest of his sentence there’s a sickening thudding noise. The one who touched me is knocked back into the other three. A thin trail of blood can be seen coming from the corner of his mouth and nose. I slowly turn to my right. Shin has the most frightening look in his eyes that I think I’ve ever seen a person have. The other three look terrified as well. The only one who doesn’t seem phased by Shin’s countenance is the person with the bloody nose. _

 

Degenerate: “Whatta ya three idiots waiting for? GET HIM!”

 

_ The three remaining all look at each other, unsure which one of them wants to be the first to make a move. I step behind Shin so as to not get in his way. The bloodied man, grabs one of his guys by the shoulder and shoves him forward into Shin. The man stumbles forward and straight into another one of Shin’s punches. There’s another chilling crunching noise. The man falls flat to the ground, his face bloodied as well. The faces of the two remaining men are that of sheer terror. The two of them pick up the man on the ground and begin to flee. The first one shouts at them to return but they continue to run. As he turns back to Shin, Shin is now standing in front of him. _

 

Degenerate: “Tsk. Ya think I’m scurred of y---”

 

_ Shin grabs him up by the collar of his shirt, a cold expressionless look is frozen on his face. The man attempts to struggle but the more he struggles, the tighter Shin’s grip becomes. _

 

Sh: “If I ever see you anywhere near her again, you’re a dead man. Understand?”

 

_ The defiant confidence in the man’s eyes disappears like dust in the wind. Shin drops the man, who looks up at me, his eyes burning with an indignant anger but then he notices Shin’s gaze. Upon realizing this he runs away just like the other three. Shin continues to eye the man until he’s out of view. He slowly turns to me, the fire in his eyes seemingly quenched. _

 

Sh: “Are you ok?”

 

_ The difference in his eyes from just a minute ago is jarring to say the least. It’s almost like he’s a different person. _

 

Y: “Y-Yes. I am.”

 

_ Shin smiles at me. His face taking on a much softer tone than a moment ago. _

 

Sh: “Let’s get you home.”

* * *

_ It’s about another fifteen minutes before we arrive back at my house. Shin and I soon are standing at my front door. However, his eyes go from looking at me to the ground. _

 

Y: “Is there something wrong?”

 

_ Shin rubs the back of his neck and lets out a deep sigh. _

 

Sh: “I...I’m sorry if I scared you back there. I sort of...lost my temper.”

 

Y: “N-no it’s ok. I’m glad you were there.”

 

_ Hearing my words, Shin lets out a faint smile. I really was glad he was there. If I had run into a group like that on own, I don’t know what I would have done. Yes, his actions scared me but he did what he did to protect me. _

 

Sh: “I hope you had fun at least.”

 

Y: “I did. Maybe we could go back to that diner again and visit Aika.”

 

Sh: “I’m sure she’d liked that. Well, I’ll text you when I get home. Have a good evening Yuri.”

 

Y: “You too Shin.”

 

_ What happens next, occurs so quickly, I scarcely have a chance to react to it. I feel something soft on my cheek. As my mind finally reacts to it, I realize Shin’s lips are on my cheek. He kisses my cheek and lets out a smile as he walks away. I step inside my house and lean against the door. I can feel my heart racing as a warm, fuzzy feeling envelops my entire person. I can feel my cheeks beginning to turn red but this time not out of embarrassment but out of a different emotion. Is this...happiness? An uncontrollable smile forms on my face and no matter how much I try to subdue it, it will not release it’s hold. _

 

_ I walk upstairs to my room and lie on my bed. He likes me...someone actually likes me. I let out a silent squeal of delight. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I clasp my hands over my heart, the warm feeling still emanating. Today...today has been a very good day indeed. _


	15. Chapter 15

**_The following Monday_ **

 

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

I am up to greet the sun just like every other Monday but today feels...different. Maybe it’s because of this past weekend but everything just seems brighter today. As I run, I don’t even feel tired. In fact, I feel like I don’t weigh anything at all. 

 

As I sprint past the park, the images of the weekend flash through my mind. She looked so much more relaxed and happy Saturday. It was almost like she was a different person then than when she’s at school. I feel a burst of energy as I remember her smile. Heh, look at me...I haven’t felt like this in a while. The last time I felt like this was...no. I’m not gonna think about that. No sense in bringing back those memories.

 

Arriving back at the house, I notice jiji is up already and drinking her morning tea. She looks up from her tea with a somewhat surprised look on her face.

 

G: “Oh you’re back already? My my, I heard you leave out but I wasn’t expecting you to be back so quickly. Were you trying to set a new personal best today?”

 

Sh: “Hehe no. I’m still a minute or two off from doing that. Today was just a good run for me.”

 

I walk over and hug her. I head over to the sink to get a drink of water.

 

G: “You’ve been in a much better mood ever since you came home Saturday. It wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that Yuri girl now would it?”

 

I cough on my water. Wait, how does she know about Yuri? I’ve never mentioned her to grandma before.

 

Sh: “What makes you think the reason for my good mood is because of a girl? Maybe I’m just in a good mood is all.”

 

There’s a somewhat teasing smile on her face as she looks at me.

 

G: “Oh stop it now Shin. I’ve been alive far too long to not see things like this. Also, I know her name is Yuri because when you got home Saturday, you called her and you weren’t exactly quiet with your conversation.”

 

Sh: “You were eavesdropping on my conversation!? Grandma!”

 

G: “Hohoho, come now Shin.”

 

My grandmother stares intently at her cup of tea. The teasing look on her face slowly gives way to a much kinder smile.

 

G: “It’s good to see you found someone who makes you smile like that. I haven’t seen that smile in a very long time. I know your mother would be happy for both you and Yuri.”

 

Hearing her words is bittersweet. She is right though, I haven’t been happy like this in a really long time. I’m sure if mom were here she’d love Yuri. Just the thought of that both warms my heart and hurts at the same time.

 

G: “You’ll need to invite young Yuri over one day for tea so I can meet her. Now dear, go. Don’t want you being late for school now.”

 

I smile to my grandmother before heading upstairs to get ready. After a much needed shower, I get dressed and head back downstairs to grab my lunch. After retrieving it from the refrigerator, I give jiji one final hug before heading out.

 

G: “Have a good day dear.”

 

Sh: “You too grandma.”

 

I shut the door and begin the walk to school.

* * *

**_Lunchtime_ **

 

Yuri and I decided to have lunch under the cypress tree we sat under last week. As we sit and eat, Yuri pulls out a notebook from her bag.

 

Sh: “Huh? What’s that?”

 

Y: “Oh, this is my journal where I keep all my poems and story ideas.”

 

Sh: “Story ideas? I thought you only wrote poems.”

 

Yuri nervously slides her hair clip up and down.

 

Y: “W-well I do dabble in trying to write my own stories. I’m not very good at it though.”

 

Sh: “Mind if I read some of them?”

 

Y: “I didn’t think you were interested in poetry.”

 

Sh: “Normally I’m not. But if it’s your poetry, I’m sure I can give it a chance. I mean you did get me into reading more after all.”

 

Yuri blushes as she sheepishly hands me her notebook. I begin to look through the pages of poems she has written and there’s a lot of poems in here. I find one called “Ghost under the light.”

 

Sh: “What’s this one about?”

 

Y: “Oh this one. This was one of the first poems I wrote while in the literature club. It’s a poem about resignation in the face of something that is felt to be unavoidable. Some would call it fate. The glow of the streetlights is meant to evoke the feelings of passion, the fire that burns in one’s soul. This passion is slowly replaced by the harsh, cold, sterile lights of the future. This is the last bastion of hope and solace that she feels before being consumed by the spiritless future she sees on the horizon. She witnesses the cruelty of fate as all she clings to the in the past flickers away in the light of things to come.”

 

I sit there in stunned silence for a few seconds. She managed to cram all of that into that short of a poem? As she looks up at me, I think she realizes that most of that was nowhere near on my radar of what I thought that poem was about.

 

Y: “Uuuuu...I’m sorry. I got a bit c-carried away for a moment there. I’m sorry.”

 

Sh: “No, no, no. It’s alright. I just am new to this whole poetry thing. I just assumed it was about ghost.”

 

Y: “MC thought the same thing when he read it.”

 

Sh: “You’ve shared your poem with MC before?”

 

Y: “Mhm. I had to share some of my poems with everyone in the literature club. Sometimes I feel my style of writing is a bit...much for most people.”

* * *

I continue to flip through the pages until I find another one. Hmmm, at the top of the page is the title “The Raccoon”.

 

Sh: “What’s this one about?”

 

Yuri’s demeanor changes when I point out this one. She nervously begins to twist one of the buttons on her blazer. Her face is hidden by her hair.

 

Sh: “Uh...you ok Yuri? Is something wrong?”

 

Yuri slowly looks up at me, half her face still covered by her hair.

 

Y: “W-will you promise not to tell anyone?”

 

She looks terrified. It’s just a poem about a raccoon right? What could be so bad about that?

 

Sh: “I promise. So what’s the deal with this one? You look terrified at it.”

 

I expect Yuri to go into another monologue like the last poem but she nervously glances around as if to make sure we’re alone and slowly rolls up her right sleeve. On her arm are several scars. Some long, some short. Some faded and some that look relatively new. I can see her shoulders beginning to tremble slightly.

 

Sh: “Yuri…”

 

I sometimes forget that she does this. That she hurts herself. For the most part, when I look at her I don’t see that aspect of her. When I see her, I just see Yuri. I see the girl who I read with and spends time with me. I see my friend. I see someone I care about. I can see tiny droplets falling onto her skirt as she rolls back down her sleeve. I place my hand on top of hers. She looks up at me, tears clinging to the corners of her eyes.

 

Sh: “So the poem is about that?”

 

She silently nods.

 

Y: “I...I don’t...I don’t know why I can’t stop it.”

 

Sh: “Why do you do it? Doesn’t it hurt?”

 

Y: “It does. The physical pain I endure helps me to endure the other pains I’m not strong enough to face. I-It grants me a release when I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions. But n-now, I-I’ve gotten so used to doing it, that I feel c-compelled to continue doing i-it.”

 

Yuri takes her sleeve and wipes away the tears from her eyes.

 

Y: “You must see me as such a freak now.”

 

Sh: “Yuri. You do know that I knew that you did this when I first ran into you right? If I chose to want to be around you even after seeing that as my first introduction to you, don’t you think I’ve chosen to see you as more than just that one aspect of your life? You’re so much more Yuri than your scars.”

 

I gently squeeze her hand as if to assure her that she doesn’t need to be scared that her scars will scare me away. I’ve dealt with a lot worse than scars and blood before.

 

Y: “I...I t-try to resist the urges but some days...some days are just far too difficult for me to bear…”

 

I know I can’t possibly follow her around all the time and keep an eye on her 24/7 but the least I can do is to make her feel that she’s not in this all by herself.

 

Sh: “I know. Just remember, I’m here if you need me. Promise.”

 

Yuri stares at me for a moment before a faint smile forms on her face. We soon hear the bell tolling the end of lunch period. I help Yuri to her feet as we start to make our way back inside.

* * *

**_End of the day_ **

 

I meet Yuri outside of the school like normal. As I see her coming out the front of the school, I see MC and Sayori are both with her.

 

S: “Hey Shin! I didn’t see you this morning. Where were you?”

 

Sh: “ _ I _ was standing outside of MC’s house like normal. Where were you two? I waited like 15 minutes outside for the both of you. Did you two keep each other up late last night or something?”

 

S: “Well...uh...we kind of...overslept…”

 

Sh: “Well that expla---wait...what do you mean we “overslept”?

 

I look over at MC who is bright red and Sayori who is doing her little “tiny house” finger pose.

 

MC: “It’s not what you think! We really did oversleep!”

 

Sh: “Suuuuure you two, sure.”

 

Yuri silently giggles to herself. I can feel Yuri gently grab onto my hand. However, this act doesn’t go unnoticed by Sayori.

 

S: “Wait, you two are holding hands now? You sure you two aren’t dating?”

 

Yuri and I both look at each other, both of faces blushing. I’m sure I’m redder than she is. The look on Sayori’s face is the look I’d imagine she’d have if you told her she’d just won the lottery.

 

S: “Wait...are...are you two...are you two officially together?”

 

All I can bring myself to do is to nervously smile.

 

Sh: “Uh...yeah. It sorta only happened recently. I would have told y---”

 

Before I can finish, Sayori lets out a high pitch squeal. She looks happier about this news than either me or Yuri. She hugs both of us.

 

S: “Oh my God, I’m so happy for you two! I knew you two would make a cute couple and I was right! This is so cool!”

 

Y: “T-Thank you Sayori.”

 

Sayori turns to MC with a smug look on her face. MC is giving her a bit of a frustrated side eye look.

 

S: “Looks like I won our little bet. Time to pay up MC.”

 

Bet? What in the actual...

 

Sh: “Bet...wait, wait. What bet?”

 

MC lets out a defeated sigh.

 

MC: “Sayori bet me that you would ask Yuri out in a month.”

 

S: “I knew I could count on you Shin~”

 

Sh: “Timeout and freeze. First off, what the hell? And second, what did you even win?”

 

S: “Hehe. MC has to watch all the movies that I pick for a week.”

 

MC: “All her choices are chick flicks though! Shin you gotta save me!”

 

First he places a bet on me and now he wants me to bail him out? Oh no. He can drown in the seas of the chick-flicks and romcoms for all I care.

 

Sh: “Sorry MC. No can do there. A deal is a deal after all. Oh and the next time I find you in Overwatch, you’re mine.”

 

Sayori grabs a hold of MC and begins to drag him away. I can hear his pleas for me to have mercy on him as Sayori tells him to stop being such a baby and how they’re going to have so much fun this week. I sigh to myself. I swear at times those two are gonna be the reason I get gray hair.

 

I feel Yuri grab onto my arm.

 

Y: “I’m ready when you are.”

 

Sh: “Alright, let’s go.”

 

Yuri and I start our first walk home as an official couple now. Wow that’s something I didn’t think I’d end up saying but just the thought of it makes me happy.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Two weeks later_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Huff _

 

_ Huff _

 

_ Huff _

 

_ It’s such a lovely weekend. Shin invited me out to run with him today. I personally enjoy running. It’s one of my few pastimes that allots me the chance to clear my head in a more beneficial way than my more...negative ones. Shin and I began by running from my house, to the school, and ending at one of the nearby parks. Even though the distance was no more than two miles, I can feel the tension and burning in my legs very clearly. Shin, on the other hand, doesn’t even look the slightest bit winded. We decide to rest by one of the park benches while I catch my breath. _

 

Sh: “Not bad for our first run. I don’t know of many people, outside some of the guys at the gym, that enjoy running for fun.”

 

Y: “I do but sadly I haven’t been consistent with my running schedule as much as I would like to be.”

 

Sh: “No worries. Whenever you feel like running just let me know.”

 

_ We sit on the park bench, my head resting on Shin’s shoulder as we enjoy the pleasant afternoon air. The park is full of people today. As we sit, I notice a family playing in the distance, a couple walking hand-in-hand near the fountain, and several people walking their dogs. It is a very serene scene. Sometimes I would come here not only to read but also to watch the people who would pass through. There’s something about being able to discreetly observe others and how they interact with the world that I find fascinating. You really can get a sense of what a person is really like when you observe their actions from afar. Uuuuu...ummm...that sounded far less creepy in my head...please forget I said anything. _

 

_ The stillness of the moment is halted by a shrill cry nearby. As I turn to my left, I see a young mother and her infant making their way toward us. The poor woman looks absolutely flustered and self-conscious at all the eyes that are now gazing upon her. I can hear her attempting to console her child but to no avail. The young mother passes by Shin and I, apologizing profusely feeling she had disturbed us. _

 

Mother: “I am so sorry.”

 

_ I can see the tears of frustration and embarrassment beginning to crease the corners of her eyes. I give her a warm smile as I stand up. _

 

Y: “May I?”

 

_ I hold out my hands. The young mother looks at me hesitantly but a shrill cry from her infant brings her out of her own mind. She gently hands me her baby as I cradle the tiny human. I close my eyes and gently begin to rock them. _

 

_ The baby’s cries continue. I wonder what might be vexing this child so. I begin to softly sing a ([song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4Kph6UKQJM)) that I remember as a child. The child’s shrill cries trumpet over my voice but I continue. The child’s laments are soon reduced to mere whimpers. I gently shift the weight between my feet back and forth as if trying to imitate the gentle motions of the river I am recounting. Eventually I feel the child grow still, the scrunched and miserable expression on their face having subsided to that of a more peaceful one. I continue humming the remaining lines of the song until I am certain that the child is fast asleep. _

 

_ I look over at the child’s mother who seems a bit stunned. I quietly hand her back her child. A tearful smile forms on her face as she mouths “Thank you” to me before departing with her child. When I turn back to the bench to sit down, I notice Shin looking at my strangely. _

 

Y: “Hm? Is there something on my face?”

 

Sh: “H-How did you do that? Do you have some special baby pacifying powers or something?”

 

Y: “Oh no. My mother would do that for me when I was younger when I was inconsolable. Sometimes it work and others it did not. I figured it would be worth trying to help her.”

 

Sh: “But why? You didn’t even know her?”

 

Y: “I...I don’t know. I just felt compelled to help her. Does that make any sense?”

 

_ Shin kisses me on the top of my head. _

 

Sh: “You’re a good person Yuri. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you sing before too. You have a beautiful voice.”

 

_ I feel myself blushing. I would sing with my family but outside of my mother and father, I don’t believe I’ve ever sang in front of anyone else before. To me, my voice is nothing in comparison to my mother but it does make my heart joyful to hear that Shin enjoyed hearing it. _

* * *

_ We soon arrive back at my house. _

 

Sh: “Hey Yuri, mind if I ask you something?”

 

Y: “What is it?”

 

Sh: “Well my grandmother was wondering if you’d like to come over this evening for tea. She said she wanted to meet you.”

 

_ His grandmother wants to meet me? _

 

Y: “O-oh...alright.”

 

Sh: “Great! I’ll see you then.”

 

_ Shin kisses me on the cheek before departing. His grandmother wants to meet me? I can’t help but feel a touch of anxiety. This is the first time I will be meeting Shin’s family. He doesn’t really talk about his parents, if at all and has only mentioned his grandmother in passing. I wonder what she is like. I guess I’ll find out later this evening. _

 

_ I walk inside and into my room. I lock the door behind me, casting my workout clothes into the nearby hamper. If Shin’s grandmother has invited me over, the last thing I should be doing is visiting her house smelling like this. I turn on the water and draw myself a bath. It feels a bit odd for me to be having a bath in the middle of the afternoon but the warm embrace of the water feels amazing on my sore muscles. _

 

_ After some time has passed, I can feel the water beginning to cool, signalling me my time lounging has come to an end. I grab the two towels that hang from the wall in my bathroom. The first towel I use to wrap myself in, and the other to wrap my hair. I sit on my bed as I allow my hair an opportunity to dry. I reach for my brush that is resting on my nightstand. As I reach, I notice my arm. My eyes slowly begin to examine the marks that dot them. Some of them have all but faded. I look to the other arm and notice something very different. My arm is still a testament to my fears and insecurities. To my own inability to handle my own emotional state. I would have loved to have believed that after having Shin in my life that this would have become an easier burden to bear. _

 

_ The one bit of solace that I can take away from all of this is that Shin is someone I can talk about what I’m feeling and I genuinely know he cares. He’s like the lighthouse that keeps my soul from crashing into the rocky crags of my own mind. Before him, I felt like I was all alone in my own struggles. I had grown so used to keeping everyone away for fear of what they might say or think of me. Even when interacting with the other members of the literature club, people I have learned to call my friends, I made sure that they would never find out about...this. I feared if they found out they’d abandon me. To be forgotten, to be left alone, to be unwanted...all of those are fears that have fed into this self-fulfilling prophecy that I have found myself trapped in. Maybe one day I can bring myself to be vulnerable around them. To have them know my struggles and trials. Maybe one day… _

* * *

**_Later that evening_ **

 

_ I find myself at the address that Shin told me. I certainly hope this is the correct place. I knock on the door. Silence. Maybe I didn’t knock loud enough? I go to knock once more but the door slowly opens. The door opens revealing a short, elderly woman with shoulder length silver hair. She warmly smiles at me. _

 

G: “Ah, you must be Yuri. Come in child, come in.”

 

_ I walk inside. The first thing I immediately notice is the smell that wafts through the air. It smells delicious, whatever it is. A few moments pass before I see Shin walk around the corner with a kitchen knife in hand. _

 

Sh: “Oh hey Yuri. Dinner should be ready in a few minutes.”

 

_ He smiles at me before disappearing back into the kitchen. Shin’s grandmother guides me to the dining room. In the dining room is a simple circular table adorned with a plain, white lace topper. The table has been set for three people. _

 

G: “Would you like some tea dear?”

 

Y: “Oh...y-yes. Please.”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother makes her way into the kitchen as Shin walks out and begins to place food on the table. _

 

Y: “D-Do you need help? I can assist you if you need me to.”

 

Sh: “You’re our guest. Just sit and relax.”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother soon returns with two cups of tea. She gently places mine in front of me and takes her seat on the other side of the table. _

 

G: “I hope you fancy green tea my dear.”

 

_ I place the teacup to my lips. The tea is slightly bitterer than I am used to but the subtle sweet aftertaste more than makes up for it. Shin arrives with the final piece of our dinner for the evening, taking a seat next to me. _

 

Sh: “Dinner is served. Hope you like it.”

* * *

_ I take the final bite of the rice that I had. The dinner conversation was just as enjoyable as the food. I found out quite a bit about Shin’s grandmother. She was an elementary school teacher in her younger days. She taught history and world literature for most of her teaching career. She met a young man one day while she was substituting at one of the local schools around where she lived. That man, I found out, was Shin’s grandfather. She said she knew from the moment she met him that he would be the man she would marry. Apparently Shin’s grandfather felt the same way and they were married for a few months later. _

 

_ To me that would seem a bit rushed but then again, who am I to judge the nuances of another person’s relationship? Shin’s the only actual relationship I’ve ever had in my life. She went over to one of the nearby tables and showed me a photograph of her and her husband. The way her eyes gazed upon the timeworn picture, you could almost sense the nostalgia and fondness she felt for him. His grandmother’s eyes took on an air of sadness as she recounted the latter half of her time being married to Shin’s grandfather. I found out through her stories, that Shin’s grandfather had died about a decade before, around the same time that Shin came to live with her. _

 

_ After clearing the table and the dishes, I prepare to head home. _

 

Y: “Thank you for the meal ma’am. It was wonderful.”

 

G: “Oh come now, you can call me Jiji. When you call me ma’am it makes me feel old.”

 

Sh: “You are old though…”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother grabs Shin by the ear, pulling him down to her level. His yelps of protest cause me to laugh. Their relationship is...unique to say the least. _

 

G: “What was that my dear Shin?”

 

Sh: “Aaaaaaah! It was nothing! It was nothing!”

 

_ She lets go of Shin’s ear, a triumphant smile on her face. _

 

Sh: “Well jiji, I’m gonna walk Yuri home. I’ll be back in a bit.”

 

_ Shin opens the door allowing the coolness of twilight to rush into the house. _

 

G: “Remember, you are always welcome to stop by for tea dear.”

 

Y: “I will. Thank you.”

 

_ I look up at the sky and can see the crescent moon in the sky as Shin and I begin our walk. _

* * *

_ The coolness of the night is refreshing after the rather warm day we had today. The streets are quiet this evening. The only sound I can hear are our own footsteps and the occasional chirp of a few nearby crickets. We pass by the park from this morning. Shin stops and stares off in the distance at something. _

 

Y: “Hm? What is it?”

 

_ Without a word, Shin takes my hand and walks us over to the fountain nearby. Shin reaches into his pocket and pulls out two coins. He hands one to me and holds the other in his hand. _

 

Sh: “Make a wish.”

 

Y: “Aren’t we a little old to be making wishes on fountains?”

 

Sh: “Probably.”

 

_ Shin closes his eyes and a few moments later flips the coin into the fountain’s waters. He turns to me, waiting for me to make my wish. I...I don’t know even what to wish for. There are so many things I want. My mind rushes to and fro trying to decide what I should pick. I never have been good with on-the-spot choices. I begin to feel the slight creeping feeling under my skin on arms manifesting. Shin places his hand on the small of my back. I turn to see him smiling at me. Seeing him, I feel the sensation in my arm disappear as fast as it showed. I take a deep breath and throw my coin into the fountain. _

 

Sh: “So what did you wish for?”

 

Y: “I can’t tell you. I’m certain that if I do, it won’t come true.”

 

_ Shin places his hands on my waist and looks into my eyes. _

 

Sh: “Aww, come on. Not even a little hint?”

 

Y: “Huhu, no Shin. Don’t make me get jiji on you.”

 

Sh: “Oh that’s not fair.”

 

_ Shin leans in and kisses me. The warmth of his lips against mine, the feeling as he pulls me close to him, there is no greater feeling in the world to me than moments like this. He slowly pulls away, my lips still tingling, my heart still fluttering. When it’s like this, just the two of us, it feels like everything is right with the world. For a few brief moments, I forget about all my worries, all my shortcomings, all the things that constantly berate and gnaw and lay siege to my soul. When I am in his arms, I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel wanted. _

 

Sh: “I love you Yuri.”

 

Y: “I l-love you too Shin.”


	17. Chapter 17

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

**_Few days later at school_ **

 

_ The school is having an all-school assembly for some special guest speaker that is supposed to be coming in the next few days. From what our teachers and some students have said, the guest speaker is one of the school’s alumni. They said they are coming back to speak to us about the world and life outside of high school. I personally don’t understand why we need an entire school assembly to tell us something like this but it does allow for a welcomed break from the monotony of our daily schedule. _

 

_ Shin and I make our way to the building containing the auditorium where the assembly will be held. It’s in the building across the grounds, located near the back of the school. Shin comments how much he really doesn’t want to do this and how much trouble do I think we’d get in if we just didn’t show. On our way, we are stopped by someone who seems strangely familiar. They wave to Shin and I. _

 

“Hello there Shin. Looking forward to the assembly I see.”

 

_ The look on Shin’s face changes to a pained expression. _

 

Sh:  _ sigh _ “Morning Lilith. Now, what do you want?”

 

_ The girl before us lets out a disgruntled “hmph”. Her mannerisms remind me a little bit of Natsuki. _

 

L: “Some seems to be a bit grumpy this morning.”

 

_ The young girl turns and looks at me. She smiles at me as she extends her hand forward. _

 

L: “I think I remember seeing you before. We haven’t been properly introduced yet. My name is Lilith.”

 

Y: “Nice to meet you Lilith. My name is Yuri.”

 

L: “Yuri? That’s such a pretty name. So Shin I’m guessing this is the new girlfriend?”

 

Sh: “As a matter of fact, she is.”

 

_ The terse tone in Shin’s voice seems rather unfitting for the conversation we’re currently in. Just who is this girl to him and why does he seem so bothered by her? _

 

L: “Well, I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy, hehe~. Well it was a pleasure to meet you Yuri. You two have a good rest of your day.”

 

_ Cheerfully, she pivots and walks toward the auditorium with the rest of the students. _

 

Y: “She seemed nice.”

 

_ As I turn to Shin, I notice that he has a troubled look in his eyes. _

 

Y: “Is everything alright dear?”

 

Sh: “Yeah...everything’s good. Let’s go before all the good seats are taken.”

* * *

**_Later that day at the literature club_ **

 

Y: “His ex?”

 

_ I had decided to ask Sayori and MC if they knew anything about this Lilith woman. I figured if there was anyone who might know something about her, the two of them would be it. There are certain aspects of Shin’s past that he would much rather not speak and for that I cannot fault him. However, I do wonder if his reasons for not letting me into those chapters of his life is due to those memories being too painful for him to recount or something else entirely. _

 

S: “Yeah. Lilith is Shin’s ex-girlfriend. Actually, before you, Lilith was Shin’s only girlfriend.”

 

MC: “They’ve had an on-again, off-again relationship for a long time now. It wasn’t until about seven months ago that Shin stopped dating her altogether.”

 

Y: “How long were they together?”

 

MC: “I’m not sure. Probably...2-3 years?”

 

_ Two to three years?! Now my curiosity has been piqued. _

 

Y: “MC, if you don’t mind me asking, what was their relationship like? From what I’ve seen, she seems quite nice and cordial so to hear that Shin simply stopped dating her seems a bit...out of character for him.”

 

_ MC’s expression grows dark, as if recounting a time he’d rather soon forget. I glance over at Sayori who also seems troubled by my question. I can feel the muscles in my chest tensing up as I wait for him to speak. _

 

MC: “Lilith was...Shin’s first. His first girlfriend. His first kiss. His first love. His first...you know. Shin’s never had issues with having girls being attracted to him. When he was younger he’d have girls hanging on his arms as if it was no big deal. Then came Lilith. From the moment he met her, he seemed infatuated by her. His reactions and behaviors around her were totally different than any of the other girls I saw him talk to.”

 

MC: “In the beginning, things were ok. They had their “honeymoon” phase where everything was good. Shin seemed happy enough. They were always together. They did everything with one another. He told me that she was the only one who he felt understood him. Then she started to change.”

 

_ Change? _

 

Y: “MC, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean ‘changed’?”

 

_ I hear Sayori’s voice continue where MC left off. _

 

S: “It started after one weekend they spent together. She...she became manipulative of Shin. It started out small, like calling him to see where he was. Gradually it turned into her making Shin push away most of his friends. She would threaten to leave him if he didn’t spend time with her. She said that if he loved her, he would do what she said.” 

 

S: “Poor Shin...he tried so hard to get away from her. When he told us that he finally had broken up with her, MC and I thought it was for good. It wasn’t till about two weeks later, that he went back to her. He said he loved her and that she had changed and wanted to give them another shot. This went on like this for a long time. Then as MC said, he finally broke it off with her. I guess he had finally had enough of her.”

 

_ MC turns his gaze to me, his expression seemingly having softened. _

 

MC: “Shin never did tell us all of the stuff she did or said to him. However, when he met you, I noticed something different about him.”

 

Y: “Different?”

 

MC: “Mhm. Shin seemed...happier. We hadn’t seen him like that in a long time.”

 

S: “Yeah. He might not have looked like it at the time, but I knew from the get-go that he really did like you. I would tease him on our walks to school about you and even though he tried his hardest to be his “tough guy Shin” self, he couldn’t hide his smile when I would mention your name.”

 

_ So that’s why Shin’s been so standoffish when it comes to me mentioning that girl. I had no idea. I feel a sense of confliction in my soul. For the first time in my life, I can say I truly love someone else in a way that transcends familial and platonic ties. I want to be with Shin and be there to shoulder his burdens and make new memories with him. But it would be foolish of me to assume that the time him and Lilith spent together hasn’t left some deep seated scars on his heart. To have been with someone as long as that, to have shared such a level of intimacy with them, I can’t expect there to be no lingering memories of her in his heart. _

 

_ I take a moment to reflect on Sayori and MC’s words. _

 

Y: “Thank you, you two. I feel I understand the situation a little bit better now.”

 

_ Sayori warmly smiles at me. _

 

S: “Just be patient with Shin. When the time comes around, he’ll open up to you more.”

* * *

_ The literature club meeting comes to a conclusion and MC, Sayori, Natsuki, and Monika all head home. I stay behind to clean up the tea set from earlier. I walk over to the fountain and clean out the kettle and cups. I walk back to the clubroom, securing everything in its rightful place. After one final inspection of the room, as to make sure nothing is being left behind, I grab my things and lock the door behind me. _

 

“Hello there Yuri.”

 

_ The suddenness of hearing my own name startles me. I turn to see Lilith standing next to me. There is something about her smile that sends a shiver down my spine. _

 

Y: “H-hello there.”

 

_ She simply stands there, twirling her hair around her finger. As I try to walk past her, she silently shifts into my path. _

 

L: “Woah, woah, what’s the rush?”

 

Y: “Excuse me, I really must be going.”

 

_ I attempt to pass her again but this time she slams her hand into the wall next to her barring my exit. As I turn to look at her, her eyes are far colder, her smile more sinister. _

 

L: “I just want to talk is all. Shin can wait.”

 

_ I don’t know what it is but hearing her say his name makes my blood boil. _

 

Y: “W-what do you want?”

 

L: “I’ll make this quick. I just want you to know one thing. Shin? Shin is mine. Despite what he might like you to believe, Shin only loves me. I’m his true one and only.”

 

Y: “That’s nice and all but if that were true, wouldn’t he still be with you?”

 

_ Her brow twitches. I can see that my words struck some chord with her. Good. _

 

L: “Hmph. Shin and I just need some time apart is all. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all.”

 

_ Lilith removes her hand from the wall and begins to make her way to the stairs. She turns to me with one more parting look. _

 

L: “Just remember, whenever he’s with you, he’ll be thinking of me. You never forget your first after all. See you later Yuri.”

 

_ As she disappears down the stairs, I can feel my heart racing. She...she was just saying that to get a rise out of me. I...I...I can feel the veins in my arms screaming out. I do my best to try and stifle the avalanche of emotions I am feeling myself being swept up in. _

 

_ Anger.  _

 

_ Uncertainty.  _

 

_ Jealousy. _

 

_ Fear. _

 

_ I...I...I don’t...I don’t...need...it… _

 

**_Bzzt!Bzzt!Bzzt!_ **

 

_ The sound of my phone going off pulls me out of my thoughts. I pull out my phone to see a text message from Shin. Seeing his name causes the torrent of emotions I was experiencing to dissipate, the clawing in my arms to subside. It’s amazing how something as simple as seeing his name can pacify the storms of my mind. I send my reply to him and make my way for the front door. _

 

_ A few moments later, I find Shin resting against one of the trees outside the entrance of the school. _

 

Sh: “Club meeting run long? Huh? What’s wrong?”

 

Y: “N-nothing. I just had to stay behind to take care of a few things.”

 

_ Shin doesn’t seem all too convinced by my statement. _

 

Sh: “Alright...if there’s something bothering you, I’m always here to listen.”

 

_ I hold tightly to Shin’s arm as we begin our walk home. Lilith. Shin’s first love. Her words still echo in my ears. “When he’s with you, he’ll be thinking of me.” I do my best to push the hypotheticals that those words spawn from my mind. If Sayori and MC’s words are to be believed and Shin’s reactions to her are any indication, Shin probably wants as much to do with her as I do. She’s just saying those things to try and drive a wedge between Shin and I. I can’t allow that. I won’t allow that. I love Shin and no one, especially not her, is going to take him away from me.  _


	18. Chapter 18

**_A few days later_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Shin and I are resting on the couch while the movie we are watching plays in the background. It is some action movie that Shin picked. I’m not particularly interested in it, I’ve never really been much for the action genre of cinema, but he seems to be enjoying himself. I am trying my best to stay awake. As I feel my eyelids beginning to slowly close, I feel Shin gently shake me. _

 

Sh: “Yuri.”

 

_ I sleepily look over at him wondering if maybe he caught me on the verge of drifting off to sleep. _

 

Y: “Huh? What is it?”

 

_ Shin points to the table in front of us at my phone. I completely didn’t hear the vibrating sound of my phone dancing across the wooden table. _

 

Sh: “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go get a drink of water. You want anything?”

 

Y: “Water would be nice. Thank you.”

 

_ I reach over and pick up to see my mother’s name. The video chat option is clearly highlighted across the screen. Well this is a welcomed surprise. I click the tiny green button and soon I am greeted by the face of my mother. She looks to be in her hotel room. _

 

YM: “Hello my darling lily, how are you?”

 

_ Hearing her voice removes all the fatigue and weariness I was feeling a few moments ago. _

 

Y: “Hello mother. I’m fine. How are you?”

 

YM: “Good. Good. We finished another show about few hours ago. America is so very different now than when I last came here.”

 

_ The last time I believe mother was in America for a show, was when I was very young. I don’t remember much of any of that time. The only part I do remember was my father taking me to one of her shows and being backstage and listening to my mother as she performed. It was such a surreal experience. Hearing my mother’s voice reverberating off the walls of the theatre, the sound of instruments serenading all those in attendance, and the roar of the crowd as they clapped and cheered for my mother, it felt like I was privy to something truly special that evening. _

 

_ I look at my mother’s face and notice something seems off. There’s a sad smile on her lips and her gaze seems distant. _

 

Y: “Mother, are you truly alright? You look downcast. Is something the matter?”

 

_ She sighs deeply. The brightness in her eyes has slowly been replaced by a more somber tone. _

 

YM: “I...I’m just a little homesick is all. It’s amazing to do something I love for a living but there are days like today, I really wish I could just be home with you and your father.”

 

Y: “Mother…”

 

YM: “Now, now Yuri. Don’t go worrying about me. Moments like this where I get to see you and talk to you will have to do till I return. So please wait for me my dear.”

 

Y: “Always mother.”

 

_ Shin places our glasses on the table as he takes a seat next to me. He leans in looks at my phone screen. My mother’s gaze shifts from me over to him. _

 

YM: “Ah Shin. I didn’t know you were over. How are you?”

 

Sh: “I’m good ma’am. How’s the tour going?”

 

YM: “As I was telling Yuri, it’s been going very well. A lot has changed since I originally was here.”

 

_ A more cheerful smile forms on my mother’s face. _

 

YM: “Well I’m off to bed now. Tell your father I love him and give him a hug for me Yuri.”

 

Y: “I will mother. Sweet dreams.”

 

_ The screen goes dark as the call ends. Seeing the despondent look in my mother’s eyes reminds me that even though she might sing beautiful music and appear to be very happy and cheerful, that underneath it all, she is still a person. Sometimes, the idealized nature of which I have built up in my mind toward her causes me to forget that. _

 

Sh: “You ok Yuri? You still tired?”

 

Y: “I’m fine. I’m just worried about my mother is all. She said she was feeling homesick and wanted to come home.”

 

Sh: “When does the last part of the tour end?”

 

Y: “It’ll be another two and a half months before she’s able to come home.”

 

_ Shin gently takes my hand in his. _

 

Sh: “Those two and a half months are gonna fly by, just you watch. Soon your mom will be home and everything will be back to normal.”

 

Y: “I hope so.”

 

_ Two and a half months sounds like such a long period of time. This isn’t the first time mother has been gone this long before but this time just feels different. It feels like she’s so much further away now. Almost as if I won’t see her again... _

 

_ Now look at me? I’m doing what I did when I was child. Making situations far worse for myself in my own thoughts than they need to be. Shin is right. It’s only a few more weeks. Soon she’ll be back home and I’ll be able to her again, just like I always have. _

 

_ I feel Shin’s hand cradle the side of my face as he kisses me on the forehead. _

 

Sh: “It’ll be alright Yuri. I promise.”

 

_ Shin turns back on the movie as I rest my head back on his shoulder. Yes, everything will be fine. The coming weeks will be soon pass and mother will be back home. As the third act of the movie begins, I feel myself slowly drifting back off to sleep. Before I realize, I’ve fallen fast asleep on Shin’s shoulder. _

* * *

**_The next morning_ **

 

_ As I slowly open my eyes, I am bombarded by an intense light shining directly at me. I shield my eyes with my hand as I slowly sit up. When I sit up, I finally realize the blanket has been draped over me. My eyes slowly scan the living room. It’s morning and Shin’s nowhere to be seen. How long have I been asleep? _

 

_ I look up at the clock hanging above the kitchen and see that it’s 7:32AM. I pick up my phone to see if there are any messages for me from mother or father. My phone screen comes to life and I see a picture message from Shin in my inbox. I click open the message. A picture of me sleeping on Shin’s shoulder, my mouth slightly open, shows itself on my screen. Shin has a large smile on his face. “Two things. First, you missed the best part of the movie sleepyhead. Second, you’re really cute when you sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow hun” is the message that accompanies the photo. I smile to myself. He can be such a weird person at times but he’s my weird person. _

 

_ I make my way upstairs to prepare for school. _

* * *

**_Later that day_ **

 

_ Today I decided to do something a bit different. Instead of going to the literature club, I asked Shin if he wouldn’t mind if I sat in on one of his club meetings. When I asked him at lunch, he seemed a bit caught off guard at my request. He asked me if I had thought of leaving the literature club and joining the kendo club. I would never dream of leaving the literature club. Sayori, MC, Natsuki, and Monika are like family to me and the literature club has proven a bastion of refuge for me many times in the past. I told him I would like to share more in the hobbies that he enjoys. I feel this will allow me to get to know Shin more completely than I currently do. He smiled and told me he would see me after my final class got let out. _

 

_ I stand outside the doorway to the kendo club. Shin’s club is in one of the building near the back of the school property. Shin told me the room was originally a large storage area the school used for old supplies but had largely gone unused for a long time. Shin and the founding members of his club were told if they cleaned and maintained it, they were more than welcomed to use the space for their club activities. _

 

_ I can hear voices coming from the other side of the door. One of them I recognize as Shin’s voice. I quietly open the door and peak my head in. The room is much larger than any of the clubs in the main school building. Ahead of me I can see Shin standing near one of the walls as several of the club members seem to be practicing their sparring against each other. There has to be at least twenty five people in here. I attempt to close the door quietly behind me but it lets out a large squeaking noise. As I turn around, I can see all the entire room looking at me. I can hear some of the members asking “Who’s the girl?” and “What’s she doing here? Is she a new member?”. I try to hide behind my hair to cover the overwhelming levels of embarrassment I currently am feeling. _

 

_ I feel a hand resting against the small of my back. I turn to see Shin smiling at me. _

 

Sh: “Glad you could make it Yuri. Guys, this is Yuri. Yuri, the kendo club.”

 

Y: “N-nice to meet a-all of you.”

 

_ I nervously bow as I can hear several greetings come from the club members. _

 

Sh: “Alright guys, back to work.”

 

_ Just like that, the room returns to normal. I notice one of the members of the club walking toward Shin and I. _

 

_ “Ah, so you’re the Yuri that Shin has told me about. Nice to meet you. I’m the president of the kendo club, Akira Mitsubishi.” _

 

Y: “P-pleased to make your acquaintance.”

 

A: “So Yuri, what brings you here today? Did Shin convince you to join our club? We’re always looking for new members.”

 

Y: “Sorry but no. I was curious to see what Shin’s club was like. He speaks very highly of you all so I wanted to see for myself what you all do.”

 

A: “Ah, I see. Well you picked a good day to stop by.”

 

_ Akira turns to the rest of the group. His voice radiates a sense of authority and power that I don’t commonly hear in many upperclassmen. _

 

A: “Alright everyone. Grab your gear and suit up. Our sparring session will begin in a few minutes.”

 

_ All the members, save Shin and Akira, make their way into another room and disappear for a few minutes before reemerging in their kendo gear. Shin walks me over to one of the chairs near the wall so I have a place to sit. With a smile, Shin walks over to the group. _

 

Sh: “Alright guys, let’s get to the fun stuff now shall we?”

* * *

_ The end of the day is slowly approaching as the final sparring match of the day finishes up. Shin and Akira took turns moderating the different matches that were taking place. When he wasn’t refereeing matches, Shin would sit with me and explain the nuances and varying strategies and techniques being implored by the different club members. His eyes would light up as he would commentate on the matches. When one of his fellow club members would make a mistake or looked to need coaching, Shin would pull them aside and show them how to better their technique or tell them what they could do to improve. Seeing how happy this place and these people make him warms my heart. This place must be to Shin what the literature club is to me. _

 

_ As the final sparring match ends, Shin walks over to address the group. _

 

Sh: “Alright everyone, that’s all for today. Good work everybody. Remember next session we will be working on---”

 

_ A hand raises up from one of the club members in the back of the group. _

 

Sh: “Hm? Someone has a question?”

 

_ Club member 1: “Yeah, everyone’s sparred today except you Shin. Even Akira sparred. I thought you said we all were going to spar today.” _

 

_ Shin seems a bit caught off guard by the question. _

 

Sh: “Oh...uh...yeah. It’s alright. I can spar next time. As I was saying the next session is---”

 

Club member 2: “I think he’s just scared he’ll get embarrassed in front of his girlfriend hehe.”

 

_ I see Shin’s hand twitch at that statement. I can hear the laughter of several other club members. I look at Shin’s face and notice a small smile forming. _

 

Sh: “So, you all want me to spar?”

 

_ Shin walks over and picks up Akira’s kendo stick and rests it on his shoulder. With his other hand, he points at the club member who made the comment. The room falls silent. _

 

Sh: “Well then, I guess you’ll be my sparring partner then.”

 

_ The club member flashes a cocky grin as he makes his way around to the front of the group. _

 

CM2: “This will be fun.”

 

A: “Aren’t you going to get the rest of your gear?”

 

Sh: “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna need it. We’re doing this first to three points.”

 

_ Shin steps onto the area reserved for sparring. The club member Shin is sparring against is noticeably taller and bigger looking than him. Shin takes up his fighting stance as does the other club member. Akira walks over to referee the match. _

 

Sh: “Just give the word Akira.”

 

A: “Ready...begin!”

 

_ Shin’s opponent rushes at him, attempting to strike him on the head. Shin sidesteps him and hits him on the back of the helmet with his kendo stick causing his opponent to lose his balance and stumble forward. _

 

Sh: “One.”

 

_ Shin’s opponent gets back up realizing that rushing him is probably not the most sound strategy. He inches closer to Shin, his sword raised at the ready. Shin doesn’t take his eyes off him. His opponent lurches forward with a horizontal swing that Shin uses his kendo stick to block. Several more blows are volleyed at Shin who blocks all of them. The growing frustration can be seen on his opponent’s face given that he hasn’t been able to land a single blow yet. In his frustration, he wildly swings in a diagonal pattern. Shin manages to narrowly sidesteps the blow. Using the opening, Shin pokes his opponent in the head with the tip of the kendo stick much to the amusement of the rest of us. _

 

Sh: “Two.”

 

_ The other club member removes his helmet, his eyes burning with rage and embarrassment. He levels his sword at Shin who simply smiles back at him. _

 

CM2: “You...you’re toying with me. Take this seriously dammit!”

 

Sh: “You want me to take this seriously?”

 

_ Shin’s smile fades. _

 

Sh: “Ok then.”

 

_ With a frightening level of speed, Shin goes on the offensive, closing the distance between him and the other club members. The gasps of shock and surprise whisper through the room. Shin swings the sword horizontally like a baseball player would when trying to hit a homerun. His opponent barely has time to react to Shin, let alone fully block the attack. He blocks the majority of the blow but is sent reeling backwards. Before his opponent can stead himself, Shin is on top of him. Shin brings his sword in a downward motion on his opponent’s head, causing the club member to drop his sword and cover his head. Shin stops the sword inches from his opponent’s head and gently taps him on the head. _

 

Sh: “Boop. And that’s three.”

 

_ Shin throws Akira back his kendo stick and then helps his defeated club member to his feet. _

 

Sh: “Thanks Akira. Well that’s all for today everyone. As I was saying before, the next time we’ll be practicing meditation techniques and stretching exercises to help prevent injuries. I’ll see you all next time.”

 

_ Shin walks over to me, his warm smile returning. It’s amazing how quickly the appearance in his eyes changed from just a few moments ago. When he’s in situations like that it almost feels like he’s a different person. _

 

Sh: “You ready to head home?”

 

Y: “Yes.”

 

_ Akira walks over to Shin and I before we leave. _

 

A: “It was nice to finally get to meet you Yuri. If you ever want to drop by, you’re always welcome here. Any friend of Shin’s is a friend of mine. Have a good night Shin and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Sh: “Catch you later Akira.”

 

_ Shin and I walk out of the kendo club and into the coolness of the late afternoon. The sun is beginning to show the early signs of twilight as we walk toward the entrance of the school. _

 

Sh: “So what did you think of your first kendo club meeting?”

 

Y: “It was...interesting. Although, if I’m being totally honest, I was a little worried during your sparring match.”

 

Sh: “Oh? No need to worry about me. I can handle myself.”

 

Y: “I wasn’t referring to being worried about you. I was more so worried about your fellow club member. You were rather...intense during that match.”

 

_ Shin looks a touched embarrassed at my claim. _

 

Sh: “Oh...uh...yeah. Sorry about that.”

 

_ I hold tightly to his arm as we pass the front gate of the school. _

 

Y: “But I could also tell you were practicing restraint when sparring with him even though he did try to provoke you. I appreciated that and I’m sure he did too.”

 

Sh: “Well I am glad you stopped by. I know stuff like kendo isn’t necessarily your thing but it does mean a lot to me that you came by so thank you.”

 

Y: “Thank you for inviting me Shin.”

 

_ Shin and I continue to walk home, enjoying the coming the twilight. _


	19. Chapter 19

**_The following weekend_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Shin’s grandmother invited me over for tea today. I wasn’t honestly expecting an invitation but Shin said she was insistent that I come over. I have enjoyed the times her and I have had a chance to talk over tea. She brings over two freshly made cups of green tea for her and I. _

 

G: “I’m glad you could come over today young Yuri. It’s always a pleasure to have another tea lover over.”

 

Y: “Thank you for inviting me over Jiji.”

 

_ I drink deeply the subtle and nuanced flavors. Most people would be content with preprocessed tea in a bottle or the little tea bags one can buy at your local convenience store. Shin’s grandmother is one of the few people who, like myself, still prepares tea the old fashioned way. Yes it takes longer but there a certain satisfying taste that comes from making it by hand. _

 

_ Shin walks into the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. _

 

Sh: “So what did you want to do today Yuri?”

 

_ Before I have a chance to answer Shin, his grandmother begins to speak. There’s a certain level of uneasiness and worry in her voice. _

 

G: “Oh dear…”

 

_ Her gaze seems to scan across the kitchen as if searching for something. _

 

Sh: “Hm? What’s wrong?”

 

G: “I...well...it’s a bit embarrassing. I just realized I forgot to pick up my medicine from the pharmacy.”

 

Sh: “Really? How did you manage that? You were out all day yesterday.”

 

G: “I’m an innocent, elderly woman. My mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be.”

 

Sh: “Innocent is not one of the adjectives I’d use to describe you Jiji…”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother casts a death stare his direction to which he reciprocates one back to her. I can’t help but giggle to myself. They really do have one of the most interesting familial relationships of anyone I know. I’m almost a little jealous. _

 

G: “Hush boy. Now be a good grandson, and go pick up your grandmother’s medicine for me please.”

 

Sh: “Wait why do I have to do it?”

 

G: “Because you’re my favorite grandson.”

 

Sh: “I’m your only grandson.”

 

G: “All the more reason, for you to do it. Now chop chop. I’ll keep your lovely girlfriend company until you return. _ ” _

 

_ Shin looks over at me as if hoping I will lend him aid in this situation. I nervously begin to play with my hair. I’ve never been good in situations like this before. _

 

Y: “W-well you’re grandmother does need her medicine.”

 

_ Shin sighs as he hangs his head. _

 

Sh: “Fine. I’ll be right back.”

 

_ Shin gives me a hug before he begins to make his way to the door. As I hear the door shut, I see a mischievous look form on his grandmother’s face. _

 

G: “Hmmm...good. Now that should keep him occupied for a little bit.”

 

Y: “W-what are you talking about?”

 

_ She simply smiles at me. It suddenly clicks what she meant. _

 

Y: “There’s no medicine is there?”

 

_ Jiji lets out a slight chuckle as she takes another sip of her tea. _

 

G: “Very observant my dear. I wanted to talk, just the two of us.”

 

_ Almost as if sensing my rising levels of anxiety, she reaches over and places her hand on mine. _

 

G: “Now, now my dear, no need to be worried. Come now.”

* * *

_ Shin’s grandmother gets up and motions for me to follow her. She walks into the living room and pulls a large book from off the bookshelves and takes a seat on the couch. She gently taps the couch cushion next to her, signalling for me to take a seat. She opens the book to reveal dozens of pages of photos. Some of them look like pictures of Shin when he was much younger. As she flips through the pages, a warm, nostalgic look in her eyes. She points to a picture of Shin with her on what looks to be his birthday. _

 

G: “Ah I remember this day. It was his 9th birthday. I believe that was the year he asked for his first kendo stick.”

 

_ I sit with her as she flips through several other pages of Shin from various points in his life. As she flips to one page, I notice a picture of a man and woman standing next to each other. The woman is holding a small child in her arms. _

 

Y: “Is that Shin?”

 

_ Her gaze softens. Her countenance emanates an aura of bittersweetness. _

 

G: “I know you’ve asked Shin before about his mother and father but he hasn’t told you anything about them has he?”

 

Y: “N-no. Not really. He only spoke of his mother and that she had passed away. He has never mentioned anything about his father. Whenever I’ve asked, he grows silent and refuses to talk about it.”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother looks at me, the same melancholic look in her eyes. _

 

G: “I won’t discuss his father. That is a topic best suited for you to hear from him when he’s ready. However, I will tell you about his mother.”

 

_ She flips to the next page. Jiji pulls out a picture of Shin sitting on his mother’s lap, a contented smile on her face. _

 

G: “She was a good woman. She loved Shin more than anything else in the world.”

 

Y: “What was she like?”

 

G: “Aaah. She was smart. Beautiful. Charming. She had a smile that could light up any room and the kindest heart of anyone I had ever known.”

 

_ I feel a knot in my stomach as I feel compelled to ask the question that has been gnawing on my mind for some time now. _

 

Y: “Jiji, what happened to Shin’s mother?”

 

_ She takes a deep breath as she stares longingly at the photo of Shin and his mother, as if recounting a happier time in her life. _

 

G: “Shin’s mother was always a happy and healthy woman. So full of life and promise. One day she fell ill and was rushed to the hospital. We all had assumed it was just the cold or perhaps a bad case of the flu. We found out she had a terminal heart defect and was only given a few weeks to live. Shin was only five years old at the time. Even at that young age, he was aware of what was going on. I remember he cried for days after her passing. The poor thing was inconsolable. From that day forward, he was always a little more cut off and removed from everyone else.”

 

_ I feel a pain in heart as she speaks. To lose your mother at such a young age and so suddenly. Even after all these years, Shin must carry those memories with him even now. I gaze at the picture, realizing that this happy memory for Shin will only ever exist for him in this photo. I look up from the photo to his grandmother. _

 

Y: “W-why are you telling me this?”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother closes the book and places it back on the shelf. As she turns to me, her expression has changed. _

 

G: “In all the years Shin has lived with me, there have only been two people that have made Shin smile. The first was his first girlfriend, Lilith.”

 

_ I feel a sickening feeling in my stomach when she says her name. _

 

G: “I am not too surprised by that though. A person’s first love can be one of the most intense and happy moments of a person’s life. However, if I am to be completely honest with you dear, I never did much care for her. When you’ve lived as long as I have, you become a fairly good judge of character when it comes to people and their motives. The second? The second was you.”

 

G: “I’m telling you all of this to say, he loves you my dear. I can tell by the way he looks at you. The way he says your name when he speaks of you. You’ve given my Shin a sense of hope that I had long since thought was gone forever.”

 

_ She gently places her hand on my shoulder. _

 

G: “Thank you for loving my Shin. I know there are parts of his life that you wish to learn about and one day he will tell you those things. Till that day, please, be patient with him.”

 

_ At that moment, we hear the door open and in walks Shin, an irritated look on his face. _

 

Sh: “Old woman! You have some explaining to do!”

 

G: “What are you going on about?”

 

Sh: “I got all the way to the drug store and they said you picked up your medicine yesterday.”

 

G: “Oh? Did I? I guess I did. Sorry, my memory isn’t as good as it used to be.”

 

Sh: “You did that on purpose didn’t you…?”

 

G: “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Well, I am feeling a bit tired. A nap sounds good. Enjoy the remainder of your day you two and stay out of trouble.”

 

_ Shin’s grandmother proceeds to make her way to her room. I turn to my flustered Shin. _

 

Sh: “I swear that woman gets some sick enjoyment out of doing this kind of thing. So what did you two talk about while I was gone?”

 

_ I don’t reply to Shin, instead vouching to walk over and wrap my arms around him. I guess the suddenness of the gesture catches him off guard. _

 

Sh: “Uh...is everything ok?”

 

Y: “Yes...everything is alright.”

 

_ The more I learn about Shin, the more I realize him and I are similar in certain ways. Although our upbringings have been different, we both just want to feel like we belong somewhere. That we matter to someone. I know I could never hope to fill the void left behind by his mother but maybe by being in his life, I can help him realize how much I love him. Maybe together, we can help heal the scars that the other has. _


	20. Chapter 20

**_Lilith’s POV_ **

 

_ I can hear the gentle tap, tap, tapping sounds of rain on the roof. The sound of rain is always so relaxing. The bellowing sounds of thunder punctuate the steady rhythm the rain is playing on the shingles. We always would fall asleep to these lovely sounds. I miss those memories. _

 

_ Shin and I used to be so happy together. I remember the day that I first met him. It was the first day of freshman year. I was walking to one of my classes when I saw him. He was leaning against one of the lockers in the hallway, a stern yet carefree expression was etched onto his face. As I drew nearer to him, even though he didn’t look at me, I could see his eyes. His strong, beautiful eyes. In that moment, I felt my heart skip a beat. _

 

_ I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that as I passed him, I tripped and fell in the hallway, scattering my belongings everywhere. I had hoped that in that moment, he wouldn’t have turned his eyes to me to save me the embarrassment of having to explain why I had clumsily tripped at the worst possible moment. As I reached for my textbook, I saw he had already picked it up and was holding it. He extended his hand to me. _

 

Sh: “Are you ok?”

 

_ His voice spoke with a much softer tone than what his appearance would have led you to believe he had. The moment I felt my fingers touch his hand, I felt a “spark”. It felt like someone had injected me with a shot of euphoria. It was one of the most intense experiences I had had in my life up to that point. Since that moment, no one has ever been able to elicit the same sort of feeling as my Shin managed to that day. _

 

_ Shin helped me to my feet and returned my book to me. _

 

L: “T-thank you.”

 

Sh: “Don’t mention it. Just be careful next time.”

 

_ And with that Shin walked away. As I watched him walk down the hallway, I felt a warm feeling in my chest. It felt like tiny little embers were burning in my veins. My mind was jumbled mess of emotions and noise. As he disappeared down the stairs, I remember smiling to myself. Even though at the time I didn’t know his name, I did know one thing: One day I would make that boy mine and mine alone. _

* * *

_ Over the next few weeks, I sought out any and all excuses I could find to spend time with him. I would walk to class with him, eat lunch with him, study with him. I could tell he was warming up to me when he offered to walk me home. I held so tightly to his arm as we strolled back to my house. Normally, I would have expected someone to pull away when I did something like that, but not my Shin. He blushed when I did it, trying his best to maintain his ‘tough guy’ persona in front of me but I knew better. When we arrived back at my house, I remember standing on my doorstep and gazing longingly into those lovely eyes of his. His eyes are my favorite part of him...well...one of my favorite parts anyway~. _

 

_ Shin said his goodbyes and told me he’d see me tomorrow but I didn’t want that moment to end. _

 

L: “Shin!”

 

_ I called out to him, my voice wavered slightly trying to contain the mixture of anxiousness and excitement I felt overwhelming me in that moment. He turned around and faced me. It felt like my body was moving on its own and I was simply along for the ride. I soon found myself standing directly in front of him and staring into his eyes again. Before he could say anything, the next thing I remember is the taste of his lips. The embers that once burned in my veins had changed to raging fires, my heart, a pounding war drum. His taste was intoxicating. I had dreamt of what this moment would be like. The reality of the situation was far and away more satisfying than anything my imagination could have ever conceived. _

 

_ Our moment lasted for only a few brief seconds. I pulled away, my heart still rampaging within my chest. _

 

L: “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

 

_ I turned around and opened the door to my house. Shin looked at me in silence as he did a small awkward wave. I walked into my house and closed the door behind me. I slid down the door as the weight of what had just transpired overtakes me. In that moment, I finally understood what it was about that boy that was so different than everyone else. I had finally found my true love. That day was one of the happiest days of my life. _

* * *

_ I look at my phone and realize it’s getting late and I haven’t showered yet. I make my way to the bathroom and turn the shower on. The refreshing feeling of the water tracing lines down my body feels incredible. I stay in the shower, allowing the warm water to caress my body as I recall other fond memories I once had with my Shin. _

 

_ It wasn’t long after that walk home that Shin properly asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so happy that day. From that day forward, the sun shone brighter, the sky seemed bluer, and everything just felt right with the world. We were so in love. I tried my best to be the best girlfriend to Shin. I would help him study, I would make lunches for the two of us, we did mostly everything together. _

* * *

_ I learned a lot about Shin as a person in those first few months of us dating. Underneath that bad boy exterior was a truly sweet and sentimental soul. He said I was the only person he had ever met he felt comfortable enough talking to about his problems and his past. _

 

_ One of the things he eventually became comfortable enough with me to tell me about was his family life. He told me how is mother had passed away when he was very young but that he still remembers her. The pain in his eyes broke my heart. I could tell that even though he had very few memories of her, she meant a lot to him. When I asked how his father handled it, Shin’s eyes turned darker. I watched as his fists clenched and he began to tremble. I placed my hand on his in an attempt to comfort him. He looked at me with those troubled eyes of his. I told him that no matter what happened in his past, it wouldn’t change how I felt for him now. _

* * *

_ Shin told me about the man that was his father. His father was a stern and strict man. Prior to his mother’s death, the worst he would have to deal with was maybe the occasional reprimand for doing something wrong. After her death however, his father turned into a wholly different person. He became a heavy drinker and would routinely come home from work and beat Shin. He told me that there would be days at a time where his father would consistently leave Shin with several large bruises all over his body. _

 

_ On one particularly nightmarish night, his father came home particularly drunk and angrier than usual. Shin hid in his room but his father found him. His father yelled at him, telling him how worthless he was and how it was his fault his mother had died. I watched as Shin began to tear up as he recounted the painful memory. His father pulled Shin up by his arm and dragged him kicking and screaming into the living room. Once he was there, his father beat Shin till he could scarcely move. The worst part of it all wasn’t the beatings but what his father did afterwards. He lit a cigarette as Shin stared up at his father. He said he still remembers that man’s words to this day. _

 

Shin’s Father: “I hate you.”

 

_ Shin’s father took the lit cigarette and pressed into the skin of Shin’s back. He said the pain was far worse than anything he had felt before in his life. Shin lifted up his shirt to show me the small scar on his back near his ribs where the cigarette was placed. Shin grew silent after that moment. I knew there were no words I could have possibly given to Shin in that moment that would have been able to alleviate the pain he felt. I wrapped my arms around him and simply held him. It wasn’t long after that night that Shin moved away and began living with his grandmother. Despite the tragedy that was his upbringing, I found myself asking the question: Would Shin and I have ever met if his father hadn’t turned out to be such a monster? _

* * *

_ I turn off the shower and decide and make my way back to my room. The coolness of the sheets feels wonderful on my bare skin. I remember the last time Shin and I shared this bed together. Hehehe, ah those were wonderful times. I remember having to replace the headboard after one of our more...enthused sessions. _

 

_ Even though Shin and I have been on and off again for the last few years, he always has managed to find his way back to me. I have had boyfriends since him but none could ever satisfy me the ways he could. Everyone else’s touch fails to elicit the same feeling of passion and intensity that his can. The best part about Shin is that he doesn’t even have to try. Simply by being, he accomplishes what no other person has managed to be able to do for me. _

* * *

_ I reach over to my nightstand and pull out a photo of Shin and I. It was taken last year when we were out celebrating one of his kendo tournament wins. It was such a happy day. As I stare at the photo, I feel the familiar feeling of longing for his touch return. _

 

_ When will you return to me my love? _

 

_ I can still vividly remember your scent, your touch, the sweetness of your taste. I can feel my body beginning to cry out for him. My hands begin to make their ways around my body, attempting to remember the ways Shin used to touch me. The one thing no one can say about Shin is that he doesn’t know how to use his hands. With each and every caress, another soft moan follows. _

 

_ I touch myself more, remembering back to the last time we made love. He was so strong. So tender. The recollection of our two bodies becoming one. The sensation of his body on mine, his pleasured moans in my ear. The feeling builds and swells till it finally crescendos. _

 

_ I lay there in the silence. I look over to my right and realize you aren’t there. Oh how I wish you were here...it’s just not the same without you. The memories are nice but I prefer to have you back my darling Shin. I look over at the photo near me again. As I gaze at the photo, the image of that girl flashes through my mind. _

 

_ Yuri... _

 

_ She took my Shin away from me. I’m the only one good enough for Shin. Not her. Just me. _

 

_ I place the photo back onto my nightstand as I gaze out the window as the storm continues to rage outside. As I stare at the raindrops racing down the window pane, a thought occurs to me.  _

 

_ I am right. I am the only one Shin needs. I am the only one who can make him truly happy. He just think he’s in love with Yuri. All I need to do is to show him the error of his ways and he’ll come right back to me just like he always does...and I know just how to do it.  _

 

_ A brilliant flash envelops my room. The storm seems to finally be here now. Don’t worry my beloved. We will soon be reunited, just wait for me Shin. Soon, we’ll be together again. _


	21. Chapter 21

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

**_End of the school day - 4:23PM_ **

 

_ Father told me he had to leave for a month for work. He mentioned one of his friends from medical school had asked if he wouldn’t mind coming and filling in as one the acting head doctors at one of the busier hospitals for a few weeks. My father obliged his request. Before he left, he mentioned that when mother returns from her tour, he wanted to take us all on a family vacation. I think the last time we went on a family vacation was when I was seven or eight. The thought alone excites me. I can’t wait. _

 

_ Since it’s just been me in the house for the past week, I’ve been spending more and more time with Shin at his house. This is due in part to me simply not wanting to be at home by myself and also that, once she found out I was home alone, Jiji seemed rather insistent that I come over. It’s been rather nice to have the two of them around to keep me company. Now don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly content with being home by myself. I enjoy my solitude. It’s just...reassuring to know that people like Shin’s grandmother appreciate my company enough to open their home to me during times like this. _

* * *

**_4:29PM_ **

 

_ Shin told me that he was going to stay after his kendo club meeting to practice. He told me I should head on home and that he’d talk to me later tonight. Maybe I could watch him practice? I would hope my presence alone wouldn’t be enough to interrupt his concentration. _

 

_ Or maybe it would be distracting having me around… _

 

_ I shake my head. Now Yuri, you’re just being silly. If Shin finds my presence detracting from his practice, then I can simply head on home and wait for him to return. If he needs silence, then I could simply sit in the corner and read while he practices. Despite what he might believe, I truly do enjoy watching him practice. Seeing him so focused and determined excites me. Even though I might not share his passion for the sport, I do understand the need and desire to perfect one’s craft. _

 

_ I make my way from the literature club to where his building is. At this hour of the day, there are very few students still left. It’s rather peaceful being able to walk the school like this. Normally, there would be dozens of students walking to and fro, conversing with each other, but now? Now the only sounds I can hear are the whispers of the wind and the sounds of my steps resonating off the pavement. _

 

**_4:36PM_ **

 

_ I soon find myself standing in front of Shin’s building. As I reach for the door handle, I hear something. It sounds like two voices coming from the inside of the building. One I clearly recognize is Shin’s but I can’t quite make out the others. Suddenly, I hear a loud crashing noise. I gently open the door to see what happened. _

 

Y: “Shin, I…”

* * *

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

**_End of the school day - 4:19PM_ **

 

One!

 

Two!

 

Three!

 

Four!

 

_ Huff _

 

_ Huff _

 

_ Huff _

 

One of the good things about being vice president of the kendo club is you can use it after everyone’s gone to work off some steam. Hm? Why am I working off steam? Well, between exams, studying, the club itself, and...other things, I just need to work out my frustrations in a more “constructive manner” as Yuri would put it. I told her I would meet up with her at her house once I got done here. I’ve been in a bit of a sour mood most of the day and Yuri picked up on that. I hope she doesn’t think I’m mad at her or anything. 

 

I throw my kendo stick over to my bag as I take a seat on the edge of one of the tables. All of the frustrations of my day slowly drift through my mind. Eventually, the major source of my less than stellar mood surfaces: _ him.  _

 

Even to this day, even after all this time, just the thought of that man makes my blood boil. I remember what he was like when mom was here. He was hardly a saint but afterwards he truly became a piece of work. 

 

I...no. No, I need to stop thinking about him. Jiji told me he doesn’t control my life anymore. I don’t need to let that man get to me. I’ll show him. I’ll grow up to be a better man than he could ever hope to be. And one day, I’ll be a better father than he ever was to me…

 

I suddenly hear the familiar sound of the club door creaking open. I swear no matter how much oil we apply to those hinges, the thing creaks like Jiji does. Maybe Akira came back to get something?

 

Sh: “Hey Akira, what’s----”

 

“Hello my dear Shin.”

 

That voice. I turn to see her.

 

Sh: “L-Lilith? What are you doing here?”

* * *

**_4:25PM_ **

 

What the hell is she doing there? She looks at me, her hand on her hip and a somewhat smug smile on her face. A year ago, that smirk she’s wearing would have filled me with a very different emotion than what I feel right now. I turn my back to her and pretend to look busy.

 

Sh: “What do you want?”

 

L: “Can’t I come by and visit my Shin?”

 

She walks closer to me.

 

Sh: “I didn’t ask you to visit and I’m NOT your Shin...not anymore.”

 

Lilith giggles to herself.

 

L: “Come now Shin, we both know you’ll always be mine. You always come back.”

 

She tries to touch my hand but I swat her hand away. I know what she’s trying to do. She’s trying to prey on my feelings and the history I have with her. I have tried my damndest to shut off my heart to those memories. I refuse to allow myself to fall back into that trap of her’s again.

 

Sh: “I...I am with Yuri now. If you truly loved me, you’d let me go and allow me to be happy.”

 

L: “But can she make you happy like I can? I know you better than anyone else.”

 

Sh: “No. No you don’t.”

 

Lilith's tone changes.

 

L: “So have you told little Yuri about us? Or what about your mother and father?”

 

I wince slightly when I hear her say the word “father”. That little twitch doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

L: “Ah. So you haven’t told her yet about him. Well I guess that’s one thing at least I know that she doesn’t. Well there’s also---”

 

Sh: “Shut up!”

 

I can feel my anger getting the better of me. I’m inches away from her face. I can feel my fist clenched, my teeth grinding. Lilith slightly cocks her head to the side.

 

L: “Or what? You’ll put your hands on me? Kind of like your father did to you?”

 

There’s a coldness to her words that pierces through my very soul. I feel a pain flare out from my heart and to my stomach. She looks at me knowing full well I might hate her but I hate the thought of being anything like him far more. In that moment of weakness, I feel her hand brush against my cheek.

 

L: “I know you would never hurt me. Because you aren’t your father. Because you still love me somewhere deep down inside. That Yuri girl is just trying to keep us separated. Come back home Shin. Come back to where you belong. With me.”

* * *

**_4:33PM_ **

 

I gently take her hand and place it down at her side. 

 

Sh: “No. I can’t. I chose Yuri. The time for you and I being together is over. I’m sorry Lilith.”

 

The softness that was in Lilith’s voice a moment ago is quickly replaced by a more frustrated and angry tone.

 

L: “You really aren’t making this easy for me now are you love? What does that girl have that I don’t have? She’ll never be able to understand you like I do. To love you the way I can. To satisfy you the way I can. So why her?”

 

If she had asked me this when Yuri and I first started dating, I probably wouldn’t have been able to come up with an answer. Now, after all the time I have spent with her and the new memories I’ve made with her, I now have my answer.

 

Sh: “Because when I imagine my future, the only person I can see it with is her. Because when I’m with her, I want to be a better man. Because I love her. Because she's not you.”

 

Lilith’s gaze narrows, I can see the beginnings of tears forming in the creases of her eyes.

 

L: “But what about me? I love you Shin! You and only you!”

 

Lilith runs at me and begins to slam her fist into my chest pushing me back. 

 

Sh: “Lilith. Stop. Please, just---”

 

Suddenly I feel myself lose my footing and fall over. I attempt to grab a hold of anything that might stop me but all I grab is the back of one of the metal chairs in the room. There’s a loud crashing noise as I hit the ground with it. 

 

It takes a few seconds for me to realize, Lilith fell on top of me. I look up at her to see tears streaming down her face.

 

L: “Please...I just want you to love me. Please.”

 

Sh: “Lilith, I---”

 

Before I have a chance to finish my thought, I feel Lilith’s lips press against mine. For a split second, I don’t know what to do or how to respond. Then I hear the door creak open again.

 

“Shin, I---”

* * *

**_4:36PM_ **

 

In that moment, it feels like time stops. I look over and see Yuri in the door frame. No...no...nonononono. Please tell me this is a really bad dream. Please tell me this is not real. I see tears begin to fall from her eyes.

 

Y: “Shin...I…”

 

Sh: “Yuri, it’s not what it looks like! I can explain!”

 

Y: “I...I trusted you…”

 

With those final words, Yuri runs out of the room. I push Lilith off of me and rush to the door. The only thing I can see is Yuri running away.

 

Sh: “Yuri...I...I didn’t…it wasn’t…”

 

It feels like chains are wrapping around my heart. I can barely breathe. My heart burns. I feel a sickening knot in my stomach.

 

“Now, now Shin. It’ll be alright.”

 

I look down to see Lilith’s arms wrapping around me. 

 

Lilith.

 

In a fit of rage, I break free of her grip and grab her up by her throat, pinning her to the wall. Lilith’s eyes go wide.

 

L: “Oh, you know I like it rough Shin. Shall we do it here like old times?”

 

Sh: “You! This is all your fault! Why must you ruin every chance I have at happiness? Why can’t you just leave me be!?”

 

I feel my grip tightening around her neck. Lilith doesn’t struggle, nor does it seem to bother her. She speaks with a chilling calmness.

 

L: “It’s not my fault for this. You chose to stay here with me instead of running after her. So much for all that “loving her so much” you mentioned a few moments ago. At the end of the day, you still chose to stay with me. With your actual love.”

 

I feel my grip slowly loosen. She’s right. I didn’t chase after her. I could have run after her to explain myself but instead I chose to let Lilith manipulate me again. I grit my teeth and rush out of the room to anywhere but here.

* * *

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Tears burn my eyes as I run home. The image of the two of them replays in my mind the entire way home. I need to just get away. Far and away from him and her. _

 

_ I run into my house, slamming the door shut as I enter. I quickly climb the stairs and enter my room, throwing myself onto my bed as my body is racked by sobs of betrayal and heartbreak. I thought Shin loved me. I...I trusted him. So why? Why would he do this to me? _

 

**_“Just remember, when he’s with you, he’ll be thinking of me. You never forget your first after all”_ **

 

_ Her words feel like tiny glass shards in my heart and mind, tearing my soul asunder, piece by excruciating piece. Maybe I was just fooling myself into believing that someone like me could ever be loved. What an absolute fool I’ve made myself out to be. _

 

_ The pain in my heart is only matched by the pain flaring up and down my arms. Since Shin, I had tried so hard to give up this affliction. He was the first person to make me feel like I mattered enough to drown out the pain of my own inner turmoil. Now it would seem the dam I had built to house those negative feelings was filled to bursting and seeking to drown me in my own sorrow and shame. _

 

_ I reach into my dresser and pull out one of my favorite knives. Instead of admiring the beauty or intricacies of it, I begin carving out new rivers for my heartache to spring forth from. _

 

**_Shinkt_ **

 

_ Why? _

 

**_Shinkt_ **

 

_ Why? _

 

**_Shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt shinkt_ **

 

_ WHY!? _

 

_ I don’t know how long I spent marking myself. All I know is that my arms and the sheets of my bed are stained a rusty crimson color. I can barely see any untouched skin on my arms. I bury my face into my bloodied hands as the howls of anguish and despair leave my lips, like a broken soul’s requiem.   _

 


	22. Chapter 22

**_Four days later_ **

 

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

_ Knock, knock _

 

_ Knock, knock _

 

I walk over to the door and slowly open it. On the other side, I see MC and Sayori.

 

MC: “Hey Shin, mind if we come in?”

 

Judging by the looks on their face, I can already tell what they’re here for. There’s a pained expression on their faces. Not that I can necessarily blame them though. I did hurt one of their friends after all.

 

Without saying anything, I walk back over to my spot on the couch and sit down. Sayori takes a seat on the edge of the coffee table and MC sits in one of the chairs near the couch. I have a feeling this conversation is going to be just like the one we had nearly a week ago. I close my eyes and prepare myself for what’s to come.

 

Sayori’s the first one to speak.

 

S: “How are your hands?”

 

I’m a bit caught off guard that that is the first thing she asks me about. I look down at the bandages that cover my knuckles and wrists. The night this whole thing happened, I found myself wandering around aimlessly till well after midnight. The only thing I could feel that night was a mixture of shame, guilt, and anger. I eventually found myself at the park where Yuri and I met that young woman with her kid. While resting against one of the trees in the park, I could hear Lilith’s words echoing in my head. “ _ You chose to stay with me. With your actual love. _ ” Her words played over and over again in my head. I punched the tree out of frustration. And did it again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

I don’t know how much time passed but when I finally stopped, the skin on my knuckles had all but been worn off and my hands were a bloody mess. There was a worn out piece of bark on the trunk of the tree from where I had been punching. The dull, achy feeling in my hands is a constant reminder that that day happened.

 

Sh: “T-they’re ok.”

 

S: “We didn’t see you at school today again. We just wanted to come by and check on you.”

 

I look over at her and can see the concern in her eyes. She should be directing that concern toward Yuri, not me. She’s the one who deserves it.

 

Sh: “I’m fine Sayori.”

 

Sayori reaches and places her hand on mine.

 

S: “Shin, you can talk to us. We’re your friends. We----”

 

Sh: “I SAID I’M FINE!”

 

I bolt to my feet, fist clenched, as I feel my anger spike. My reaction scares Sayori who jerks her hand back and nearly falls off the table. I can see her eyes beginning to tear up. I turn to MC who has a look of disappointment on his face. 

 

She didn’t deserve that. Why did I do that? She’s not the one I’m angry with. I slowly unfurl my fists and sit back down. I can’t even bring myself to look at Sayori.

 

Sh: “I...I...I’m sorry Sayori.”

 

Since that day, I’ve been doing nothing but taking out my aggression and guilt on everyone around me: MC. Sayori. Jiji. Everybody. I haven’t seen or talked to Yuri since that day. She won’t pick up her phone or return my texts. I even tried going over to her house to talk to her but she wouldn’t even come to the door. 

 

Sayori told me that after she found out about what happened, she went over to see Yuri. She said that when she saw her, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. When she started to ask her what happened, all Yuri did was cry.

 

After a moment of silence, Sayori begins to speak again.

 

S: “Shin. We’re worried about you. You can’t keep beating yourself up over what happened.”

 

Sh: “I saw the look in her eyes before she ran away Sayori. I hurt her. Yuri feels that I betrayed her.”

 

MC: “But you didn’t betray her. It’s just a huge misunderstanding. I’m sure she’d believe you if you two could talk to each other.”

 

Sh: “That’s the problem. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t say that I blame her either.”

 

I feel Sayori cup her hands around my face and pull my eyes up to hers. There’s a tenderness to her eyes that hurts to see directed at me.

 

S: “Look at me Shin. You’re not a bad person. I believe you when you say you wouldn’t hurt Yuri. MC and I both know you love her and you want to be there for her. So do that Shin: be there for her.”

 

Sh: “B-but how? How am I supposed to be there for someone who doesn’t want me around them?”

 

Sayori looks over to MC and then back to me.

 

S: “Honestly...I don’t know. What I do know is that you can’t give up on what the two of you have. Be patient with her Shin. I know Yuri still loves you, even under all that pain she is feeling.”

 

As I look at Sayori, I really want to believe that what she’s saying is true. I do still love Yuri, that part hasn’t changed. I just wish I could talk to her and explain myself to her. I want to make things right with her. I want us to work even if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I just wish I knew how to do it…

 

At that moment, the front door opens again and in walks Jiji.

 

G: “Oh I didn’t know we would be expecting visitors today. Hello MC, hello Sayori. It’s good to see you two again.”

 

MC: “Hello Jiji. It’s good to see you.”

 

Grandma then stares at the three of us with a somewhat puzzled look.

 

G: “I wasn’t interrupting something important was I?”

 

Sayori stands up.

 

S: “No. We just came by to see Shin. MC and I were just about to head back home.”

 

Sayori walks over and hugs Jiji, MC following right behind her. Before Sayori and MC leave, MC turns back to me.

 

MC: “Hopefully we’ll see you at school on Monday Shin. Remember, Sayori and I are here if you need us.”

 

With one final goodbye, the two of them leave. Jiji walks over and places her hand on my shoulder.

 

G: “You really are blessed to have friends like those two in your life.”

 

Jiji doesn’t say anything else and instead heads off to her room. I find myself staring at the front door. 

 

Yeah...I really am fortunate to have them.

* * *

**_Later that evening_ **

 

I sit on my bed as I change the wrappings on my knuckles. As I tighten the last part of it, I notice the picture on my nightstand. It’s a picture of Yuri and I from...a happier time. She was always so shy about me taking pictures of us. “I thought you said you hated getting your picture taken” she would tell me. I do but that day I just really wanted a memory of the two of us. It took some...convincing (and by convincing I had to pull her close in the shot and threaten to tickle her if she tried to run) but eventually I got the photo. I feel the unfamiliar feeling of a smile forming on my face.

 

“Such a lovely picture isn’t it? Mind if I come in?”

 

I look up from the picture to see Jiji standing in the doorway.

 

Sh: “Why do I have a feeling even if I said no that wouldn’t stop you?”

 

G: “Well, you would be right then my dear boy.”

 

She smiles as she walks over and sits on the edge of my bed with me.

 

G: “You know, we haven’t sat like this since you were really little.”

 

I know she didn’t come all the way up here to simply wax nostalgic with me over memories of my childhood.

 

Sh: “I know you didn’t come here jiji to simply talk about my childhood. So why are you really here?”

 

I half expected her to say something snarky or smart to me but her voice remains calm.

 

G: “Do you remember the day when you thought you broke my music box I keep downstairs?”

 

I think I was nine at the time. I was running around the house, pretending I was some superhero and ran into the bookshelf and knocked the box over. When I checked it to make sure it would play, I couldn’t get it to work. I panicked and desperately tried to put it back together but nothing I tried seemed to fix it. 

 

Jiji places her hand on my freshly bandaged knuckles.

 

G: “You were so scared when I got home that day. You thought I would be angry at you if you told me the truth. You were afraid of how’d I react and so you hid what you did from me till that night I came into your room and asked you what happened. Even at that young age and knowing what you did, you didn’t lie to me when I asked you what happened. In the end, you took responsibility for what you did. Even back then...you did the right thing, even if it hurt to do so.”

 

Sh: “I wish I still knew how to do that…”

 

Jiji puts her arm around me and pulls me into a gentle side hug.

 

G: “Ah my dear boy, but you do know how to do it. The difference now is that instead of a broken music box, you’re having to deal with a young girl’s broken heart as well as your own. I wish I could give you some magic cure that would alleviate the pain the two of you are feeling right now, but sadly I cannot. It’ll be painful and will take time but nothing in life that has ever been worth something has ever been easy.”

 

Jiji gets up and walks toward the door. Before leaving she turns to me one last time.

 

G: “Remember Shin, I will always love you, no matter what decision you make. Be there for young Yuri. Even if it’s hard, even if it seems like what you’re doing is for naught, be there for her. She is the melody to your song my dear boy. Continue to love her.”

 

With that, I hear her head downstairs. I look down at my bandaged hands. “She is the melody to your song.” They’re right. I do care about her. I just wish I knew how to fix this.

* * *

After some time, I head back downstairs. I see jiji sitting at the kitchen table drinking her tea. She looks up at me and seems almost surprised. I walk over and kiss her on the top of her head.

 

Sh: “Thank you Jiji. I know what I need to do now.”

 

She looks up at me and smiles.

 

G: “Ah, that’s good to hear dear. So what di----”

 

At that moment, I clutch my chest as I feel an acute, intense pain shoot through my body. I grab on to one of the chairs on the table to steady myself. What the hell was that? It feels like something just stabbed me in the heart. Through the pain, an oppressive and suffocating feeling of dread washes over me. Jiji looks at me, her eyes wide.

 

G: “Shin! Are you alright?”

 

Before I have the chance to answer her, images of Yuri begin to play through my mind. I can see her...she’s...she’s...oh god no. 

 

G: “Shin, what is it? What’s wrong?”

 

Without saying anything, I immediately run out the door. The image of Yuri from a moment ago is burned into my mind. I run to her house as fast my legs will carry me. 

 

Please don’t let me be too late.


	23. Chapter 23

**_Dawn of Chapter 22_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ No matter how fast I run, it feels like they are always right behind me. I can feel their breath on my neck. Please legs, just keep pushing forward. I need to get away. Please he--- _

 

_ I trip and fall. As I get up to try and run, I feel a vice form around my neck. Through the panic and fear, I see them. The person who has been hunting me. All the times before, I had never been able to see their face. But now I can.... _

 

Y: “S-Shin?”

 

_ His eyes are empty, dark sockets. A wicked and cruel smile is pinned to his face. As he speaks, an otherworldly tone escapes his lips sending a shiver through my soul. _

 

**_He’ll always be mine._ **

 

**_No one will ever love you._ **

 

**_How could you be so stupid?_ **

 

**_You deserve to die alone._ **

 

**_Let me help you with that last one._ **

 

_ I feel myself being thrown to the ground as Shin gets on top of me. I struggle to break free but he simply places one of his hands around my throat, holding me in place. I watch as he reaches behind his back and brandishes a knife. There’s a horrible look of satisfaction and madness in his eyes as he slowly raises the knife above his head. _

 

**_Haha_ **

 

**_Hahahaha_ **

 

**_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_ **

 

_ I try to scream but no words escape. I can only watch in terror as all I can see is a silver glint, followed by the sensation of the blade finding its mark...and again. _

 

_ And again. _

 

_ And again. _

 

_ And… _

* * *

_ I open my eyes to find myself back in my room. In the silence of the house, all I can hear is my staccato breathing and the seemingly thunderous beats of my heart. _

 

_ My heart… _

 

_ I clutch my chest as I feel the all too familiar pain return. Not the sharp, acute pain in my dream but instead the cruel, aching, broken feeling of my still beating heart. I’ve become intimately acquainted with this feeling as of late. _

 

_ Soon, my breathing slows and steadies itself. I look over to my window to see the sun trying to make its way in through the blinds. How long was I asleep for? I have been having trouble keeping track of time. I haven’t really slept much, if any, the past few nights. Every time I try to, the same recurring nightmare happens. I know it probably sounds strange but it feels almost as if the dream is becoming more and more real every time I have it. _

 

_ I walk over to the window and open it, allowing the sun to finally illuminate the darkness that I’ve made for myself. The coolness of the morning breeze brushes against my skin, sending a chill up and down my arms. _

 

_ My arms… _

 

_ In the light of the morning sun, I look down at my arms. Black and blue bruises outline some of the more...aggressive marks I’ve made in the last few days. To think that these marks used to be the only means of release I once had. Now, it seems almost as if I need more and more of them even to feel the slightest bit of respite from this crushing pain I feel. _

 

_ I...I just want the pain to stop. How long till I’m released from this punishment? Haven’t I suffered enough? _

 

**_No. No you haven’t._ **

 

_ I turn to the sound of the voice. My eyes dart around my room but find no one. I know I heard something. Am I...am I starting to lose my grip on reality? I place my face into my hands. I just want this all to be over. When will it stop hurting? _

* * *

_ I walk downstairs and into the kitchen. I haven’t really eaten much in the past day or so, partly due to me not having much of an appetite and also because I haven’t really left my room. The last time I left my room was the day when Sayori came over. _

 

_ She apparently found out what happened that day and came over to check on me. When she asked me what happened, I tried my best to tell her but with every attempt I made, the only sounds I could utter were sobs and tears. She sat with me and held me as I cried. _

* * *

_ I open the fridge to find a few oranges. Maybe if I eat something it’ll make me feel a little better. I pull out one of the oranges and head over to the counter. I slide open the drawer and pull out one of the knives. I walk over to the kitchen table and begin to carefully and slowly peel it. The chilled sweetness of it fills my body with a pleasant, cooling feeling. _

 

_ With each piece I wonder to myself, when did everything go so horribly wrong. Was I not there enough for him? Did I say or do something to him to push him away? I wish I could bring myself to talk to him but every time I imagine speaking with him, all I can think of is her on top of him. To know that the lips he would speak to me were so intimately connected to hers on the floor of the kendo club. The more I think about it, the more the marks and bruises on my arm begin to ache. _

 

**_He never loved you. You were simply his rebound. A convenient little placeholder in his life till he went back to her._ **

 

_ No...not again. I close my eyes to the sound of the voice.  _

 

_ T-that’s not true… _

 

**_Who would love someone like you? Did you really think you would have a happy ending?_ **

 

_ S-shut up…Shin loves me! _

 

**_No one could ever love you._ **

 

_ N-no...stop it. _

 

**_Admit it._ **

 

_ Go away! _

 

**_Just adm---_ **

 

_ GO AWAY! _

 

_ I scream out as tears begin to cascade down my face. I open my eyes and stare in horror as I am now holding the knife to my arm. I drop the knife and recoil away from the table. When did I...I don’t remember… _

 

_ I slowly back away from the table, staring at the knife almost as if I’m afraid if I take my eyes off of it it will pursue after me. I run upstairs to my room and lock the door. I collapse onto my bed, clutching my pillow as it becomes stained with tears. _

 

_ Please...just make it stop. _

 

_ Shin… _

* * *

**_That evening_ **

 

_ I open my eyes to see the familiar colors of dusk outside my window. My mind feels hazy; my thoughts disjointed sounds and noises. I can still hear the voice from this morning. It continues to mock and torment me. Frustration, anger, grief finally overwhelm me as I stand to my feet and scream out. _

 

Y: “What do you want from me!? Why can’t you just leave me alone!?”

 

_ There’s a brief moment of silence in the room. I then hear the voice speak again. _

 

**_You know this can only end one way._ **

 

_ I begin to feel the dull, aching feeling in my arms begin to flare into a feeling akin to insects crawling through my veins. It burns like fire. _

 

_ N-no. I can’t...I can’t do that. Anything but that. The voice speaks again but this time in an almost comforting sounding tone. _

 

**_Aren’t you tired of hurting? Aren’t you tired of the pain? Give in and let the heartbreak you have finally be released. You don’t need to suffer anymore._ **

 

_ I wearily look over to my nightstand and open the drawer. In it, I find the knife from the day this first began. The faint flakes of dried crimson fall off as I run my finger along the base of the blade. Such beauty in the craftsmanship, such elegance in its design.  _

 

_ I gently place the blade against my arm as it carves out a new avenue for my release as well as reopening old ones. The sting fills me with the familiar feeling of endorphins but it also seems to quiet the voice. _

 

_ I stand up and make my way from my bed to the bathroom. I don’t know why I decided to come in here. Maybe so I would have a slight bit more privacy? Funny, that I would be worried about someone finding me at a time like this. I sit on the edge of the bathtub as I carve another crimson stream. _

 

**_Yes. Just like that._ **

 

_ With each passage of my blade, the voice grows increasingly more and more silent until it is naught but a whisper. My arm is soon nothing but a tapestry of criss-crossing lines and crimson. As I stare at my arm, I notice something different. A small, pulsing blue line where my wrist is. _

 

**_Yes. Just one more and you’ll be free._ **

 

_ Just one more...path. Just once more and I can be free of this accursed heartache. I slowly place the blade to the blue thread. I feel my chest tightening; my hands begin to falter. W-why? Why am I hesitating? _

 

_ At that moment I hear banging coming from downstairs. I can hear someone’s voice yelling my name. Is that...is that Shin? _

* * *

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

Sh: “Yuri! Yuri! Open the door! Dammit woman open the door!”

 

I bang on the door a few more times but still no response. I gotta get in there somehow. I look on the ground floor to see if maybe she left a door unlocked or something. I sprint around the house but the house is locked tight. I eventually walk over to the window where her room is on the second floor and I see it. She left the window open! 

 

I look at the tree outside her window and realize the only way I’m getting in is through that. I quickly begin to climb the tree as fast and carefully as I can. I nearly slip off it as I approach the branch I need to be on but I manage to catch myself. I slowly make my way out onto the branch. I can feel the branch slowly bending under my weight. There’s about a five foot gap between her window and the end of the branch. I’m only going to get one chance at this.

 

I balance as best I can on the branch and leap. I come crashing into the side of the house, nearly losing my grip on her window sill. I slowly pull myself into her room.

 

Sh: “Yuri! Where are you? Yu---”

 

I look down near the foot of her bed and see tiny red splotches on the ground. I follow the trail of red to her bathroom in her room where I see a bloody hand print on the doorknob. Oh god no. Please no.

 

I rush over to the door.

 

Sh: “Yuri. Please, if you’re in there say something. Anything.”

 

There’s a moment of silence and I feel my heart sink as my mind begins to tell me what I may see on the other side if I open this door.

 

“S-Shin?”

 

I hear a faint voice from the other side of the door call out to me. She is in there!

 

Sh: “Yuri. Please, open the door.”

 

Y: “No! Go away! Just leave me alone!”

 

I can hear her sobbing on the other side of the door.

 

Sh: “No. I’m not leaving you alone. Yuri, please let me in. I can help you.”

 

Y: “Just go back to Lilith! She’s the person you’re meant to be with. Not me…”

 

Sh: “I don’t want Lilith. I want to be with you!”

 

Yuri doesn’t reply. 

 

Ok, I’ve had enough of this. 

 

I take a step back from the door. With all my might, I kick the door as hard as I can near the lock, causing the door to break open and swing into the bathroom.

 

Sh: “Yuri, we---”

 

It feels like all the blood in my body has turned to ice. 

 

There’s blood everywhere. Yuri looks deathly pale and she’s holding a knife to her wrist. We stare at each other in silence. I try to step closer to her but her expression changes. I see her press the knife harder against her wrist.

 

Y: “Stay back! J-just s-s-stay away from m-me.”

 

Tears begin to stream down her face.

 

Y: “I...I just want the pain to stop. Just make it go away. JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!”

 

I lunge toward her.

 

Sh: “YURI!”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

**_shinkt_ **


	24. Chapter 24

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

Time seems to slow. I reach out for her but she feels so far away. Just a few more inches and I…

 

The suddenness of movements startles her just long enough for me to reach for the knife. As I reach for it, Yuri shifts so instead of grabbing her wrist, I wind up grabbing the blade of the knife. It feels like someone poured fire into my hand. The sensation shoots up my arm and nearly makes me recoil away. 

 

No. I can’t let go. I have to endure. I have to!

 

I use my good arm to try and immobilize the knife. She struggles to try and break free.

 

Sh: “Yuri! Stop!”

 

Y: “Just go away!”

 

Yuri yanks the knife back towards her, the blade effortlessly cutting a deeper gash into my hand. The searing pain is too much as I pull my hand back. Yuri stands up from the edge of the bathtub, tears streaming down her face.

 

Y: “Why can’t you just leave me alone!?”

 

I see a glint of silver...

* * *

I feel something warm on my chest. I look down to see a red line forming diagonally across my chest. I slowly look up to see Yuri’s face. She stares at me terrified. I hear the sound of the knife bounce off the tile floor.

 

Sh: “Y-Yuri…”

 

Y: “S-Shin...I…”

 

Yuri breaks into a bout of uncontrollable tears and deep, trembling sobs. She buries her face in her bloody hands. I can feel a chill run down my arm. I look over and realize that the bandages covering my knuckles are slowly turning red. I clench my fist to try and stop the bleeding while I check on Yuri. 

 

My eyes dart around the bathroom to see if there’s anything I can use to stop her arm from bleeding. I notice a few towels hanging but given the amount of blood on her arm, towels aren’t going to be enough.

 

That’s when the idea hits me. I begin to unfasten my belt from my pants and kneel down in front of Yuri. I gently try and pull her arm toward me, doing my best as to not hurt her further. She initially resists and pulls away from me.

 

Sh: “Yuri…look at me.”

 

She looks up at me, her face a mess of tears and blood. I gently take her arm and use my belt as a makeshift tourniquet to try and stem the blood flow at little. She winces as I tighten the belt around her arm. This is just going to have to do for now. I take a towel and apply pressure to her forearm.

 

Sh: “Ok. Keep pressure on this till I get back. The first aid kit is in the kitchen still right?”

 

Yuri stares at me as if she’s lost in her own thoughts. She might be going into shock for all I know at this point. I need to make this quick. Before leaving the bathroom, I pick up the bloody knife and head downstairs.

* * *

Judging by the marks on her other arm, this isn’t the first night she’s done something like this recently.

 

No. I can’t get distracted now. I gotta find that first aid kit. 

 

I eventually find what I’m looking for in one of the cabinets above the sink. Thankfully Yuri and her dad are pretty meticulous about where they place things. I reach up and pull out the first aid box.

 

First things first, I need to get this gash on my hand taken care of. I place my hand into the sink and slowly uncurl my fingers. The feeling of coolness and fire courses up and down my arm. In the light of the kitchen, I get a better look at the cut. All I can say is this, this is gonna hurt like hell in the morning. I quickly remove the bandages from my hand and begin to clean the cut. The water from the sink pours over my hand sending a sharp pain shooting through my body. I grit my teeth to prevent myself from screaming. 

 

After a few seconds of letting the water do its thing, I head over to the box and grab the bottle of disinfecting alcohol out of it. I already know this is going to hurt worse than the water. I prepare for the pain and quickly pour some of the alcohol onto the wound. The pain is almost as bad as the initial pain of the knife. I slam my good fist down on the countertop. 

 

Sh: “Mother...fuck…”

 

I place some antibiotic cream on a piece of medical gauze and carefully wrap my hand. This is far from ideal but given the current situation, this is just going to have to do. I grab the first aid kit and head back upstairs to Yuri.

* * *

I walk back into the bathroom to Yuri still sobbing. Never have I been so relieved to hear her cry before. I flick on the light as I kneel down to check her arm. As I pull the blood soaked towel away, I notice that the bleeding seems to have all but stopped.

 

Sh: “Come on Yuri, we need to get this cleaned before it gets infected.”

 

She looks up from her arm to me and then back down. I slowly help her to her feet as we make our way to the edge of the bathtub. I reach and pull down the shower head and turn on some warm water. I check to make sure the water isn’t too hot before taking Yuri’s hand.

 

Sh: “This is probably going to hurt.”

 

I begin to clean Yuri’s arm the best I can. She writhes and twists as the water cascades down her arm, filling the bathtub a diluted crimson color. I can feel her nails digging into my shoulder as I turn off the water. Her breathing is labored and pained. 

 

I reach into the first aid kit and pull out the gauze and disinfecting alcohol. I carefully remove the lid from the bottle. I take a hold of Yuri’s hand and grip it firmly knowing full well this next part is not going to be pleasant for either of us.

 

Sh: “You know how I said I thought the water was going to hurt? This? This is definitely going to hurt.”

 

Yuri grips tightly onto my arm. Here we go...

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Three.

 

I pour the entirety of remaining alcohol bottle onto her arm. Yuri let’s out and ear-splitting shriek as she fights her body’s natural inclination to pull away. I can feel her nails digging into my arm. I’m fairly certain she broke the skin but at this point, I don’t care. I feel her grip begin to loosen.

 

Sh: “Good, now let’s---”

 

I feel Yuri’s body go limp in my arms.

 

Sh: “Yuri!”

* * *

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ Uuuuu...my head. _

 

_ I slowly open my eyes to see...my ceiling? I look to my side and see the moonlight coming through my window. When did I do… _

 

_ As I try to sit up, I feel an intense wave of pain shoot through my arm and down my side. I look down to see my bandaged arm and several faint red dots underneath the wrappings. That’s when my memories return to me. The feeling of the knife, the sensation of the blood dripping from my fingertips, the sound of...his...voice. _

 

_ Shin...where’s Shin? I weakly try to sit up and begin to look around my room. There’s no sign of Shin anywhere. I didn’t imagine him being here did I? The shooting pain in my arm tells me that he was indeed here but where is he now? My gaze drifts toward the bathroom. Even from here, I can see them; traces of blood on the tile floor and the edge of the bathtub. That...that was me. I...I...almost… _

 

“You’re awake. Thank god.”

 

_ Standing in the doorway is Shin with a glass of water. He comes over and sits on the edge of the bed. _

 

Sh: “Don’t drink it too quickly.”

 

_ I slowly sip on the water as Shin examines my arm. I hand him back the glass which he places on my nightstand. He flashes me a empathetic smile. _

 

Sh: “I hope I didn’t tie the bandages too tight.”

 

Y: “N-no. They’re fine.”

 

_ My eyes drift to his bloodstained shirt and bandaged hand. I notice the cut across his chest and the small dots of blood on the palm of his hand. Without thinking, I place my hand onto his chest as my fingers gently trace the outline of the mark on his chest. I hear the sharp sound of air being sucked through teeth as Shin winces. _

 

Sh: “Aaaah...still a bit tender hehe.” 

 

_ He tries to laugh it off but, I...I...did this to him. He tried to help me and I...I could have… _

 

_ The thought of what I’ve done overwhelms me. Shin could have died because of me. The thought alone hurts more than any physical wound. Tears stream down my face. It would seem the only thing I’ve been go for this evening is crying. I’m so...helpless. _

 

Y: “I...I...I’m sorry. I’m so...so...so..rry.”

 

_ Through broken sobs, I feel Shin wrap his arms around me. He doesn’t say anything, he simply sits there and allows me to vent out my emotions. All the pain, all the anger, all the sadness from the past week come out as waves of emotional and spiritual turmoil pour from my broken heart. _

* * *

_ Shin slowly pulls away from me as I find myself staring into his eyes. _

 

_ His eyes. _

 

_ They’ve always been the thing I loved about him the most. So strong and determined yet so gentle and kind. A melancholic look forms on his face. _

 

Sh: “Yuri...we need to talk about what happened. I know this might not seem like the best time to do this but…”

 

_ Shin’s voice trails off. He looks down at my arm. I watch as tears begin to gently fall from his eyes and onto my hand. _

 

Y: “Shin…”

 

Sh: “I...I want you to know I l-love you. I would never do anything to purposefully hurt you. What you saw that day...”

 

_ Shin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before continuing _

 

Sh: “Lilith...she came to the the club to tell me to leave you and to go back to her. I told her no. We argued back and forth about it. Somehow I wound up tripping and falling and she landed on top of me. That’s when you walked in...I know it doesn’t sound believable at all but---”

 

Y: “Shin.”

 

_ Shin looks up at me. I can tell by the look in his eyes and the sincerity in his voice that everything he’s saying is true. I can't imagine he'd have gone through all of this if he was truly lying to me. I gently place my hand onto his. _

 

Y: “I believe you.”

 

_ The two of us sit in silence, neither of us entirely sure what to say next. I decide to ask Shin something that’s been puzzling me ever since I saw him. _

 

Y: “Shin, w-why did you come here tonight? How did you know?”

 

Sh: “I...I don’t know. I felt like something terrible was going to happen if I didn’t see you. I didn’t care if you were mad at me or didn’t want my help, I just...knew I needed to see you.”

 

_ I let his words linger in the air for a moment. Without provocation or me telling him anything, Shin came to me in my time of need, even though I’ve been nothing but cold and calloused to him. I pushed him away and he stayed. I hurt him and he still chose to be there for me when I needed him the most.  _

 

_ Part of me is filled a profound sense of shame and guilt at my actions that led the two of us to this point; the bloodstains on the floor and all over the bathroom are a testament to that. But also my heart is deeply comforted knowing that this man cared enough about me to put his own safety and well-being at risk for me. I feel I am woefully undeserving of such displays of love but when Shin looks at me, I feel...safe in his eyes. _

 

Y: “Shin...I have one more question.”

 

Sh: “Hm?”

 

Y: “Why...why me? Nights like this are a testament to how incredibly broken and flawed I am, not only as a girlfriend but also as a person. So why me? Why would you risk so much for someone like me?”

 

_ Shin gets up from the bed and walks over to the window and gently closes it. He turns to me, a smile on his face. _

 

Sh: “Simple. Because you’re the melody to my life’s song.”

 

_ I feel a warm feeling in my chest at those words. It’s funny, that almost sounds like something Jiji would say. Shin walks back over to the bed and kisses me on the top of my head. _

 

Sh: “I’ll help you clean up...all of this in the morning alright? For now, let’s get you to bed.”

 

Y: “Wait...you’re leaving?”

 

Sh: “No. After the night the two of us have had, I think it’d be good for the two of us to both get some sleep. That is if you want me to stay.”

 

Y: “Yes...please.”

 

_ Shin climbs into my bed next to me. We do our best to avoid aggravating the other’s wounds, which is a bit easier said than done. I spoon up against Shin as he wraps his arm around me. He gently pulls me close as I can faintly feel his heartbeat on my back. For the first time this week I feel...safe. That the nightmares that have vexed me will be kept at bay at least for tonight. I hear Shin whisper something into my ear. _

 

Sh: “Yuri.”

 

Y: “Yes Shin?”

 

Sh: “Thank you for being my melody.”

 

_ With those final words in my ears and the soft sounds of his heartbeat as my lullaby, I finally drift off to sleep. _


	25. Chapter 25

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

 

_ I slowly begin to open my eyes. I can hear what sounds like the faint sounds of scratching coming from somewhere in my room. I sleepily roll over to Shin to see if he hears it too. _

 

Y: “Uuuuu....Shin. Do you hear...that?”

 

_ I notice that Shin isn’t next to me. A brief moment of confusion begins to set in. Wait, did he leave? My eyes begin to scan looking for him till they arrive at the door of my bathroom. I see Shin on his hands and knees scrubbing the tile floor. He is wearing one of his hoodies that I “borrowed” from him. _

 

Y: “Shin?”

 

_ He looks up from the floor at me, a smile forming on his lips. _

 

Sh: “Ah morning sleepyhead. I decided to start cleaning up while you were asleep. I’m almost done in here.”

 

Y: “W-what time is it?”

 

Sh: “It’s almost noon.”

 

_ Noon!? That can’t be right. It couldn’t possibly be that late in the day could it? _

 

Y: “Shin, how long have you been awake?”

 

Sh: “Hm...about two hours. I hope you don’t mind, I had to borrow one of your hoodies.”

 

_ Well technically it is his hoodie. His hoodies have always been so much more comfortable and warm than mine. Maybe that’s why I treasure them so. _

 

_ Er...that doesn’t sound weird does it? Nevermind… _

 

_ I watch as Shin finishes scrubbing the floor and picks up the bucket of cleaning water and walks out of the bathroom. My eyes follow a path from the smile on his face toward the bandaged portion of his hand. I feel my own arm begin to ache. I look down and notice faint hints of red permeating through the bandages. So last night wasn’t a bad dream. It really happened. I almost...and Shin he… _

 

_ I begin to feel an aching guilt in my heart. I could have lost everything last night. And all over some misunderstanding. I didn’t trust Shin and as a result I hurt him and myself.  _

 

_ And yet he still looks at me and smiles. He still risked his own safety and well being for me. I feel fresh tears begin to stream down my face as I hang my head. How can I possibly think things could ever go back to the way they were before? _

 

_ I feel something warm on my cheek as the tears continue to fall. I look up and see Shin kneeling in front of me. He gently brushes the tears away with his thumb. Instinctively, I reach up and hold his hand to my face. His touch is so reassuring and calming. Like a safety blanket for my soul. _

 

Sh: “Hey, no more tears ok?”

 

_ With a smile he stands up to his feet and grabs a hold of the cleaning bucket. He walks over to my door looking over his shoulder as he reaches the entrance. _

 

Sh: “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna dump this outside. Oh and Yuri.”

 

Y: “Yes Shin?”

 

Sh: “Remember, I love you.”

 

Y: “I-I love you too…”

 

_ I can hear the sound of Shin’s footsteps making their way down the stairs. I stare at the doorway for a few moments, taking in all that has happened in the past day. I look down at my arm and gently begin to unravel the bandages. As I pull away the medical wrappings, I get a clear sight of what I’ve done. Numerous deep gashes cross my arms in erratic patterns. This will most certainly lead to noticeable scarring in the future. I can only hope father doesn’t see this until it’s had some time to heal. I know he’d probably deduce that this was more than an “accident” or a minor scratch. I can only hope. _

 

_ Strands of my hair fall in front of my eyes. As I go to brush them, I feel something on them. I rub my fingers against them and notice my fingertips turn coppery red. I must have gotten blood in my hair at some point last night. A warm shower would I help I believe. I grab a clean towel from out of the closet and make my way back to my bathroom. _

 

_ The feeling of the warm water as it cascades down my back feels invigorating. I feel a slight tinge of pain as the water courses over my wounds. I gently begin to clean the dried blood from my hair. The water turns a dirty, rusty color as it escapes down the drain. It almost feels as if the water is trying to wash away the memories of the night before. I wish it was that simple. _

 

_ After the shower I feel slightly more awake at least. I wrap the fresh towel around me. Now where did I put my brush? I look around the bathroom for it but to no avail. I open up the bathroom door and find the brush resting on the corner of my desk. I pick it up and sit on the edge of my bed as I begin to brush through my dampened hair. I really don’t know understand why so many girls wish they had long hair. It’s so cumbersome to have to clean. I really wish I had hair like Natsuki’s or Sayori’s. Shin has told me though that he loves my long hair. I do have to admit, I love it when he plays with my hair when I read. There’s something therapeutic about it. _

 

“Hey sorry about that Yuri, I had to change...my...band..ages…”

 

_ I turn to see Shin standing in the doorway, his mouth agape. There’s a fleeting moment where my mind doesn’t register why he is looking at me that way. A second later it dawns on me and I pull the towel tighter against me as I feel my face blush a deep crimson color. Sensing my embarrassment, Shin pivots on his heel and turns around and faces back out into the hallway. _

 

Sh: “I didn’t see anything! Well...that’s not entirely true...but I...er….uh….”

 

_ The awkward silence weighs heavily in the air. I hear Shin clear his throat attempting to break the silent stalemate. _

 

Sh: “Uh, Jiji called and asked if everything was ok. I told her we were good and she asked if you wanted to come over. She said she misses you and would like to see you. How does that sound?”

 

Y: “I...I’d like that actually.”

 

Sh: “Ok. We I’ll call her and let her know. Er...well...I’ll let you get back to your...uh…”

 

Y: “Shin.”

 

Sh: “Um...yes?”

 

_ I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around him. I rest my head on his back and hold him tight. I feel him place his hands on mine. _

 

Y: “Is your chest ok?”

 

Sh: “Yeah. A little sore but I’ll be alright. How’s your arm?”

 

Y: “As good as can be expected.”

 

Sh: “I’m glad.”

 

_ Shin turns to me. He leans in and kisses me on my forehead. _

 

Sh: “Alright. I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready ok?”

 

Y: “Alright.”

 

_ I watch as Shin makes his way down the hallway and then down the stairs. I wonder what Jiji will say about all of this. _

* * *

_ We soon arrive at Shin’s home. Shin had asked me before we left if I wouldn’t mind staying with him and Jiji for the next couple of days. Shin said that given all that has happened, he would sleep better knowing I was nearby and ok. I really do hate that I’ve caused him so much trouble. In the end, I decided that maybe it would be better to be around those that care about me instead of being left to solitude. _

 

_ Shin reaches for the keys in his pocket and opens the front door. I am immediately greeted by the familiar smell of fresh green tea. _

 

Sh: “Jiji we’re home.”

 

_ The sound of footsteps can be heard from the kitchen. Shin’s grandmother turns the corner, her eyes widening as she sees the two of us. Her pace quickens as she walks up to us. _

 

G: “My dears, I’m so glad you two are alright. I was worried sick about you when Shin left in such a hurry last night.”

 

_ I feel Jiji’s hands reach out and touch mine. I flinch as I feel her fingers glance my wrist. The worry in her eyes grows. _

 

G: “Dear, what’s wrong?”

 

_ The concern in her voice rattles me slightly. I look over to Shin, almost as if to ask him if he thinks me telling her would be a good idea. I look back at Jiji and gently roll my sleeve up exposing the fresh bandages on my arm. Jiji gasps and stares at me and then to Shin. _

 

G: “W-what happened to you Yuri? Shin what is---”

 

_ Jiji’s eyes immediately narrow in on Shin’s bandaged hand. She looks up at the two of us and then to Shin. I can see the tears welling up in her eyes. _

 

Sh: “Jiji, I can explai----”

 

_ Jiji punches Shin in his shoulder, her expression changing to one of anger as the tears begin to stream down her face. Shin yelps out in pain. _

 

Sh: “Ouch! What the hell was that for you crazy old bat!?”

 

_ Jiji stares at Shin, tears streaming down her face. She buries her face into his chest as she wraps her arms around him. _

 

G: “You stupid boy...worrying me to death. I...I’m so glad the two of you are safe.”

 

_ Shin gently wraps his arms around his grandmother. _

 

Sh: “Hmm...we’re sorry for worrying you Jiji.”

* * *

_ Shin and I explained everything that happened last night. I was terrified as I told her. I was afraid that she would see me as some crazy girl who wounded her grandchild and herself. Jiji sat there quietly and listened. When I was done, she simply held me. She didn’t say anything at all, she simply sat there and embraced me. I looked over at Shin who gave me a small smile. _

 

_ Shin and his grandmother...two people who in such a short period of time have truly become like family to me. The sacrificial love Shin has shown me and the unconditional acceptance of his grandmother...I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve it at all but...maybe one day I will be able to pay them back for all the kindness they’ve shown me. _

* * *

_ Later that night, I change into my pajamas for the evening and prepare for bed. I pull out one of my books I brought with me as I sit on the guest bed Jiji prepared for me. Hmm, now where did I leave off… _

 

_ Suddenly, I hear the sound of two taps on the door. The abruptness of the sound startles me as I let out a mousey squeak. Maybe it’s Jiji stopping by to say goodnight? _

 

Y: “Um...yes?”

 

“Mind if I come in?”

 

Y: “Shin?”

 

_ The door slowly opens and Shin walks in wearing what I can only assume is his sleeping clothes: a pair of shorts and a tank top. He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed next to me. _

 

Sh: “Hey. Just wanted to see if you needed anything before bed.”

 

Y: “I-I’m fine. I just was going to read a little first.”

 

Sh: “Oh okay.”

 

_ I look into Shin’s eyes as he smiles at me. I notice something though out of the corner of my eye. I look down at Shin’s chest and right where the tank top and his shoulder meet, I see faint red line. Without even thinking, I gently move the strap to the side and that’s when I see it. The ending of a large slash mark extending from his shoulder and down across his chest. I stare at it as tears of shame begin to fall. This is the first time I’ve ever gotten a real look at his wound...the wound I gave him. _

 

Y: “Shin...I…”

 

_ I feel Shin take my hand into his. _

 

Sh: “Hey. No more tears remember?”

 

Y: “But I...I…”

 

Sh: “Yuri. It’s alright.”

 

_ I don’t know what comes over me but hearing those words, I feel all the shame and guilt I’ve been harboring finally reach a tipping point. I bolt to my feet, the sound of my book bouncing off the wooden floor. _

 

_ Y: “It’s not alright! All of this is my fault! You could’ve died! No matter what you might like me to believe, this is...this...is all…” _

 

_ Shin slowly stands up. His eyes almost seem to stare right through me. He remains silent. I try to speak through the torrent of sobs I find myself trapped in. _

 

Y: “Y-you...you’re too good to me. I..I...am so...so..rry. All of this...all of...it...it could’ve all be..en avoided if I just had trusted you and---”

 

_ I feel something warm on my lips. A familiar warming feeling courses from my lips to my heart, somewhat placating the anxiety and fears that seek to overtake me. I feel Shin’s arm pull me in closer as relinquish myself to the moment. Shin slowly pulls away, a look of compassion in his eyes. _

 

Sh: “Do you trust me?”

 

_ I am a bit caught off-guard by his question, well even more so than by his kiss. I gently nod my head. Shin smiles at me. _

 

Sh: “Then trust me, if I had to do it all over again for you, I would.”

 

_ Y: “Shin...I…” _

 

_ Shin smiles at me. _

 

Sh: “I’d do anything for you Yuri.”

 

_ I feel Shin’s hold on me release as he steps away. _

 

Sh: “Now, let’s both get some sleep. We’ve had a long day and I know we’re both tired. I’ll see you in the morning ok?”

 

Y: “Shin…”

 

Sh: “Hm?”

 

Y: “Thank you...for everything.”

 

Sh: “For you love? Anytime.”

 

_ Shin walks out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. I pick up my book but decide that maybe reading it should be saved for tomorrow. The coolness of the covers on my skin lets me see that I really am much tireder than I originally thought. Shin’s last words to me still ring in my ears: “Do you trust me?” I do trust him...I wonder though does he still trust me? After everything I’ve done can things really go back to the way they were before?  _

 

_ I know it will take time to repair the broken pieces of our relationship. Maybe one day I can make things right between the two of us. He says he’s forgiven me for what has happened...maybe I just need to forgive myself now. Uuuuuu...this all too much to be worrying about before bed. Sigh. _

 

_ I can feel the lingering sensation of warmth on my lips from Shin. The image of his smile flashes through my mind.  _

 

_ I...I...will do better. I will be better. I know it will not be easy and it will take time but I will be better. I begin to feel my eyes growing heavy as I slowly succumb to my fatigue and weariness. As my mind drifts off to where dreams live, I feel a sense of peace slowly take hold of me, like a warm blanket or the embrace of a loved one. _

 

_ I love you Shin. _


	26. Chapter 26

**_Several weeks later_ **

 

**_The roof of the school_ **

 

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

I look at my phone. It’s almost time for the kendo club meeting to start. I’m sure Akira can handle today without me. Right now, this is more important. 

 

I walk over to the edge of the building and look down at the tree Yuri and I normally sit under. I remember our times reading the book she bought me and all the other books her and I have read since that day. The lunches we’ve shared, the talks we’ve had, all the memories I now carry with me. I feel a warmth radiating from heart. She really is something special.

 

“Waxing nostalgic my dear Shin?”

 

I turn around to see her closing the door behind her.

 

Sh: “Hello Lilith.”

 

I watch as she walks up to me, her hands clasped behind her back.

 

L: “We haven’t been alone on the roof for a long time now.”

 

I watch as she walks past me and stares out at the sky above.

 

L: “This was always our favorite place to just get away from it all wasn’t it?”

 

She pivots and turns, her head slightly cocked to the side.

 

L: “She doesn’t know you invited me up here to talk does she?”

 

Sh: “No. She doesn’t.”

 

Lilith walks over and places her index finger on my chest.

 

L: “I thought your little Yuri didn’t trust me around you. Or has she given up finally?”

 

I gently push her hand away.

 

Sh: “No but she trusts me.”

 

Lilith pouts as she backs away and rests against the roof’s fence, arms crossed with a slight smirk on her face.

 

L: “Well then my dear, what did you call me up here for?”

* * *

Alright, here it goes.

 

Sh: “Lilith. This will be the last time you and I talk.”

 

I watch as Lilith raises one of her eyebrows in slight confusion.

 

L: “I beg your pardon?”

 

I allow my words to linger in the air for a moment. This really will be the final time her and I speak. No more games. No more interference. This ends today.

 

I hear something that I wasn’t expecting from Lilith. Laughter. She looks at me as she begins to compose herself.

 

L: “Hahahaha! My darling, that was funny.”

 

Sh: “I’m not joking Lilith.”

 

The coldness with which I speak catches Lilith off guard. The smile that was once on her face disappears as her brow furrows.

 

L: “Well aren’t you awfully cold today. It doesn’t matter anyway. We both know how this ends: You say you don’t want me around, we part for a time, but in the end we always manage to find each other again. We’re fated to be together.”

 

Those final words of hers cause the scar on my hand to ache. Memories of the night I was at Yuri’s house flood back to me. The tears in her eyes, the blood on her hands, the look of pain and brokenness she wore in eyes for so many weeks afterwards...all of those things were caused by me. Because of this “fated togetherness” she talks about.

 

I...I will not let something like this be why I see Yuri cry ever again. As I begin to speak, I feel words escape my lips that I never thought I’d say.

 

Sh: “You’re right.”

 

Lilith’s eyes light up for a moment.

 

Sh: “You’re right. We were fated to be together...but you? You aren’t my Lilith.”

 

L: “Of course I am. I’m the same Lilith you’ve always known.”

 

Sh: “No...no you aren’t.”

 

There’s a pain in my heart as I say those words. Why does it hurt?

 

Sh: “Lilith...there was a time when I really believed you loved me. Despite what everyone might have said about you or about me, I know you did genuinely love me at one point.”

 

L: “I do love you though Shin! That’s why you and I should be together.”

 

I shake my head as the pain begins to prick more and more.

 

Sh: “Do you remember our first date? We went to the beach and spent the day there. It was a simpler time then. A happier time. We spent the day swimming, eating ice cream. I even won you that stuffed octopus you insisted I try and win for you.”

 

I feel a sad smile form on my lips as I recall that memory.

 

Sh: “That? That was my Lilith. The Lilith that loved me, genuinely loved me. I didn’t question or doubt her sincerity when she said those words but now? The past few months have shown me that my Lilith has been dead for a long, long time now. You simply wear her face and have her voice. Every time I see you or hear you I am reminded of a loved one I can never have back.”

 

Lilith looks at me with a pained, stunned look in her eyes. I can see her eyes becoming misty as she speaks.

 

L: “B-but I am still her. I never stopped loving you.”

 

She walks over and grabs my hand, her eyes pleading for me to reconsider.

 

L: “Please Shin, we can make it work. We always manage to find each other again. I’m still the same Lilith as before.”

 

Sh: “Lilith...why do you want me back?”

 

L: “Isn’t it obvious? I love you silly.”

 

The smile on her face is betrayed by the pain in her eyes.

 

Sh: “I know you once did. Now it feels more like you simply want me back so that others can’t have me. Your “love” for me has become nothing more than a twisted obsession that actual love.”

 

The pain in Lilith’s eyes turns to anger as she tears her hand away. The tone in her voice, a mix of sorrow and anger.

 

L: “How could you say such things?! I have always been there for you! Always! Who was there for you when you needed someone to talk to? Me!”

 

Sh: “Lilith…”

 

L: “Who spent time with you when you felt that no one else cared? Me!”

 

Sh: “Lilith.”

 

L: “Who loved you when---”

 

Sh: “Lilith!”

 

There are a few moments of silence between the two of us. A lone tear runs down her cheek.

 

Sh: “All the things you’ve said...they’re all true. You were the one to be there for me when no one else would be. You were the one who I felt at times cared about even more than my own family. I don’t doubt for one moment that you did love me before. However, do you remember why we broke up the first time Lilith?”

 

Lilith remains silent, her fists clenched down at her side, that seething anger still lying just below the surface in her eyes.

 

Sh: “I do. We broke up because you started trying to control how I did things in my life. Who I could talk to. Who I could or could not be friends with. You even tried to run away Sayori and MC from me.”

 

L: “That’s because they were trying to take you away from me! Is it so wrong to want to spend time with you? Is it wrong to want to protect what he had?”

 

Sh: “Or what about the second time, when you cheated on me?”

 

I watch as Lilith recoils slightly at those words.

 

L: “T-that...that was….”

 

Sh: “An “accident”, I believe were your words. I also believe you told me that “things would be different this time” back then too.”

 

Lilith stares at me as she tries to find the words to say. Tears begin to stream down her face. Despite what Yuri and the others might think about her, there was once a time when Lilith was a different person. She was far kinder, far more caring and concerned about those in her life. Seeing what she’s become hurts more than anything she did to me before. Through her tears she speaks.

 

L: “B-but...if you...if you won’t love me, who will?”

 

Sh: “Lilith, I…”

 

L: “Y-you were the only one...who cared about me. Do you know what all the others did after you? Once they had their “fun”, once they got what they wanted, they just discarded me like I was...like I was some piece of trash. They used me. They said they loved me but they didn’t care...you were the only one who ever cared. B-but I can change for you. I can be whatever you want me to be! I can be whatever you need me to be. Just please...please don’t leave me alone. Please...don’t throw me away Shin.”

 

Lilith hangs her head as she begins to sob. She told me once before that I was one of only a handful of people who she felt comfortable enough to cry in front of. The pain in my heart hurts so much now. To see someone I once loved, someone I once called my friend, reduced to...this.

 

I feel my heart break slightly seeing her like this. I walk over and gently place my hand on her shoulder. She looks up at me, her gentle sobs echoing in my ears.

 

Sh: “Lilith...I can’t be your only hope for a normal life. I...I’m not your Shin anymore.”

 

L: “Please Shin, don’t do this…”

 

I feel tears fighting me to escape but I push them down. I gently wipe away the tears from her face.

 

Sh: “If there’s even the smallest piece of my Lilith left in there, please listen. If you care about me at all, if there’s even a shard of love left for me in your heart….please, let me go. As long as you hold on to this sick perversion you call “love” you’ll only know heartache and more pain. No one deserves to be alone in this world….not even you. My Lilith taught me that.”

 

I pull my hand away from Lilith’s face as her head drops again. I watch as the tears begin to dot the ground beneath her, her shoulders tremble slightly as she sobs. I turn and begin to make my way for the door. I doubt there’s anything more I could possibly say to her at this point.

 

Before I reach the door, I feel her arms wrap around me as she pulls me close. The memory of when Yuri did the same to me the day after the incident plays again in my head.

 

L: “Please...don’t leave me…”

 

I gently place my hands on hers and try to pull them away from me. I feel her grip tighten.

 

Sh: “Lilith...please…”

 

A moment passes before I feel her fingers slowly release their grip. I know that lingering any longer will not help her...or me. I reach for the doorknob and gently open the door.

 

Sh: “Goodbye Lilith.”

 

As I close the door, I can still hear the embittered sobs of Lilith as I make my way downstairs. I wasn’t lying to her when I said no one deserves to be alone, not even someone like her. Maybe in a different lifetime, we could have made it work...

* * *

I walk down to the entrance of the school where I see Yuri talking with MC and Sayori. Sayori’s the first to notice me.

 

S: “Hey Shin!”

 

MC: “Hey Shin, what’s up?”

 

Sh: “Ah, nothing. Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

 

S: “Oh no, we were just talking before we headed home. Well, we'll see you two tomorrow! Have a good night!”

 

Sayori and MC begin to walk away, waving as they leave.

 

Y: “Are you ready to head home Shin?”

 

Sh: “Yeah.”

 

Yuri tilts her head slightly to the side, a mild look of concern crosses her face.

 

Y: “Hm? Is something the matter Shin? You look like you have something on your mind.”

 

I walk over to Yuri and place my hand around her waist. She looks up at me as I smile back at her.

 

Sh: “No. Everything’s fine.”

 

Yuri and I begin our walk home. I take one last look at the roof of the building. I see Lilith standing there looking at Yuri and I. Our eyes meet one last time before I watch her disappear from the edge of the building. Goodbye Lilith. I truly do hope one day you find someone who  will love you the way you deserve to be loved.


	27. The Final Verse

**_Evening of the Awa Odori Festival_ **

 

**_Yuri’s POV_ **

  

_I look down at my phone to check the time. Oh dear, I hope we’re not too late for the festival. Hm? Oh, not the school festival. Shin and I are going to go see the Awa Dance Festival today. I have heard of the festival before but I never really had much of a reason to go before. Mother and father would usually be busy and I really don’t enjoy crowds of people. Jiji was the one who actually recommended that we go._

 

_As I lay in bed, I begin to recount everything that has happened this year._

 

_Joining the literature club and meeting MC, Sayori, Monika, and Natsuki._

 

_Taking part in the school festival._

 

_Meeting Shin and his family._

 

_Shin…_

 

_I roll up the sleeve of my sweater and gaze at the scars on my wrist. I think back to the night that Shin found me. If he hadn’t arrived when he did, I would have died that night. I stare at the scar like a child would an unfamiliar toy they found in their room. I slowly turn my wrist around as I examine the now faded markings. Ever since that night, the feelings that used to cry out to be released by my hand have ceased all but entirely. On rare occasions, I have noticed they'll come back, however, when I think back to that night and the wounds Shin and I suffered because of me, I remember the promise I made to myself to do better, to be better, for Shin. I...I will be better._

 

_I hear the sound of the front doorbell. That must be Shin. I roll down my sleeve and make my way downstairs. As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I see my mother talking to Shin. Shin performs a small wave to me once he notices me. My mother turns to me, a smile on her face._

 

YM: “Ah there you are sweetheart. Now, you two be safe and have fun ok? Oh, and take lots of pictures hehe~.”

 

Y: “We will mother.”

 

Sh: “We’ll be back soon.”

 

_We wave to my mother as we begin the walk to where the festival is going to be held._

* * *

_Due to the festival being further into the city, Shin and I decide to take the bus. As we step onto the bus though, I immediately realize just how full the bus is. Are all these people really making their way to the festival like us? Oh dear…_

 

_Shin and I manage to find a spot near the entrance as the bus begins to move. The air in the bus is thick and hot making breathing rather uncomfortable. Due to the cramped conditions, we find ourselves being wedged against each other. Shin grabs a hold of the overhead rail, doing his best to hold our position in the congested bus. I look up and into Shin’s eyes as we make our way to our destination._

 

Y: “I wonder what the festival is going to be like.”

 

Sh: “Hm, Akira told me there’s a lot of dancing. In the morning, it’s a really reserved kind of dancing but in the evening? The evening dancing he said is a bit more…”expressive”.”

 

Y: “What does that mean?”

 

Sh: “No idea. He said we would see when we got there.”

 

_I look out the window behind Shin and see decorations lining the store windows. After another ten minutes, we arrive at our stop. We exit the bus and out onto the city streets. I take in a much needed breath of fresh air. The mixing colors of the evening sky are so beautiful at this time of the day._

 

_I begin to hear the faint sounds of music playing from somewhere nearby. I look in the direction I believe the music to be coming from and notice a small crowd of people making their way toward the source of the melody. Shin takes my hand into his._

 

Sh: “Come on, let’s go.”

* * *

_We soon arrive to one of the streets where the music is coming from. Marching down the street are several groups of children, women, and men[all dressed in festival garb](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pimugZ_TthY\)). The rhythmic motions of the various dance groups, all dancing in perfect harmony is like poetry in motion. On the other side of the street I can see a few children trying their best to imitate the dancers with rather...humorous results. _

 

Y: “Shin look. The children on the other side are…”

 

_I look to my side and see Shin attempting to perform the same dance moves. I can’t contain my laughter._

 

Y: “Huhuhuhu. What on earth are you even doing?”

 

_Shin turns to me mid-movement, a comically serious look on his face._

 

Sh: “I am showing off my dancing moves obviously.”

 

_One of the main dancers from the group notices Shin dancing and begins to wave at him. Shin seems to have started something because now there are several other people in the crowd dancing along with him and the rest of the parade._

 

Sh: “Come on. We didn’t come all the way out here to stand still. It’s time to dance!”

 

_I feel a wave of anxiety course through my body._

 

Y: “Dance!? I...I can’t…I…”

 

_Shin looks back to me and begins to dance once more. The people on the sidewalk next to us begin to chant and dance along with the dance groups. Shin smiles at me, his eyes filled with a childlike sense of wonder and happiness._

 

Sh: “Whatta waiting for? Hahaha!”

 

_Shin turns around and continues to dance with the crowd of people. Sigh. This is the man I chose as the love of my life…I awkwardly and clumsily begin to try and replicate the dancing techniques of those in the parade._

 

_One_

 

_Two_

 

_One_

 

_Two_

 

_Oh this...this isn’t so difficult...I think I’m get---_

 

Sh: “Hey you’re doing it!”

 

_The sound of Shin’s voice breaks my concentration as I awkwardly trip over my own feet. I look up at him, my face feeling akin to a furnace._

 

Y: “I...I...was...just...trying to...uuuuu.”

 

_Shin stands next to me, a wide smile on his face._

 

Sh: “Hehe, it makes me really happy to see you dancing.”

 

_I feel my pulse quicken. I’m not entirely sure if he’s saying that simply to poke fun at me or not. Seeing Shin smile like this though fills my heart with a deep and profound sense of joy. Shin begins to resume dancing as I slowly begin to follow his lead. Soon it feels like the entire crowd is all dancing together to the sounds of the parade._

 

_We follow the parade for several blocks till we finally decide to rest on one of the benches lining the streets. My legs and arms feel heavy as I rest my head on Shin’s shoulder._

 

Sh: “That...that was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Maybe we should audition to be dancers for next year’s festival hehe.”

 

_I playfully push Shin’s shoulder. He is right though, that was fun. I hold on to Shin’s hand as we watch the people around us._

 

_A father and his daughter window shopping._

 

_A couple sitting outside at one of the local restaurants, enjoying each other’s company._

 

_A young woman walking her dog._

 

_Sitting watching this all feels so...peaceful. It feels somewhat similar to how I feel when I find myself becoming lost in the pages of one of my books. I used to think that I could only find solace within the worlds of fantasy that authors made for me. But now, I feel like I don’t need to escape from reality to find contentment in it._

 

_Shin takes out his phone and begins to tinker with it._

 

Y: “What are you doing?”

 

_Shin holds out his phone as I see both of our faces appear on the screen. I smile at the camera. Shin lowers the camera slightly and turns to me, a look of mild confusion on his face._

 

Sh: “I would have thought you’d have told me “I don’t like my picture being taken” or you would have tried to hide.”

 

_I gently squeeze his arm as I turn back to the camera._

 

Y: “No. Not today. Today seems like a good day for a picture.”

 

_I watch as Shin turns back to the camera as well, a contented smile replacing his furrowed brow. Yes, today is indeed a good day for a picture._

* * *

_Shin and I spend a few more hours in the city eating, exploring, and enjoying the festival scenery. The bus ride back home is much quieter than the ride up here. As we exit the bus stop and begin to walk home, I begin to[hum to myself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diuoFvoniQw) while holding onto Shin’s arm. _

 

_I remember the first time I sang this song for him. I had gone over to see him when he was ill one day. Poor Shin was miserable. He had told me he hadn’t been able to sleep much due to his fever and coughing. He laid his head on my lap while we watched a movie together, doing his best to relax. While we watched the movie, I played with his hair and began to softly sing to him. Before I knew it, Shin had fallen fast asleep. I remember watching him as he slept and thinking just how peaceful he looked._

 

_We soon arrive back at my house. Judging by the lighting on the inside of the house, mother and father must already be asleep. Shin walks me to my door._

 

Sh: “I hope you had fun Ms. Dancing Queen of the Festival.”

 

Y: “Hehe, I did. I’ll need to thank Jiji the next time I’m over.”

 

_I find myself staring deeply into Shin’s eyes. It’s moments like this that I wish I could freeze time and just hold on to them forever. I feel Shin’s hand against my cheek, a loving smile forming on his lips. In the next heartbeat, I feel his lips against mine. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close, savoring this moment while it lasts. My heart feels warm and safe, just like the first time we kissed. As we part, I smile at him._

 

Y: “Text me when you get home ok?”

 

Sh: “I will.”

 

_Shin begins to walk back toward the end of the driveway._

 

Y: “Shin.”

 

_Shin turns around._

 

Y: “I love you.”

 

_Shin smiles._

 

Sh: “I love you too Yuri. Goodnight.”

 

_I make my way inside and up into my room. I take a nice shower before going to bed. The warm water feels good on my achy muscles and tired legs. As I sit on my bed, I hear my phone begin to buzz. I open it and notice it’s a message from Shin. Attached to the message is the photo from earlier._

 

_[“I just made it home. Goodnight Yuri. Maybe one day soon we can dance like that again hehe. I love you.”]_

 

_Hmmm, he’s such a strange boy...but he’s my strange boy. I save the lovely memory to my phone before placing my phone on the nightstand. My eyes begin to feel heavy as the fatigue of the day begins to overtake me. The thoughts of the festival and the memories Shin and I have made accompany me off to the land of dreams. What a perfect ending to a[perfect day](https://imgur.com/a/eBiRVwH). _


	28. Outro/Epilogue

**_Years later_ **

 

**_Shin’s POV_ **

 

Yuri asked me to go out and get her some ice cream. She said she was craving something sweet recently so I ran down to the grocery store to grab her some. You’d think that going to the store late in the evening would mean the store would be mostly empty, right?

 

Wrong.

 

I walked in and you could have sworn the end of the world was taking place. There were so many people! I guess I can’t say I’m  _ too _ surprised after all. I mean it is almost Christmas after all. Thankfully, the aisle containing the ice cream still had the flavor Yuri wanted, dark chocolate and mint. After about 20 minutes of standing in line, I finally paid for what I came for began the drive back home.

 

After dealing with the hordes of people and the late evening traffic, I finally manage to make it back home. The warmth of the house feels amazing in comparison to the chilling cold outside. The news stations say they are calling for snow later in the week. I think the two of us are just going to stay inside if/when the snow decides to show. I walk into the kitchen to see Yuri sitting at the table drinking her tea.

 

Sh: “I’m back.”

 

Y: “Huhu, welcome back. How was the drive?”

 

Sh: “The drive? Not too bad. The crowds of people? That’s a different story.”

 

I place the bag containing the ice cream down on the table as I walk over the cupboard. I pull out two bowls and two spoons and place them on the table. I pop the top off of the ice cream and begin to scoop out some.

 

Y: “You really should use the ice cream scoop.”

 

Sh: “Nah, the spoon will be fine.”

 

Almost as if the spoon heard her, I feel it bend in my hand. I stare at the now L- shaped spoon as I hear Yuri giggling to herself.

 

Sh: “What the!? Spoon, why do you betray me so? Sigh. We need to invest in some better silverware.”

 

I feel Yuri’s hand on my shoulder. As I turn to her, I see she’s holding the ice cream scoop, a coy smile on her face.

 

Y: “An investment into sturdier silverware is one option. Listening to your wife is a cheaper, more beneficial one too~.”

 

I feel a kiss on my cheek as she sits back down.

 

Sh: “Is that a faint hint of sarcasm I hear? I think you’ve been spending too much time talking with Jiji haha.”

 

I scoop out two large scoops of ice cream for Yuri and I. I watch as she takes dainty little bites of her ice cream. She catches me staring at her, her face blushing a light shade of red.

 

Y: “W-what is it? Is there something on my face?”

 

Sh: “The look on your face as you’re eating is the same look you have when you’re reading your books. Or maybe it’s the other way around hehe.”

 

Yuri smiles slightly at my teasing.

 

Y: “So did you give anymore thought to what I asked you earlier?”

 

Sh: “Which thing?”

 

Y: “What name we’re going to give the baby.”

 

I completely forgot about that. She gives me one of those looks that Jiji used to give me when I would forget to do something she had asked me to do. I do my best to save face.

 

Sh: “O-Of course I did!”

 

Y: “Well then, what name did you decide on then darling?”

 

I take a moment to think before I answer.

 

Sh: “If we have a boy, Kibo. If we have a girl, I think we should go with the name you chose, Hana. How does that sound?”

 

Yuri takes a small spoonful of ice cream and places it in her mouth. She places the spoon down into the bowl and smiles at me.

 

Y: “I like those.”

 

Yuri looks down as she places her hands on her belly.

 

Y: “Hmm, I wonder what wonderful things you will get to experience little one once you arrive. Your grandparents are already so very excited for you.”

 

Yuri looks up at me, her eyes full of so much...hope. I look at her and feel a slight tugging at my heart. When I found out Yuri and I were expecting, I was filled with so many emotions.

 

Happiness

 

Anxiety

 

Joy

 

Fear

 

Fear...

 

Even now I’m terrified but not because she’s pregnant. I’m afraid because....what if I’m not a good father? What if I turn out like my old man? I don’t exactly have any role models to look to for how to properly raise a child. The closest thing I have in my life is Jiji but that’s not the same. I look down at the bowl of partially melted ice cream in front of me. Yuri speaks, a hint of concern in her voice.

 

Y: “You look worried.”

 

I feel my fears and insecurities clawing at the back of my mind. Without thinking, my worries are given a voice.

 

Sh: “What...what if I’m not a good parent?”

 

Even after all these years, even after all the things Yuri and I have been through, that man’s influence still lingers somewhere inside of me. His father treated him the same way he treated me. I told myself I would never be like him, that I would be better than the monster of a man he turned into but...what if I'm wrong? I doubt the man mom married was always a monster so what if I…

 

Before I can become too consumed by my own thoughts and fears, I feel arms wrap around me from behind. I feel the familiar feeling of Yuri’s lips on my cheek.

 

Y: “You’ll be a wonderful father Shin. I know it.”

 

I look over and into Yuri’s eyes.

 

Sh: “But I don’t know how to be a father…what if I turn out like him?”

 

My eyes wander off to the side but I feel the warmth of Yuri’s hand on my face as she brings my gaze back to hers.

 

Y: “You told me on our wedding day that we would face whatever would come together. That we would love each other for better or for worse, in the good times and the bad. I believe in you darling and so does our child. If we have a daughter, be the man you’d want to see her with. If we have a son, be the man you’d want him to grow up in to.”

 

It’s hard to believe that the woman standing before me now is my Yuri. The Yuri in front of me now feels almost like a completely different person. I close my eyes as I feel a warmth and reassurance take hold of my heart. I open my eyes to see Yuri smiling back at me.

 

Sh: “Thank you Yuri.”

* * *

After cleaning up the kitchen, Yuri and I begin to turn in for the night. Yuri and I sit in bed and read together like we’ve always done. Her head rests on my shoulder as we silently turn the pages in perfect harmony with each other. I’m not entirely sure if I've become a faster reader or if she has just grown accustomed to how slow I read. We read through two chapters of our book before we decide to go to bed.

 

Yuri places the book on the nightstand next to her and turns out the light. She rests her head on my chest as I pull her close to me. In the moonlight, I see Yuri’s wedding ring shine slightly. 

 

Her ring...a symbol of my undying love and devotion to her and the family we would make. I think back to something Jiji told me when I told her I was marrying Yuri. I told her that I was afraid because I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so worried that I would mess things up.

 

_ ”Trust her Shin. Trust and believe in what you two have together. You’ve weathered every storm you two have faced up to this point. Other relationships I’ve seen would have crumbled under what you two have endured but yet you two are still here, still together. So trust her Shin. She’s more than just your soon-to-be wife. She’s your best friend.” _

 

I look at Yuri as I gently stroke her hair.

 

She is my best friend... 

 

I...I will be better.

 

For myself.

 

For Yuri.

 

For our family.

 

The worry and fear won’t just go away and I know that, but with Yuri by my side, I know it’ll be ok. I take my hand that’s wrapped around Yuri and place it gently on her belly. Don’t worry little one, your mom and dad are going to love you no matter what. Your dad is gonna love you and be there for you and your mom. I swear it. 

 

I kiss Yuri goodnight as I dream of the family that her and [I will one day have together](https://imgur.com/a/PpToKUJ).


End file.
